Arsène: “Don’t drop Ollie G!”

July 28, 2013

Dear Arsène,

Not sure I can help you much more than I already have this week. Engineered some brilliant stats for you, and previously did all that tactics bollocks stuff to help you out with formations and whatnot.

Thing is this, Arsène, I keep reading how you are sniffing around all these expensive strikers, and I have concerns.

You see ,Arsène , while I believe all these stories, I’m not sure you’ve thought this through, and the main concern I have revolves around Ollie G. I mean, how can he not be better in his second season? Don’t you remember some of his sublime finishing, and that is to say nothing of his contribution to the overall team effort. My biggest fear is that you will buy said expensive striker, and either plonk Ollie on the bench, or worse, be tempted to do some crazy person thing, and to accommodate said striker in his preferred central role, put Ollie wide like you did with Cham and Bendy.

olivier giroud 1

So, what’s the plan?

I’ll tell you. Don’t spend all the loot on a similar player like Higuain. Waste of time as you’ll have blown the lion’s share of the transfer kitty on a type of player who offers no real alternatives.

So Arsène, this brings me on to Suarez. Two options here, give him one of those free roaming GiE type of starting slots, but that’ll mean dropping Gerv/Pod from the left. Could work if you get Theo to keep the width, and the pair of them can do the switch over manoeuvre from time to time. I keep reading how you’re about to flog Gerv, and naturally I believe what I read here also, so with a little rotation, and allowing for injuries, this will allow you to select three from Ollie, Theo, Pod and a Suarez type.

giroud 2

Couple of things to avoid then.

One, Santi stays in the middle, so don’t start all that deep lying No10, in the hole, false whatever nonsense to try and accommodate the new boy just behind Ollie.

Two. Ollie starts every game.

giroud3

Best wishes for the new campaign. Get the right couple of signings and we’re away.

Arsène, you have my mobile number, so as always, feel free to call whenever you like.

I remain, you’re humble servant,

DidIt.

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

Another book about the summer…….

July 27, 2013

Arsene Wenger’s comments on Arsenal.com suggest that we may be heading for another one of those Transfer Window that Arsene could write a book about.

It is very unedifying to see us linked with so many players but not to have actually managed to sign one.

Gazidis was quoted at the end of last season that we would be looking to spend money, that the wage structure had to change, and that the club was ambitious to win trophies. He also went on to say that Arsene could effectively stay as long as he liked.

I have a problem with the quotes because I believe that if the club were that keen to spend money and change wage structure they would not allow Arsene to stay if it is him that is blocking the spending. This seems to be the general story when looking at blogs and the redtops.

I think Arsene is perhaps too loyal to his employers, if Mourinho was treated as Arsene has been treated by the board he would be negotiating his settlement within hours, Arsene has been covering the Boards backs for a number of years now and still they do not help him.

Early signs in the summer were good, a number of players were being released and sold on, this we believed to be about freeing wage bill for a big signing or two, however I fear it was more to do with freeing squad spaces due to EPL rules on homegrown/non homegrown etc.

Now Arsene comes out and is quoted as saying the following:

We are ready to do quick deals but all the transfers do not depend only on us, but we are prepared to wait. It looks unlikely before the Emirates Cup.

We still have a strong squad but we are there on the market to try to strengthen our team. With or without additions we can be title challengers next season.

When asked about Rodgers comments on Suarez he said the following

He must explain that, I don’t know. We are not close to signing Suarez or anybody else so there’s no reason why I should talk about it.

There is nothing to say. I have been away now for two or the weeks and it’s hard to see how things are advanced because everyone is on tour at the moment and it’s very difficult to get in touch with people.

I believe that everybody competes on a very high level. What has changed recently is that in Europe, countries like France have bought some very talented players who would two or three years ago all have come to England. That makes the chase for talent very difficult.

What we want is not a name but a good player. The name is less important. What is important is the quality of the player. We want as many top players as we can but we have to focus on the players and develop them as well.

In midfield you have plenty of candidates – there’s a big fight in midfield. Sagna has settled in well as a centre back. We have a strong squad. We are there on the market trying to strengthen our team.

