Will Wenger Make Fools Of Us Again?

March 14, 2011

After our loss at Manchester United, I found myself harbouring murderous thoughts towards Abou Diaby.

He was our worst player by quite a stretch (despite stiff competition from Gibbs and, later, Rosicky).

Every time the ball went to him he either killed the momentum of an Arsenal attack or lost the ball. When most Arsenal players are capable of playing and thinking (plinking?) in the same instant, Abou seems to work like this…

The thoughts of Abou:

“Here comes the ball!”

“I will stop it and bring it under control.”

“I have it under control! (or not).”

“Just checking I have it under control.”

“Good! I do.”

“Now, what will I do with it?”

“Better have a look round to see where my teammates are.”

“There they are – they have run forward but have now stopped.”

“Why do they all look so cross?”

In other words, Abou is just not fast enough in thought or deed to fit into Arsenal’s rapid pass-and-move style. While the others are plinking, Abou is plonking.

However, I can’t maintain murderous feelings for long and pretty soon I fell to wondering whether I was just scapegoating Abou for a disappointing defeat.

To make someone a scapegoat is to blame them for something that was the fault of others. Was I doing this to our lanky Gaul? Should I instead be blaming the defenders who failed to stop United scoring? Or our attackers for not converting any of their many chances? Or Arsene Wenger for being tactically outwitted by the gout-faced Glaswegian?

Well, actually, no. I wasn’t laying all the fault for our loss at Abou’s size 12s. My criticisms of him were based entirely on how he played and would have been the same even if we had won the game. I wasn’t unfairly blaming him for the faults of others. I was blaming him for his own faults. So, not a scapegoat then. We need a new term. How about a scapedonkey?

That’s it! I have decided to make Abou the scapedonkey for our FA Cup humbling.

But here’s the rub.

We Arsenal fans have had scapedonkeys before.

Alex Song was booed off the pitch as a 17-year-old in an away game at Fulham; Fabianski was derided as the worst keeper ever to have played for a Premiership side; Eboue was booed mercilessly at The Grove; Vermaelen was written off before he ever played a game for us for being too small; Walcott, the sages confidently told us, would never be a must-have player; earlier this season Djourou was being talked about as a fourth-choice-if-we’re-desperate CB.

I am happy to accept that Arsene Wenger knows more about football than me, and more than every single Arsenal blogger or online commenter.

He is also not stupid and he also desperately wants success.

So if he believes that Abou Diaby can make it as a top player for Arsenal then, on reflection, I am inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. Ditto the other current scapedonkeys, like Denilson, Gibbs, Bendtner, Arshavin, Squillaci and Rosicky. If the boss feels they can contribute to our success, I will yield to his better judgement.

They may not have covered themselves in glory in some recent games, but we have been here before with players who have gone on to become vital parts of our first team. We have to believe in their potential to improve precisely because AW believes in it.

For all those who have been so adamant that Arsenal “must” get rid of players like Abou and Denilson I hope that Arsene makes fools of you again, as he did with Song, Vermaelen, Walcott, Fabianski and others.

I hope that we lift the title come May on the back of a rip-roaring run that has seen vital contributions from our thoroughbred scapedonkeys.

RockyLives

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Posted by RockyLives

A Thierry Henry hat-trick saves our week – April 2004

March 10, 2011

Some serious cheering up needed today. There’s no shame in going out of the Champions League at the hands of Barcelona although having to listen to how Arsene Wenger sent his team out to park the  bus and play negatively is almost beyond the pale. Anyone who watched the game will know that we hardly touched the ball and that was because they didn’t let us. We’ve done that to countless teams and now we know how it feels. Ouch.

Waking up, though,  to find that our arch rivals have progressed to the quarter finals is more than upsetting. I’m in two minds whether I wish Barcelona on them or not, to have them crowing about entertaining Barca at the lane or them playing at the Nou Camp is asking a lot. I’d rather they got the chavs really. Spiteful, moi?

I turned to the fixture list after the disappointment of Tuesday night to see when I could next be called upon to cheer and encourage my beloved Arsenal only to find that we don’t have a home game until 2nd April – thats still another 3 weeks away! How cruel the fixture list is sometimes, just  when you want to be there to prop up the team you find they’re going to have to play without you.

