(Good) Friday Rant

Who would have thought that the league tables at the end of March would be such a shambles! Third place is not so bad, is it! We would not mind third place so much if the first and second were occupied by the oilers, would we! They are a bunch of absolutely despicable cheaters assembled at great expense by equally vile millionaires. Plus plenty of money to spare to entertain incompetent and bent match officials. Truth be told, the only contribution to humanity these clubs have made is the substantial depletion of black money to fund their over-inflated egos. But no, the oilers are way out of sight of the leaderboard.

One would perhaps not even mind that much if the leaders were the dirty Scousers or the smelly ManUre dumps from the recycling grounds up north. Personally, I have some sympathy for them. In their vain desperation to qualify for Champions League, they have endured starvation to try and buy success. Little did they know that class cannot be bought, it has to be earned. No, they are not the culprits either.

Instead it is the Foxes whose real home is in the jungles, and the slimy green creatures from the swamps down in N17. What foolhardy audacity! A bunch of amateurs cobbled together in the market for cheap seconds and assembled in the curry capital Leicester are threatening to win the League. Just beggars belief! And together, the over-priced collection of ego-centric incompetent bunch of jokers from N17 are pretending to upstage them. Who would have thunk! Just disaster, unmitigated disaster!!

We have been patient all along. Since December, I have been waiting for the Leicester and Spurs bubbles to burst. We have patiently tuned in to every game hoping for ROLF moments only to witness frustration progressively piled upon us. What misfortune! While we toiled away in multiple competitions, notably fighting valiantly against the best teams in the world, the Foxes have cunningly used their lack of European misadventures to string together decent performances in the League. And yes, the Spurs had some European games, but these were only against the young boys from obscure locations that do not even have postcodes. Plain injustice, I say, just a complete shambles!

Rasp compiled a vote this week on what we think of the international friendlies, and I like most others thought they were a complete waste of time. But heh, wait a minute! Surely this is a blessing in disguise! The pretenders from the land of pickle and curry, otherwise called Leicester, have 10 players on international duty, including Vardy and Drinkwater for England and Mahrez for Algeria. Injuries to two of the three will do fine. To be fair, is that not what has consistently happened to the good guys in the past? Spurs have 14 players on international duty. OK, 4 of them are in the Belgian squad, so let us perhaps cut them a bit of a slack. But injuries to two of the others will be nice, particularly Dele Alli and Kane. Mind you, not big injuries, but only smallish niggles that take them out of commission until the Euros will be good.

The international break has come at a good time, I would say. Some break in rhythm and little niggles for Leicester and Tottenham will work just fine. Three cheers for the International Break! What do you think, AAers?

Red Arnie

Are you fed up with life as an Arsenal fan?

Has the Wenger in/out debate left you feeling frustrated with your fellow supporters?

Are you spending your days thinking of ways to kill Piers Morgan without getting caught?

If the answer is yes, then don’t fret. All you have to do is follow these 10 simple steps and you will soon be a happy Gooner once again.

STEP 1: Stop reading negative online articles about Arsenal, taking great care to avoid anything with the words ‘protest’, ‘lack’ or ‘out’ in the title.

STEP 2: Delete Twitter. As an alternative why not use Instagram instead and upload all those nutscaping photos you took when you last visited the Emirates.

STEP 3: Lower your expectations. If you go in with the mindset of ‘we are going to lose 10-0’ then suddenly a 2-1 home defeat against Watford becomes a good result.

STEP 4: Start your own silverware collection and buy more every time Arsenal get knocked out of a competition. Maybe keep it in a nice cabinet so visitors can see, or under the bed in a nice box*.

STEP 5: Learn to use the mute button on your remote. Anyone with BT Sport will have already mastered this but for the rest of you, take time out of your day to get this right.

STEP 6: Avoid watching Arsenal games live. I find recording the game and only watching if I know it’s a good result is a great way to follow my team. It also means i can fast forward through the Graeme Souness bits.

STEP 7: Agree with every blogger and avoid terms like ‘I think’, ‘in my opinion’ and ‘Kelsey, you are wrong’. You will save yourself a lot of time and grief, and who knows, you may even make some friends.

STEP 8: If you insist on attending the matches, why not try sitting in the away end? The fans there tend to be much more pleasant towards the Arsenal and the atmosphere more singy and drinky.

STEP 9: Be more supporter and less board member. Nobody wants to hear about how the wage bill is structured, or what the owners business portfolio contains, or wether or not we have £130m in the bank. Why not try discussing more pleasant things like the new flavour of pie at the next home game, or the £3m French youngster we’ve just signed, or sliding cats?

STEP 10: Why not persuade your mum to use her spare time and her spare bed sheets to make you a banner? Something like ‘YOU ONLY SING WHEN YOUR WINNING’ would be perfect to whip out when we salvage a last minute point after inevitably going a goal behind.

STEP 11: Respect the Arsenal family. If you have an issue with the manager or board then that’s ok, but don’t let it become more than your love for Arsenal Football Club. There are enough people out there waiting to drag our club through the dirt without us doing it ourselves. Stay positive and be a happy Gooner.

* speak to Eddie for all your box needs.

Written by fgg

Let’s pretend that in the race for the League Title, all teams have played 29 games, and for that to be the case, City and Pool have played, and won, their game in hand.

1. Leicester 1st on  60
2. Totnum
3. City
4. Arsenal 4^th on 52
5. West Ham
6. Utd
7. Liverpool 7^th on 47

Personally I cannot see Leicester losing three more games than us over the remaining 9 games, but hey, mathematically we can still win the thing. Another factor in overall positions could well be goal difference, and really only Totnum have a significant advantage over the other runners and riders, so that could effectively equate to an additional point in the final analysis.

Ok, today’s post is a poll, and so you could push a button and push off, job done, however, you could lob in a comment with your hopes and aspirations. This could range from “don’t care, going to jump anyway”, to “above Totnum or I’m moving to Grimsby, where I shall survive by selling my body to lonely fishermen”.

Some may argue that Top Four doesn’t matter too much (and what’s the point of the CL, we’ll never win it, and I’m jumping anyway so don’t care) outside of the cash consideration, as a period of consolidation and focus on the League, could be what’s needed, which so nearly worked for Liverpool a few season’s ago.

We recently played Totnum, in what I think was our final opportunity for top spot, now I’m looking below and seeing real threats from the likes of West Ham.

We could look in depth at the individual fixtures of all contenders, but I’m not bothering, rather it will come down to desire and hunger during phases of certain games when things are not going our way. Of course, this applies to the teams around us, and other factors will come into play such as other Cup commitments. There is another factor. The Manager. How will City and possibly Utd, react knowing a different man will be at the helm next term.

If nothing else, it is going to be exciting, and that for me is brilliant.

Where do you think Arsenal will finish?

Written by mickydidit89