It would appear from the above that Arsene is already starting to be a disbeliever when it comes to the Board helping him sign his targets. Maybe it also indicates that the whole Suarez thing is balderdash of the highest order, but with Liverpool being so open about the offers it is hard to ignore.

Whether Suarez is the right man for Arsenal or not is irrelevant at this point, what is relevant is that yet again Arsene in my view appears to have more content for his Transfer Window Opus, apparently it will be entitled, Arsene loves our club and the job too much to walk away, but sometimes for his own reputation’s sake I wish he would.

Written by Gooner in Exile

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Arsenal Transfers Great Expectations

July 25, 2013

This is a covert operation to unearth your deepest desires, and no shame can be attributed as it’s secret. Well, you know how it is in practice, Obama and Peaches may be spying, but hey!

Now this is only going to work if you are sensible, and it is the “minimum” requirement to make you happy.

So, I need to make an assumption, and that is that unless you are smoking some seriously strong stuff, or you are Mr Henry at Liverpool and think Andy Carrolline is worth £35m (long hair and pony tail), then we’ll assume you get what you pay for.

TOTAL SPEND

1.      £0. We will be fine and everything is going to be Hunky Dory.

2.      £10M. This will buy you one reasonable squad level player.

3.      £20M. Two of the above, or one Ist XI’er.

4.      £40M. One Superstar, or two 1st XI’ers.

5.      £70M. The full amount that apparently is available.

6.      £200M at least, although it makes no difference as not only am I a Black Scarfer, but I also wear a black bin liner over my head which is possible as I live at the bottom of a pond, and being a simple life form, have no need of oxygen.

Written by MickyDidIt

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

When does firewood become deadwood (and vice versa)?

July 24, 2013

I have never been a massive fan of the word so many fans have taken to using as a way of describing players they think are surplus to requirements or wasting wages.

We have had many players labelled as dead wood by Arsenal fans, some may be correct, but there are also instances where players deemed to be deadwood have actually come back to prove their doubters wrong.

After the League Cup Final Koscielny was in that category, after many injury hit seasons Rosicky was in it too, Aaron Ramsey had the temerity not to play like Messi on his return from a horrendous injury and then there was Diaby, Arshavin, Squillacci, Fabianski, Gibbs and even new signings like Gervinho who have all been tarred with the same brush.

Arshavin started off life as a fan favourite and then ended up in the deadwood pile, could Vermaelen be going the same way? Last seasons performances certainly put him at risk of being mentioned in the same breath as Squillacci. But is it fair to do so? He is a player not on form, but surely that doesn’t mean we want to bin him and forget all he has achieved before.

Before we go sticking more names in the recycle bin can we just look back at the deadwood players from the last two seasons:

Koscielny – so important during the run in, became undroppable

Fabianski – came in when Szczesny was having a blip and kept clean sheets and was a calm presence in between the sticks

Ramsey – perhaps the most criticised player on blogs, twitter and anywhere else you care to look for the last two years, well the two years before the last two months of the season when his detractors could not keep up their set in stone view on the lad any longer

Rosicky – another big part to play in the run in and generally seen to give us an added dimension.

What’s the point of this post? To make you think before you start labelling players, criticise someone for their play by all means, criticise work rate but please stop using a cheap throwaway label for an out of favour/form player. You never know when they will spark back into life again.

Perish the thought if Jack doesn’t start well or Ox or Ryo, or Cazorla looks tired after his summer excursions.

Football is about squads and not everyone in your squad can be a world class player, but you need cover and you need options when someone is out of form, everyone in the squad may have a role to play, and when they do their inclusion in a matchday squad should not be met by groans because some one on a blog has decided this player is deadwood and that opinion has circulated around the wonderweb.

By Gooner in Exile

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Posted by Gööner In Exile

Transfers and The Arsenal Attack.

July 23, 2013

On this occasion, I have a huge advantage over all of you bright eyed and clever Arsenal Statty Sorts, and that is because I know what I have written below, and DidIt logic is pretty much Greek to anyone else (which obviously leaves Transplant in the know!).