I reminded myself of a week not long ago when we went out of the FA Cup on a Saturday to the manks and then out of the Champions League to the chavs on the following Tuesday. We were playing Liverpool at home on the Friday of that week, it was Easter and Thierry had picked up a back injury and wasn’t starting. The disappointment of the weeks previous results was pretty crushing and I was desperate to get to Highbury to cheer the team out of the tunnel. For some reason I was worried that the crowd would hold back on their support, how foolish of me. The noise that Highbury created that day when the team ran out brought tears to my eyes, to a man we stood and cheered them until I thought we would burst.

The game started off badly and by half-time Liverpool had definitely scored 2 goals and I think we’d scored 1 but in the second half Thierry came on and scored a hat-trick and the tears rolled again.

It was 2004. It was the eighth game before the end of the season, the season where we would go unbeaten. I believe Theirry Henry saved our unbeaten run on that day, coming off the bench with a back injury and single-handedly winning that game, but he was always my hero anyway.

This team have 2 difficult away games before I can take my seat and be part of our history but from the comfort of my couch I will be shouting loudly in my support and just hope its enough. We still have a double in our sites, lets go and grab it.

Written by peachesgooner

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

Fergie’s Had a Punt on Arsenal to Win the Title

March 7, 2011

Something very, very fishy is going on (and I don’t mean David Platt’s increasing resemblance to a grouper).

In a season which promised to be the most competitive in recent memory, the top clubs seem locked in a battle to NOT win the Premier League.

It didn’t start out this way.

Chelsea began the campaign exactly as they finished last year, slipping into their rhythm as smoothly as a well-soaped mobile phone slips into Ashley’s, er, back pocket.

United embarked on an unbeaten run that, although unspectacular, had some mug pundits talking about them challenging the record of the mighty Invincibles.

Manchester City unveiled a gazillion pounds worth of human bling.

And even the Tiny Totts were rattling a few doors and windows after accidentally discovering that their non-scoring, under-performing, unwanted left back was actually the very best player in the world ever, honest.

And then the contest to NOT be champions kicked in.

Chelsea started mislaying points like a blind darts player; United were about as successful on the road as a hedgehog with no legs; Citeh were stymied by their ultra-cautious Italian manager parking the bus for tough games like Wigan at home; and the Spuds found that their new hero Bale was less of interest to Real Madrid than to anthropologists searching for the missing link.

The only consistent team were Arsenal, who were, to use the cliché, consistent in their inconsistency.

It’s at times like this that you can rely on a manager and a team who have done it many times before to take the thing by the scruff of the neck. And, sure enough, for a while, the claret-conked Caledonian and his boys looked like they were going to claim the title without any serious challenge.

But that’s when the weirdness started happening.

Arsenal, having slowly and oh-so painfully emerged as the most likely challenger, started to shoot themselves in the foot.

First, away at Newcastle United, we romped to a four-nil half time lead… then collapsed in the second half to draw four-all. Fans, players and manager were all on the floor, while the media hyenas played tug of war with our corpse. You couldn’t imagine what it would take to lift everyone up again.

We needed a knight in shining armour and, that very same weekend, along he came. Sir Alex of Sozzle duly managed to engineer a first defeat of the season for his team, against bottom placed Wolves no less.

What had seemed a disastrous, dispiriting two points dropped for Arsenal suddenly became one point gained in the race to catch United.

Fast forward a couple of weeks. Arsenal are on a good run and morale is high. Even better, the first trophy for nearly six years is surely just a formality: turn up at Wembley, batter the Brummies and the Carling Cup will be ours, right?

Well, we all know what happened.

Fans, players and manager were all on the floor, the media hyenas etc etc.

Then, within a couple of days, along comes our kind knight again, allowing his team to lose to Chelsea. Three more points in the title race gone awry and just the pick-me-up Arsenal needed.

And now we arrive at the weekend just passed. Arsenal have a great chance to put pressure on United by beating Sunderland at home. Through a combination of inept officiating, obdurate Sunderland defending and wayward finishing the game ends goalless. When we could have stepped on United’s throat, we stepped, instead, into some doggy doo-doo.

