11 simple steps to becoming a happy Gooner.

Are you fed up with life as an Arsenal fan?

Has the Wenger in/out debate left you feeling frustrated with your fellow supporters?

Are you spending your days thinking of ways to kill Piers Morgan without getting caught?

If the answer is yes, then don’t fret. All you have to do is follow these 10 simple steps and you will soon be a happy Gooner once again.

STEP 1: Stop reading negative online articles about Arsenal, taking great care to avoid anything with the words ‘protest’, ‘lack’ or ‘out’ in the title.

STEP 2: Delete Twitter. As an alternative why not use Instagram instead and upload all those nutscaping photos you took when you last visited the Emirates.

STEP 3: Lower your expectations. If you go in with the mindset of ‘we are going to lose 10-0’ then suddenly a 2-1 home defeat against Watford becomes a good result.

STEP 4: Start your own silverware collection and buy more every time Arsenal get knocked out of a competition. Maybe keep it in a nice cabinet so visitors can see, or under the bed in a nice box*.

STEP 5: Learn to use the mute button on your remote. Anyone with BT Sport will have already mastered this but for the rest of you, take time out of your day to get this right.

STEP 6: Avoid watching Arsenal games live. I find recording the game and only watching if I know it’s a good result is a great way to follow my team. It also means i can fast forward through the Graeme Souness bits.

STEP 7: Agree with every blogger and avoid terms like ‘I think’, ‘in my opinion’ and ‘Kelsey, you are wrong’. You will save yourself a lot of time and grief, and who knows, you may even make some friends.

STEP 8: If you insist on attending the matches, why not try sitting in the away end? The fans there tend to be much more pleasant towards the Arsenal and the atmosphere more singy and drinky.

STEP 9: Be more supporter and less board member. Nobody wants to hear about how the wage bill is structured, or what the owners business portfolio contains, or wether or not we have ยฃ130m in the bank. Why not try discussing more pleasant things like the new flavour of pie at the next home game, or the ยฃ3m French youngster we’ve just signed, or sliding cats?

STEP 10: Why not persuade your mum to use her spare time and her spare bed sheets to make you a banner? Something like ‘YOU ONLY SING WHEN YOUR WINNING’ would be perfect to whip out when we salvage a last minute point after inevitably going a goal behind.

STEP 11: Respect the Arsenal family. If you have an issue with the manager or board then that’s ok, but don’t let it become more than your love for Arsenal Football Club. There are enough people out there waiting to drag our club through the dirt without us doing it ourselves. Stay positive and be a happy Gooner.

* speak to Eddie for all your box needs.

Written by fgg

69 Responses to 11 simple steps to becoming a happy Gooner.

  1. LB says:

    One of the best posts this site has ever had.

  2. Rasp says:

    Bloody brilliant FGG ๐Ÿ™‚

    Its written with humour but your points are valid. Its a bit like the way people react after someone drives into their car. Yes, its bloody annoying but it’s happened and there’s nothing you can do to ‘undo’ it – so you may as well carry on, do whatever needs doing and stop stressing.

    Easily said and I often fail at this myself – but I do know it is the right thing to do …. and especially in terms of supporting the Arsenal at this time.

    P.S. Is Eddie taking her box to the Camp Nou? ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Rasp says:

    If I had a collection of all my fantasy Arsenal and cricket trophies, this is what it would look like …..

  4. fatgingergooner says:

    Morning Rasp,

    Just sent a little update to Arsenal nuts if it’s possible to edit. Thanks

  5. Rasp says:

    OK thanks FGG, I’ll have a look ….

  6. Rasp says:

    Updated – we now have 11 steps! …..

  7. Kokoto says:

    Henry knows that u can’t win the league with giroud.

  8. kelsey says:

    STEP 3: Lower your expectations. If you go in with the mindset of โ€˜we are going to lose 10-0โ€™ then suddenly a 2-1 home defeat against Watford becomes a good result.