Thing is, as far as I’m concerned, Rules are things that apply to others, and Stats are for my very own personal interpretation. Obtuse thinking to others, but clarity personified to me. Or so I thought.

Next season, we aim for top spot, and on the evidence of last season, these are the kind of stats we will be Gunning for:

Utd GF 86 GA 43 GD 43, while we ended with this lot:

AFC GF 72 GA 37 GD 35

First obvious thing that you will notice is that the defence doesn’t matter, as we actually conceded too few. So that’s that area dealt with. Right, up to the other end we go, and formulate a transfer strategy that will secure another 14 goals.

Let’s look at the evidence, and this is where I become DidItly elastic with the facts.

Olly scoring

The Attack is a collective unit. A successful attack is measured in goals scored, and the principal protagonists are the front three and the Advanced Midfielder (or Santi, as he’s called). Okedoke, so this is where things get a little complicated, because here I begin to use some of my own formulas and rationality. One or two assumptions need to be made. One, Ollie is the first choice CF. Theo Right, and Gerv/Pod make up the left so I’ll treat those two as one component, or position as some call it (I’m ignoring the fact that both Pod and Gerv started centrally on occasion).

Last season goals were spread thus, and I’m only talking about the league:

Giroud 11, Theo 14, Pod 11/Gerv 5, Santi 12

Pod scoring

That’s 53 goals out of our total league haul of 72 (19 to the rest)

Now, throwing in total league starts of:

Giroud 24, Theo 24, Pod 25 and Gerv 12 (av 18), Santi 36.

I then calculate the average goals (factored up or something) were these boys to start every game:

Giroud 17, Theo 22, Pod/Gerv 24, and Santi 13, giving a total of 68. Add in the 19 and we have 87. Champion Stats.

Theo scoring

So, there we have it. Same gang start every game and we are home and dry.

Oh ok, so things aren’t quite that simple, as we have to be slightly grown up about this and realize they won’t ever all start every game, so it’s a case of looking at the weak areas, despite the skew wiffiness of my logic.

What surprises me most is that Ollie, Pod, Gerv and Theo all have fairly similar goals to starts ratios. To my even more enormous surprise, it is the fragility of Theo that poses the biggest problem as we simply don’t have the goalscoring back up over on the right. I began this rather strange exercise fully expecting to justify what I have been banging on about, namely, the need for a Left Winger. The facts, however, say something completely different, which is that a Theoless Right leaves us in big trouble.

Santi scores

Given that I believe Ollie does have productive back up in the shape of Podolski, who himself doubles up to provide a two man team with Gerv on the left, that leaves the biggest question of all: the Theo fitness and can the Ox take the next step up this season and provide the goal per two games to keep the overall attack numbers on course (Last season, he had 1 goal from 11 starts!).

In short, as proved by Utd last season, and City the season before, the lack of critical injuries plays a pivotal role. City overcame this through quality cover, Utd were very lucky with Persie. Utd achieved their impressive goal tally largely through the fitness of Persie, who started 35 of their league games, but featured in all 38, to produce his 26 goals. If, as Podolski himself says, we will see the real version this season as he has overcome his injury problems, and he becomes first choice central cover for Ollie, perhaps what we need most is more firepower from the Wings.

Bernard does that. Yesterday I said I was cross that Arsene denied The Brazilian was a target. Now I’m really angry, but given that I’ve just read on the reliable Newsnow that Gerv could be off to Roma, I’m convinced a goalscoring Wide Boy will arrive, and one who can operate down either flank.

Written by MickyDidIt89

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How Much Is Cesc Worth?

July 22, 2013

I’m not asking what Cesc’s value is in the transfer market.

Rather, what is Cesc worth to Arsenal right now – and how much would we be prepared to pay for him?

We all know the fee we got for him from Barcelona (£25m) was ludicrously low. Cesc had openly stated that Catalonia was the only destination he would contemplate, so there was no chance of getting a bidding war going.

But with Manchester United apparently confirming that they want to sign our erstwhile hero this summer, some uncomfortable questions have been raised.

Not least, could any of us bear the sight of Cesc linking up with Brave Sir Robin for one of our rivals in the Premier League next season?