Fans, players, manager are all on the floor etc etc.

But, astonishingly, for the third time our knight in shining armour comes to the rescue, taking United on the short trip to Liverpool and having them wilt like limp lettuce against their old enemies.

Once again, two points seemingly dropped in the pursuit of United has turned into one point gained.

For United to be so kind to us once – and with such perfect timing – may be coincidence; to do it twice is remarkable; to do it three times is downright suspicious.

I can think of only one possible explanation: that wily old Scot has had the biggest bet of his life – he’s placed a fortune on Arsenal to win the league this year.

RockyLives

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When side roads and roundabouts get you nowhere

March 6, 2011

Written by Wonderman

There are  some Gooners who will have seen today as a missed opportunity to put pressure on Man U, and would have their disaster faces all ready to show the world. Would they be wrong? Probably not, but was it a serious blow to our title charge? Again probably not.

Was Arshavin off side before he rounded the keeper and slotted? Didn’t look so to me, should the same player have been granted a penalty? Possibly, but I also think that Bramble did what an experienced centre half would have done and was given the benefit of the doubt.

With a 0-0 it is always a ‘challenge’ to produce a match report, but from my perspective before the match I was not expecting an easy game, especially as a little research told me that Sunderland had lost their previous 4 games. It wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to work out, what with their lack of form and having a manager who knows a thing or two about defending, to guess what their tactics would be. But lets look at our own team.

I always worry when I see Denilson and Diaby in the same midfield, add Bendy to that ( more on him later) and it would come as no surprise why we did not win today. The first half to use a cliché was nothing to get excited about. Sunderland defended rigorously closing us down aggressively in central areas and doubling up on our full backs. Other than Nasri dancing into their 6 yard box and going near post, their goalie was fairly comfortable, Why ? because our centre forward wasn’t running channels today and when he was put in delightfully by Arshavin in the 8/9th min his touch deserted him (as it does more often than not). His other party trick was to be on the other side of the pitch to the ball.

With all of that taken into account Sunderland’s defence was in dream land no threatening movements to alarm them and everything going to plan. But to be fair to Nikki B when you have Denilson passing sideways and backwards 99% of the time and Diaby twisting and turning himself into a tizzy then slowing play right down, it left only Jack to look for a forward pass….a big problem if you are looking for goal scoring opportunities and he cant do it on his own. Defensively we looked quite solid with the exception of the odd underhit back pass we kept Gyan quiet.

Arshavin was having on and off success , but as I have already said when you keep making runs and the ball doesn’t come, you soon stop making runs. The first half came and went  and Chesney had his palms stung once. Nasri was trying his best to make penetrative movements but Sunderland had done their homework and at the break it was 0-0.

The second half  saw us begin to exert more pressure on their final 3rd. Denilson was replaced by Cham to ironic applause, bushing Bendy out to the right. Cham immediately started running Channels and moving defenders giving them something to worry about and creating more space for his team mates the effect was instant. We forced corner after corner but could not break through other than Chams header against the post. Some good interplay in midfield led to Arshavin being set 1v1 with the goalie and he slotted coolly but was incorrectly given offside.

Shortly after, another forward ball sent him on a sprint to goal closely followed by Bramble who fell and made sure Arshavin made no further progress in the box, the crowd screamed for a penalty but the ref refused. By this time Rosicky was on the pitch but again did not add to our forward momentum. With a few minutes left Sunderland started forcing a few corners and the concern for conceding a late sucker punch was tangible. But we held firm long enough to put a final flurry of corners which were fruitless.

I left the stadium wondering….

Why Ramsey wasn’t introduced as that boy knows what a forward pass is…..

Why was Jack again our man of the match trying to drag everyone forward and battling from start to finish…..

Why Denilson doesn’t have a North on his compass……

Why Djourou seemed to trip over his own feet every time he came over the halfway line in possession of the ball…..

Why Bendtner doesn’t do simple things well enough for us when we need him to…….

Whilst most of us would have expected  3 points at least we got 1 and kept a clean sheet…the title race is still on.