    Me lower my expectations, impossible ๐Ÿ˜‰

    STEP 7: Agree with every blogger and avoid terms like โ€˜I thinkโ€™, โ€˜in my opinionโ€™ and โ€˜Kelsey, you are wrongโ€™. You will save yourself a lot of time and grief, and who knows, you may even make some friends.

    Quite right.

  9. fatgingergooner says:

    Another happy Gooner

  10. Barry Pakyntein says:

    Sounds like a full proof plan ๐Ÿ˜€ COYG!!

  11. Rasp says:

    Kokoto hasn’t understood the post ๐Ÿ˜†

  12. Rasp says:

    BTW, you do all know that we will go one nil up against Barca tomorrow …. it is the Arsenal way ๐Ÿ™„

  13. mickydidit89 says:

    Take drugs and then don’t know what the score was ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks FGG ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. GoonerB says:

    Step 12 agree with the purists. Only they know what they are talking about and therein lies the way to salvation.

    Great post FGG, got more to say, will later.

  15. nuritasoler says:

    I think I’ve been doing point 1, 6 and 7 at some points in my life. Gotta do the other steps, and i’d be a happy Gooner, i guess. Yes.

  16. Rasp says:

    Welcome Nurita, may you always be a happy gooner ๐Ÿ™‚

    Tell me, have you been a reader and not a writer on AA for a while, or was it the subject matter of today’s post that prompted you to join us in comments?

  17. Jeremy O Dwyer says:

    Love it!
    Absolutely top class post!
    Thanks fgg

  18. chas says:

    Brilliantly brilliant, FGG.

    I’m really pleased to say that I do follow a fair bit of this excellent advice already.

  19. fatgingergooner says:

    I always thought you might be keen on a bit of nutscaping, chas! ๐Ÿ˜‚


    Great stuff Ginge

    I never read online articles. I haven’t fully read yours

    No time for Twitter. Gary Linekar is on it. I may be mistaken? but I believe him to be a Snide.

    Cant lower my expectations Ginge. in my mind I demand we win the league every season. And we always do.

    I have a fine collection of silver medals. Apparently I am a hero of the Napoleonic wars and stopped the Germans getting a bulge.

    I dont use the mute button Ginge. I gain solace from realising there’s Geezers out there with less chance of getting a date than me.

    Been a season ticket holder I never watch games live. To busy staring at the nearest bird. If theres no women around, I stare at some geezer to put him off.

    Always agree with negative people, they tend to be dangerous. I once had to agree with local Criminal Roger Kray on the merits of the grey haired bending over. Krays vice was middle aged men. It was terrible

    Stop talking about finances Ginge? Your bloody joking. I once snapped a fat kid out a coma by replacing his music with a tape of mine giving a lecture on the state of Switzerland’s financial sector. The little shit was so ungrateful he demanded the Doctors hit him on the head to knock him out.

    I only believe in banners that make people seriously think about there actions. I have a few at home “Cameron, by denying benefits to the needy, you may become richer, so do it”, that sort of thing.

  21. chas says:

    I find it keeps me calm. ๐Ÿ™‚

  22. fatgingergooner says:

    The power of great editing!

  23. RC78 says:

    great post ๐Ÿ™‚ one of the best this year ๐Ÿ™‚

  24. RC78 says:

    Now – let us just

    – try to end the year with dignity by finishing above Spurs…Imagine if the Spurs do the double ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ;
    – focus on next season already and think about the outs and the ins and let us get some quality players at RB (back up), CB (starter), LB (starter), DM (starter), FW (Starter) and honestly, I think that we can find some of our players in the EPL with Coleman and Lukaku for example and we need also players that know how to win trophies at European or club level so let us address that while getting rid of our sub-par players and give a chance to our young lads…

    Cech, Ospina
    Bellerin, Kos, Chambs, Gabs, Monreal or Gibbs
    Coquelin, El Neny
    Ramsey, Wilshere,
    Ozil, Iwobi
    Walcott, Sanchez, Ox, Jeff
    Wellbeck, Giroud

    These are my keepers…so then add Coleman, Garay, Kurzawa, Krychowiak, Lukaku and our team is set…

  25. RC78 says:

    and keep Wenger!