One of the much-reported aspects of the deal we made in selling Cesc to Barca was that we would have “first refusal” to buy him back should Barca want to sell him.

Arsene Wenger more or less confirmed this the other day during our Far East tour, telling reporters: “Fabregas has decided to stay one more year at Barcelona. Unless he has changed his mind. I don’t know. But that’s what I have been told. We have the clause in his contract so we would be on alert but at the moment that’s not something we are after.”

Although he didn’t give any more detail on “the clause in his contract” it seemed to be a tacit admission that we do have “first refusal.”

But what does that actually mean?

Does it mean that we have the right to buy back Cesc at a pre-agreed fee?

Or that we have the right to match any other club’s bid for him?

Or that we have the right to be informed of another club’s bid and start our own negotiations with the club and player if we want to compete?

The more you think about it, the less useful our “first refusal” seems. If it simply gives us the option to match another club’s bid then we probably have little chance of bringing back Cesc if the likes of ManUre, the Northern or Southern Oilers or even PSG are in the race.

But let’s suppose Manchester United offer a transfer amount with which we CAN compete (for example,  £25m-£30m), but also offer the player personal terms which are way beyond anything we pay any of our players.

One report I read yesterday said the Mancs were offering to double Cesc’s wages if he moved to Old Toilet.

Cesc talks very fondly of Arsenal and Arsene Wenger. But when it comes to believing in player loyalty our fingers have been burnt more often than a blind baker’s and we would be rash to assume he could not be lured to one of our rivals by piles of filthy lucre.

For us to hijack the move, we would presumably need to match whatever personal terms United are offering.

Which brings me to my original question: IF Cesc does leave Barcelona this summer (and let’s remember that he has so far said he does not want to leave)  how much should/would Arsenal be prepared to pay to bring him back to The Home Of Football?

Would we match a transfer fee of £40m? Would we match wages of £200k per week? £250k per week?

If we did, do we risk having a queue of other players at the manager’s door demanding pay rises? Does it create disharmony in the dressing room?

On the other hand, maybe it’s worth paying £200k per week to make sure Manchester United do NOT have Cesc linking up with the Dutchman.

Maybe we don’t need  Cesc at all.

I am conflicted about all of this. I would like Cesc back in our squad; I would hate to see him in a Manc shirt; but if we’re going to spend  £30-odd million on a player this year I would rather we got a world class striker.

What do you think?

How much is Cesc worth to us?

RockyLives

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Ramsey is Better Than Fellaini

July 15, 2013

It is probably wrong to give much (or any) credence to stories that emerge during this febrile period in the footballing year.

For example, the Higuain story has given birth to thousands of articles, comments, tweets and whatnot but – unless I have missed it – not a single word about the player had come from any official Arsenal source until Arsene Wenger responded to a journalist’s question during our Indonesia tour by accepting that the Argentine was the level of player for whom we could now realistically bid. Not that we were bidding for him, or even interested in him. Just that he was the kind of player we might be looking at.

One or two Arsenal players had earlier talked of “welcoming” the idea of  Higuain joining us – but what else are they supposed to say when asked by journalists about any world class player? “Sorry mate – not for me. He’s pants.”?

RamseySame applies to the Rooney and Suarez stories.

But, having said that, one piece I read recently did manage to particularly tickle my “irkometer” – it was the one that
suggested we were preparing to offer cash plus Aaron Ramsey to get Everton to part with the human microphone, Marouane Fellaini.

I sincerely hope this notion is as false as the vast majority of the other cobblers that has been reported so far this summer.

Or, to be more precise, I am perfectly happy with the notion of us signing Fellaini – just not at the expense of losing Ramsey.

Fellaini is clearly an effective player who would enhance our squad – not least with his height, physical presence and combative nature.

But Ramsey is a better technical player and will, I believe, emerge as one of the finest midfielders in the country over the next few years.

We all know his Arsenal history: snatched from under the bulbous red nose of a frothing Ferguson; an immensely promising start at The Home of Football; a horrendous injury inflicted by a moronic Stoke City Orc; a difficult period or readjusting to first team football; abuse from some Arsenal so-called fans who should have known better; the beginnings of redemption during our run-in to the season just finished, when Aaron’s commitment, skill and work rate were instrumental in helping us clinch fourth place ahead of the Forces of Spudness.