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

Carling Cup – Plan A will defeat Clan B

February 26, 2011

Written by ryandanielwood

It’s been almost as long as AFC have gone without a trophy since I last posted a feature on AA. I don’t know if that makes this post a case of perfect timing and fate, it probably doesn’t. I just can’t help but want to express myself whilst the Arsenal are on the brink of expressing themselves all the way to a little piece of history! Yeah…that’s definitely it!

And what a chapter in our grandest of club histories it could prove to be. After peeling myself off the ceiling from ARSE-BARCE Round 1, I’ve become a little partial to dreaming of a spectacular quadruple don’t y’know?. Come on, don’t roll your eyes now, it could happen. The Red and White machine has been blowing gaskets and valves over the past five seasons, and when the going’s been good, the tank has either run out of gas or the fragile underbelly has suffered from a lack of maintenance. What about if this year “The business end” of matters is met with a head of Ashburton steam!?

The first road block en-route to our clean sweep of glory is Alex “let the dogs off the leash“MacLeish. A managerial figure of Scottish steel, that would scare the living pants off me, if I wasn’t all to aware that his steel is nothing more than cheap economy knockoff compared to that of the Purple nosed nightmare further north.

His plans IMO will be to put the Blues through a fitness and determination cycle the likes of which can only be equalled by the famous montage from Rocky IV. He’ll also no doubt fill Bowyer’s head with one last Wembley hurrah, and a strict instruction to end an Arsenal career on the night.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Mcleish would love to play beautiful football to achieve results, evidence is suggested by some of his dips into the transfer market . A couple of Blues have even plied their trade in our corner at one time or another, but to put trust in Mcleish to play a fair strategy on CC final day, would be as foolhardy as ever putting your faith in Hleb or Bentley to remain loyal to a badge with a certain cannon on the front. Maybe it is unfair of me to question their integrity, but it seems as though they took it as a literal sign to move on from our club as if being shot from one!

So what of our own chances and tactics?

Well so good is our Plan A at this moment, it can overturn the best team in the world. So I’d go with that, wouldn’t you? “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” doesn’t really do our game plan the justice it truly deserves.

That said, We’ve been spectacular and underwhelming on all competitive fronts in equal measure this season, so caution will no doubt be rife at times.

In fact such an inconsistency in our league and at our level would usually see a club knocked out of at least two competitions by this juncture, if it weren’t for the fact that our telling difference this season, is that we truly don’t know when we’re beat. We are the EPL team that is snatching victory from the jaws of defeat on a regular basis. And I am confident it is that new acquisition of unshakable grit, that is convincing all that watch on, that the Arsenal have finally matured.

And if we are to win it all, after living so long with nothing at all,  it might even plant a seed of doubt in the mind of that smug git Xavi, that Cesc is not all but Barca bound.

COYRRG

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Posted by Rasp

The title race …. will Arsenal wait on amber or go on green?

February 12, 2011

Nothing repeat nothing in football would make me happier than for Arsenal to win the title this season, if one could add the relegation of a Mick McCarthy team life would be even more rosy. Add in  the relegation of a Pulis team and my cup would runneth over (is that a naughty expression?)

Like millions of Gooners I was down-hearted at 5 p.m. last Saturday, despairing of my flimsy team and the imbecility of 3 men in black whom I wouldn’t trust to referee a park 5 -a-side. Who would have thought Wolves would cheer us up? Bottom of the table, managed by a Cro-Magnon man (just check his forehead) and playing a team who were unbeaten – no-one could have envisioned the result (though those with hindsight would point out Wolves fine record against the top sides).

Wolves last 3 victories were against MU, Chelsea and Liverpool – this is going to be no comfortable stroll, but if we are to confirm our pretensions to be Champions this game is a must win. No silly mistakes, no retaliation to what will surely be a very physical battle, and above all no drops in application or vitality. Hopefully last week’s lapse is a thing of the past and not a harbinger of a sad end to our season.

McCarthy is “bigging up” Jamie O ‘Hara saying he will have a major influence upon the game. Get a Grip man! This is a player who couldn’t get into the first team of Harry’s Muppets. That said, I expect us to go into the game with a weakened midfield, so perhaps MM will be right.