  26. fatgingergooner says:

    Don’t worry RC78, Spurs won’t be winning any silverware anytime soon. In fact I would be advising their fans to look at STEP 4 and encourage them to start bidding on eBay!

  27. mickydidit89 says:

    You have received a lot of very high praise today. This means it was a very good post, but also that people needed cheering up.
    In other words, they’re miserable bastards ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. mickydidit89 says:

    You do make me laugh. On the one hand you say we need five new players, and on the other, keep Arsene.
    Not sure both of those is possible ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. fatgingergooner says:

    Appreciate the comments. I guess everyone has gone on to STEP 12: Stop Blogging! ๐Ÿ˜‚

    I saw a comment earlier on another site about how Wenger will have Gary Neville as his assistant next season. Now this was just a blogger making a random comment that I don’t believe for a second, but it did get me thinking. Would Arsenal fans be happy for Arsene to stay another year if Henry or Bergkamp was his assistant next season? I reckon it would be a smart move from Wenger to bring one or both of these into the fold as a possible successor and it may appease some of the fans who are calling for him to leave. After all, Wenger out is the easy bit, the hard part is getting someone in who is capable of doing a better job.

  30. mickydidit89 says:

    I see what you’re saying. However, in trying to keep both camps happy, I think it would be a mess. Arsene is too much his own man, and while I believe he should do less, I’m not sure either a different No2, or even someone above like a Director of Football, would work for the same reason.

  31. mickydidit89 says:

    The Metro (rag, I know) has a good idea today.

    The Ajax Team. De Boer Manager (4 consequetive Dutch Titles). Overmars D of F, and DB10 as assistant.

    I wouldn’t mind thinking they’ve been lined up to take over. Plenty of Arsenal pedigree.

  32. fatgingergooner says:

    I’d be happy with that Micky although I really want the Germany coach.

    Kompany crocked again. Pulled up after 5 minutes and subbed off.

  33. GoonerB says:

    FGG, great post again. Re. step 7, can I now stop using the “IMO” or “I think” words and just go with more definitive comments. I was only using them to not upset people into thinking I was a know it all, and that it was just my opinion among many others, that could of course be wrong. Can I just stop pretending now ๐Ÿ™‚

    I can’t be bothered to get too analytical at the moment anyway…..what’s that?…..you’re all devastated…..I know but don’t worry tomorrow is another day.

    Ok just one then, in answer your 7.29. I actually think one of Wenger’s problems is in not deferring and allowing other members of the team and coaching staff to get on with structuring our style of play. I think all great coaches / managers have their best days in their eras but things change and move on.

    Ferguson was smart in that he brought in younger coaches and let them get on with it and so had continued success even at his later grand age. Clough for instance probably wanted to keep control himself but lost track with the times.

    Wenger is acting more Clough than Ferguson currently, but if he were to accept others (younger coaches) expertise and surround himself with more of it we may see greater cohesion. I don’t think we play the right way currently so something needs changing.

    And by the way this is not “just my opinion” and I don’t just “think this”, I know it for sure ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. fatgingergooner says:

    Otamendi limped off now aswell! ๐Ÿ˜‚

  35. fatgingergooner says:


    If we are sticking to the rules, then I will also use STEP 7, and totally agree with you! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  36. GoonerB says:

    I am quite agreeable to you agreeing with me FGG. Loving step 7, definitely my favourite ๐Ÿ™‚

  37. RC78 says:

    FGG…I hope you speak the truth ๐Ÿ™‚

  38. RC78 says:

    Anyone fancies Lukaku at PSG?

  39. VP of Oz says:

    Tomorrowland is a 2015 American science-fiction mystery adventure film. In the film, a disillusioned genius inventor (Clooney) and a teenage science enthusiast (Robertson), embark to an ambiguous alternate dimension known as “Tomorrowland”, where their actions directly affect the world and themselves. In drafting their story, Bird and Lindelof took inspiration from the progressive cultural movements of the Space Age, as well as Walt Disney’s optimistic philosophy of the future, notably his conceptual vision for the planned community known as EPCOT. The Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow (EPCOT) was an unfinished concept developed by Walt Disney. Its purpose was to be a “real city that would ‘never cease to be a blueprint of the future.