In the last 10 or so games of last season he started to show what he can offer to this Arsenal team and I am convinced he will get better and better. Eventually I see him as having something of the likes of Steven Gerrard, Bryan Robson, Ray Parlour and Brian Talbot about his game.

He may not catch the eye like a Brady or Fabregas, but his contribution will allow others to do just that.

He is also part of a strong core of young British players that will be at the heart of our next title-winning team, alongside the likes of Wilshere, Gibbs and Walcott.

So – gods of the Summer Silly Season – please let this particular rumour turn out to be the nonsense that it deserves to be.

RockyLives

 

 

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Is The Arsenal getting less popular?

July 14, 2013

Some years back I wrote an article on the comparative popularity and visibility of the Arsenal in Asia. At that time we were a strong second or third after Manchester United so how has 8 trophyless years affected us? I have been lucky enough to spend the last eleven weeks travelling around SE Asia and New Zealand so I was keeping my eye open on where we stood now.

What I noticed that this time around there are a much smaller selection of shirts seen. Before there were the big four [United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea] but you also did see shirts from other teams like Leeds, Everton and Villa or Spurs. This time around, with the exception of Singapore, it was the big four plus Barcalona and Real Madrid and very few other team’s shirts being worn. The Big get bigger!!!

This is what I found in the seven countries I visited, of course everything is subjective and this article reflects what I saw in the places that I visited, who knows what I missed! I also throw in a few travel tips for those of you fortunate enough to be able to visit the area.

New Zealand:

This is the land of Rugby! The EPL is readily available on TV but each night there are 2 or 3 channels at least showing Rugby at all levels. Most sports shirts being worn are Rugby shirts and I truly don’t remember seeing a football shirt even being sold. In some British or Irish pubs you will see adverts for broadcasted games but by and large rugby rules here! The good news of course is Arsenal are no better or worse than any other team. Travel tip: Drive up the west side of the South Island, Glaciers, Mountains and lonely beaches. A truly spectacular drive with wonderfully friendly people.

Malaysia:

The main paper has 4 columnists who each weekend write on Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal. Of course, as everywhere in Asia, Manchester United are the biggest club but Liverpool are a very strong second and we are roughly level with Chelsea in third. Barcelona have really improved their visibility since I last visited but the EPL is still the main game in town and in a Saturday paper you will get 3 or 4 pages of EPL coverage. We were much bigger 5 years ago and have definitely slipped but each day I saw at least one Arsenal shirt being worn, sometimes more. You see the occasional QPR shirt around as they are owned by a Malaysian and he sells the shirts in his airline shops, Air Asia. Travel Tip: Kuala Lumpur has a serious violent crime problem so go to Penang which is safer and also has the best food in Asia!

Thailand:

My favourite country in the region and one where Liverpool almost matches United, the residual support from the glory years is very strong and most football adverts on television will show one or both of the clubs. I have to credit the Liverpool supporters in Asia for their loyalty when you consider their relative lack of recent success. Chelsea is quite big here and are certainly third with us just behind them.

Bangkok airport used to have an Arsenal section where you could buy shirts and casual wear. We have been replaced by Leicester City as King Power, who run the Bangkok duty free, sponsor the shirts of that team. What did surprise me is that Everton, whose shirts are sponsored by a major Thai beer company have zero visibility. Travel Trip: Skip Bangkok and go to Chiang Mai, its cooler, cheaper and there is more to do like trekking.

Myanmar:

I did not see football shirts being worn here for any team but I did see the Arsenal v Wigan game on one of their four TV channels. There were adverts around the city showing Arsene Wenger and Arsenal promoting junior football so perhaps we have our foot in the door. Travel Tip: Bring crisp US dollars, ATMs are problematic at best and shops will not accept old US dollars or even a note that has been stapled.

Sri Lanka:

I saw a few shirts around Colombo and we had a good presence, second to United but cricket is the main sport here and the level of support for football appeared much less than in SE Asia.