Diaby’s reaction last week undid the fine work he put in during the first half (despite the lengthy discussion on AA I still believe he cost us the 2 points). It is a shame as he played well for France midweek and today would certainly have started, instead I expect to see Denilson start. Song is just returning from a muscle injury and with Barca midweek he will surely be rested. Same with Nasri and JD.  Had Sagna not been banned for the midweek game I would have rested him but knowing that Messi will be fearful of playing against a rejuvenated Eboue, Sagna starts.

My Team:

This team will hopefully have enough to get the 3 points on offer. Depending on the fitness of Nasri I would play Arshavin, if there is any chance that Samir will not be fit for Wednesday, I would play Rosicky and rest AA who played a full game midweek.

I guess we willl all be tuned into the midday match. I hope for a draw which should Arseanl win would put us 2 points behind MU and 3 ahead of MC with a game in hand. A loss for MC will surely put them out of the title race. Actually, what I really hope for is an abandoned game due to an 18 man brawl with 5 red cards and a 3 points reduction, but if it is not to be I will take the draw.

England’s first ever automatic traffic lights were erected in Prince’s Square Wolverhampton. This is also the home of the mighty Noddy Holder and Slade. One of my early heroes was the Wolves legend, England Captain and Arsenal manager Billy Wright CBE, whom I once had the privilege of meeting. Another of my football faves was the Tipton Terrier – Steve Bull MBE, they don’t make them like him any more (for which Koscielny will be delighted!).

Let this be the continuation of our 8 match unbeaten PL run.

COYRRG

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Posted by Erik the Red

Sunny Times Are Here Again

February 8, 2011

In the course of Sundays blog discussion re the Toon debacle, a committed fan who unlike me, regularly attends games and who felt totally let down by what she saw as a capitulation by the team that day, advanced the opinion that I was too sunny in my acceptance of the team’s performance.

Now leaving aside the fact (if you will forgive the cliché) that I am viewed, rightly or wrongly, it matters not really, as a cup half full man, a Wenger apologist who can see no wrong with the great man and a purveyor of stories of times gone by.

It nevertheless seemed to me that despite the frenzied, put it in row “Z” defending we were practising. What actually undid us was: 1. A debatable penalty; 2 A nonsense Penalty; 3 A volley from outside the area that could just as easily have itself ended up back in row “Z. (remember Mr Rose at the Spuds anyone? and that cool Mr Rooney as a 16 yr old Evertonian perhaps.)

In the last two instances, that single strike was enough to sink us. This time we had three occasions when lady luck could have been a bit more generous, but it seems when shit happens, it happens big time as far as the Arsenal are concerned.

I mentioned during this discussion some famous dark days from yesteryear. Days when we really had come unstuck big time. Leeds, Swindon, Luton, West Ham all infamous days, burnt deep like  branding scars, on the souls of legions of Gooners of  varies ages,  and are now for ever enmeshed in the folk law of our club, that has elevated names such as Gus Ceaser, Don Rodgers and Sniffer Clarke, to infamy in the minds of those who like me were there.

Alongside these now will go the Courteous and diplomatic Mr Barton and poor old Diaby? Whose sending off for a half baked retaliation to a repeat performance, of the kind of tackle that has twice put him out of the game for long periods, (indeed at times we and he wondered would he ever come back, happily he has, but is now viewed with suspicion by a significant portion of our fans as not up for the job) has seen him castigated for being perceived as the catalyst for our so called capitulation.

Personally I felt the absence of the pace and height of DJ was more important as the game was switched by the Toon to an aerial bombardment, which we all know was a problem to us previously, but since the arrival of DJ and Chesney has been largely eradicated.

So sure it was dammed annoying to drop two points  from a position of such strength, was it the end of the world though? What were the net results? Well a draw and a closing of the gap on Man U.  whilst pulling further away from the newly enhanced Chelski. So hardly a disaster and city having played a game more are stuttering at best, should Tevez get injured what will happen to them?

With three home games to come we have a great chance to cement in the minds of the other title chasers the fact that we mean business. Agreed Stoke will be interesting, but we do not yet know which defensive personnel will be available to AW. Hopefully both DJ and Kos, will be fit in which case I see no problems.