    Anyway I am getting to my point, in the movie there is this “pin” and when you touch it, the pin instantly shows a view of Tomorrowland that only that person can see.

    This blog site is the “pin”, tomorrowland is Arsenal, Walt is Arsene and FGG is Bird and Lendelof, not sure who is Clooney and Robertson… I think need to get out more.

  40. Gรถรถner In Exile says:

    Marvellous FGG absolutely bloody marvellous.

  41. chas says:

  42. MickyDidIt89 says:

    6:42 Great pic
    It’s on Isle of Skye, and called Man of Storr
    Walked up around it in sun, then mist descended. Spooky.

  43. mickydidit89 says:

    Morning all, and bon voyage Eddie

  44. mickydidit89 says:

    Been checking myself off against your mentally strong chart
    Struggling on the “expend their mental energy wisely”
    Can I change “wisely” to “really, really economically” and still pass that question?

  45. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    PM written but not around to publish nor to add a header.

    Happy Trails Eddie

  46. mickydidit89 says:

    You’re alive ๐Ÿ™‚
    Can you stay and chat, or are you on holiday?

  47. Big Raddy says:

    This morning I am a chatty man, restored by FGG’s fine post.

    Just a crappy few days which I will tell you about sometime

  48. Big Raddy says:

    BTW I have sorted the post and scheduled it to auto-publish later this morning.

  49. Big Raddy says:

    Thanks Peaches. See above ๐Ÿ˜€

  50. mickydidit89 says:

    Sorry to hear that
    Tonight may cheer you up. Most of our players will be putting in a shift in the hope of impressing a team with real ambition and Danny will score a hattrick, that is, if you bother to select him ๐Ÿ™‚

  51. Big Raddy says:

    As you well know, I don’t do football at this time in the morning – spend too much time on it the rest of the day,

    Off to Sweden today for dental work which is 30% cheaper in Malmo, just 45 mins away. Passport packed, camera packed, foreign currency in wallet. Excited.

  52. mickydidit89 says:

    As a new boy photographer, may I remind you, it’s not right to snap random ladies willy nilly without their consent, even if it is in Sweden

  53. kelsey says:

    Oh yes you do,bald eagle ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I can’t wait for tonight.Did you know Barcelona is the pickpocket centre of the world.

  54. Big Raddy says:

    Micky. Damn I didn’t know that. Maybe time to sell the camera.

    Kelsey ๐Ÿ™‚

  55. Big Raddy says:

    chas’s 6.41 is disturbing

  56. mickydidit89 says:

    Barcelona also has some of the worlds most hideous architecture, namely, Gaudi
    Still, great place for little bowls of food ๐Ÿ™„

  57. mickydidit89 says:

    Ok, having said that, I’d love to be going today.
    Right must go. Pop back in an hour or so, then away for the day. Boo

  58. fatgingergooner says:

    The internet is just a horrible place to spend time these days! Everytime you click on something you get links to things like

    ‘7 Taylor Swift outfits that will BLOW your mind’


    ‘SHOCK as Holly Willoughby breaks down on tv’

    It’s like you’re inside the brain of a 12 year old girl!

  59. Red Arnie says:

    ha ha ha. brilliant, FGG. ๐Ÿ™‚ sorry, knot ear, but yes, brilliant. 7) has stuck in my mind. ๐Ÿ™‚

    apols, Shard as well. brilliant post and discussion. ๐Ÿ™‚

  60. Red Arnie says:

    motning all. 3-0 will do us fine. even 2-0 and win on penalties. COYG. ๐Ÿ™‚

  61. Red Arnie says:

    This is to contrast with Chas’ 6:42

  62. mickydidit89 says:

    Arnie’s alive as well. Yipee.

    Damn, that is hideous. I have a book I bought about Gaudi, and by page three, I realized that I’d never seen uglier buildings.

    Winning on pens would be so, so good.

  63. Morning all

    We have a New Post …………………………

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