Much is made of the Psychological importance of such let downs and the word momentum figures large in the populist presses reports. If this is true, what of the effect on the Mancs to losing to Wolves, invincible’s they aint, and our own loss of invulnerability by the true invincible’s, did indeed take a while to recover from, following Rooney’s dive. So maybe MU luck has run out and they are in for a tough time.

Our players no doubt are smouldering at the injustice of it all, the witch hunt of our magnificent Captain will also I think add fuel to the fire and far from damaging us Psychologically, will instead pull the team together and motivate them to take on the world and win.

So sunny yes I guess I am, why? well in football parlance: football as they say is a funny old game and this indeed, is a funny old season. Saturday was a game of two halves and I prefer to believe that the first half and the marvellous Wengerball that saw us 4 up in 27 minutes is what lies ahead of Arsenal the rest of the season.

In short, I smell sunny times ahead and trophies.

Written by dandan

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Posted by dandan

Arsenal get it wrong again.

July 27, 2010

The closing of the transfer window at midnight on the 31st of August is still over a month away. Yet the football blogs are awash with disconsolate fans, convinced in their own minds, that the fact that their club has not yet purchased the top player they believe is indispensable, is proof positive that the club or manager lack ambition.

Arsenal are a case in point, having just paid £8.5 million for a centre half that had been scouted and watched continuously for months by the same people who had  evaluated and recommended Thomas Vermaelen for AW. We immediately find our new man is derided as not good enough, supposedly lacking class, not the world-beater the club needed. These opinions based mainly on the amount of money paid for the player. The argument being, if he was any good he would have cost more and of course it also proves no one else is coming in because AW wouldn’t spend that much on a back up.  Regardless of the fact that at this level football is a squad game.

Mind you TV himself, quoted by many judges as the best PL buy of last year, is, according to these blogging super coaches part of the problem. He isn’t big enough even if he has a big jump, he is easily knocked off the ball by bullying centre forwards and needs a giant next to him for protection at set pieces. I would love one or two of these guys to tell him  that to his face. He doesn’t look a pushover to me.

In thinking about this I am reminded of Brian Clough, “Cloughie” in his heyday loved punters, fans and pundits to tell him what he needed. Rumour has it, that on one memorable day he was informed by a reporter that the  European club they were going to play had a centre forward who was the most deadly header of the ball in the business, “Don’t you worry young man says Cloughie, we have a secret weapon, a young man from a pacific island, he is 7’3” cant kick for toffees but makes his living heading and cracking coconuts as they fall from the tree, how’s your man going to deal with that” says Brian and walks of laughing.

More than a month remains of this transfer window. More business is usually done in the final fortnight than in all the preceding weeks. Personally, I am going to sit back, watch the preseason games, enjoy the silliness on the blogs, TV and radio and await the first of September with anticipation, knowing that the boss is more likely, than probably any other premiership manager to surprise us all with quality players – in his own good time!

Written by dandan

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Posted by dandan

We Would Have Won The League If………….

May 2, 2010

The radio just announced that the chavs could win the league today if they beat pool and the mancs fail to beat Sunderland. Three weeks ago it was a three-horse race and so with 2 games left and nothing to play for lets have some fun and think about how, if things had been different, we could be in that exciting position of playing for a trophy.

Feel free to share with us any other factors you think could have been influencial.  Rasputin wrote a post a few weeks back that alluded to how important certain players were going to be in the run-in. You can read it again here https://arsenalarsenal.wordpress.com/2010/03/23/villains-to-heroes-its-been-worth-the-wait/ not too hard to guess where Rasputin’s vote is going to go.

Hopefully in the last two games we’ll play some fantastic football that will get  the juices flowing and we can look forward to next season with relish.

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

….and we think its tough being a Gooner

April 23, 2010

The following post was forwarded by Chaf and is an actual rant from a Grimsby supporter. While there has been a lot of chest-beating, ranting and vitriol this week on the blogs it has been coupled with  passion, delusion and optimism and maybe thats what being a supporter is all about.  Although not successful in our quest for silverware we  have been competetive and putting things into perspective could you support any other team?

Subject: Grimsby fan bemoans potential life in the Blue Square

Poojah
April 17, 2010, 9:54pm Report to Moderator
Lager Top Drinker
Posts: 200
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Now I’m as optimistic as anyone when it comes to this twát of a football club, but after this afternoon’s latest capitulation it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee – we’re ****ed. Down. Goners. Non-league. To be honest I didn’t know how it would affect me, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming, but tonight I just feel absolutely deflated. Absolutely ****ing devastated.

I can’t get away from these emotions, I just want the whole world to just **** off and leave me alone. To help me come to terms with this whole mess, I’ve decided to compile a list of everyone and everything I want to **** off most of all.

For starters, work can **** off. If they think I’m going to be there on Monday morning they’ve got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with ****s that I can barely stand being with when I’m in a good mood, let alone this crushing feeling of anger, frustration and outright metaphorically-kicked-in-the-b*llocks .

Plastic Premier League fans can **** off. I just spoke to my Manchester United supporting neighbour (who incidentally, has been to Old Trafford before – twice) about Town’s predicament. You know what he said? “I know how you feel; it’s like when we failed to win a trophy in ‘95”. NO IT FCUKING WELL IS NOT.

He no longer has a face.

The girlfriend can definitely **** off. Her best attempt at consolation – “I don’t know why you’re bothered; you knew they were shít anyway”. Yes love, but they’re MY shít team. They’ve been MINE for pretty much as long as I’ve been able to wipe my own árse, and they’ll be MINE for as long as I’m alive (or at least, until I’m no longer able to wipe my own árse). Truth is, watching my team win does things for me that no woman can. If push comes to shove and I’m horny, I can always have a wánk.

Barrow can **** off. I’ve been all over the country and beyond to watch my team, but frankly I just don’t have the stomach to visit any town which makes S****horpe look like ****ing St. Tropez.

Dad, you can **** off. This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of shít. “Come with me to Blundell Park”, you said, “Come and support the boys”. What could I do? I was ****ing four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on Heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British Home Stores, but no, you knew best.

Granted, I’d have probably grown up a homosexual but surely even being simultaneously búggered by two guys named Seth and Quentin couldn’t hurt like this.

Seeing as we’re on the subject of homosexuality, Gok Wan can **** off. No particular reason, I just plain don’t like the annoying, goggle-eyed ****.

The F.A. can **** off. Not for supplying us, week-in, week- out, with inept referee after inept referee, but for imposing sensible financial rules on all clubs in League Two. How many clubs in this division have been into administration this season? Not one. How many points deducted? Not one. How the **** else are we supposed to avoid relegation – footballing merit? We didn’t have to last season, so why spoil the fun now?

The World Cup can **** off – I don’t care anymore.

My local pizza shop can **** off. I ordered a 12” Pepperoni over an hour ago, and where the **** is it? Are they trying to ****ing fly it to me or something?

Sky Sports can **** off. Nothing personal, but there’ll be little need for me next season with no Town to be found anywhere. Ooh, Bolton versus Wolves, LIVE. I think I’ll pass…

The radio can **** off. On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing ‘Down’ by Jay Sean at the exact same ****ing time. The song’s the best part of a year old, how the **** does that happen by coincidence!?

My nan’s old lucky Buddha that used to sit in her front room can **** off. When I was a kid I held it in my hands and wished for Town to be in the Premier League. I meant the proper one you fat ****, not the one occupied by Histon, Eastbourne and for ****’s sake, Ebbsfleet, wherever that is.

Tonight can **** off. I’ve had enough of trying to cope with my emotions; the time has come for oblivion. I haven’t kept any booze in the house since an occasion known only as ‘That Night’ by myself and the missus, but suffice to say that the toilet duck and luminous blue mouthwash are looking like stronger propositions by the minute.

Most of all though, the last 10 years can **** off. In that time I’ve watched my team fall from the top of the Championship into non-league nothingness. We’ve gone from one great big **** up to the next without even coming up for air, and today is just the big, **** off cherry on top.

One thing I’m sure of though is that we WILL be back. When it comes down to it, a football club is basically just a set of supporters, and frankly what I’ve learned in the last few years is that this one has some of the best. We’ve had to put up with some shít, haven’t we boys, but in spite of all of that the future is still bright – it’s ****ing black and white.

Grimsby ‘til I die…

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

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