Travel Tip: If you plan to travel outside Colombo allow lots of time or fly, roads are bad.

Indonesia:

I was in Bali so most shirts you see are for Australian Rugby or football as that’s where the tourists come from but EPL shirts are around and United, Arsenal and Manchester City were all spotted by your hard working correspondent! Travel Tip: Bali is spectacularly beautiful but if you go then avoid Kuta which is rightly called the armpit of Bali due to it being overrun by drunken Aussie youths on the lookout for women .

Singapore:

You will have noticed I have not mentioned Tottenham as I truly had never seen anyone wearing their shirt. Imagine my surprise when on a pub crawl with my nephew I saw a banner with Singapore Tottenham Hotspurs Supporters Club opposite a bar we were in. I couldn’t resist and I just had to go over and ask one of the guys at the stand… WHY??

Even more astonishing there was around 20 people there and Glen Hoddle was giving a talk. I asked him who was the best Arsenal player he faced and he said it was between Rix and Brady but felt on balance it was Brady. He seemed a decent enough guy and as the only Gooner there they treated me well. Kudos to Singapore Spurs fans but still… WHY? WHY Spurs???

Travel Tip:. Aa night on the town in Singapore is amazingly expensive, a small bottle of beer will cost a tenner or more!! If you are a beer drinker head for Thailand where It’s still reasonable!!

In conclusion it was a tough 11 weeks of travel and we have sadly fallen back in visibility in SE Asia. We have a loyal and large following in Malaysia and Thailand but the last 8 years have seen the casual fans move from us to United and Chelsea. If we don’t start winning soon then I fear that in another 5 years we will have fallen back even further!! I found Bali and New Zealand to be out of this world spectacular and no one can beat the friendliness of the Thgai people.

Written by neaman

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Who should be Arsenal captain next season?

July 12, 2013

There seems to be a feeling amongst Arsenal fans that we haven’t had a truly great captain since Vieira. Henry, Gallas, Cesc. Some fine players there. But apparently not great captains. Two seasons ago we seemed to have solved that problem, but the manner of his* departure must also bring into doubt his leadership qualities. (* He who shall not be named)

TV captain

That left Thomas Vermaelen to take over the armband. He was a popular, and seemingly natural choice at the time. His steely eyed look of determination, his all action style, very visible fist pumping and gesturing to his teammates, seemed to suggest he was made of the same stuff as the stereotypically great captains that we remember. (Yes, I do have issues with typecasting a certain type of attitude as being the sign of a captain.)

But Vermaelen never recovered his form, and eventually lost his place in the starting 11 as well. Can anyone argue that he should start ahead of Koscielny and Mertesacker? Which actually begs the question, will he leave? Should Arsenal let him go?

Arteta captain

Assuming Vermaelen stays, should he retain the armband? Does a captain have to be a regular starter? If so, who is to be the new captain? The stories from last season suggest that Mikel Arteta was in fact the real leader of the group. Arteta had a fantastic season, changing his game tremendously to adapt to a new role, because that is what the team needed him to do. His statistics last season were brilliant, as was his attitude. So, should he just formally take over what he seemed to be doing informally anyway?(After all, you don’t need the armband to lead)

I would say yes, but there is a risk that Vermaelen will feel undermined. Also, if TV is precluded from being captain due to not being a starter, what about rumours of Arsenal bidding for Fellaini or Bender? What will that mean for Arteta, especially in light of his age?

Sagna captain

Who else could be captain? In my view Sagna could stake a real claim, despite his poor form last season. However, his contract having only one year to run might mean he should be overlooked. Another player who could get a shout as captain would be Per Mertesacker. He’s the organizer in defense, and seems to make his defensive partners better. He’s also already an authority figure of sorts at the club as he’s responsible for collecting fines from the players. A 2 metre tall defensive stalwart would suit many people’s idea of an Arsenal captain, even if he is German.

Mertesacker captain

Of course if it were to be down to popularity amongst the fans, then I think a certain Jack Wilshere would be installed as captain. As far as I’m concerned though, the only thing in his favour would be the (relatively assured) long term continuity in captain, which would be lacking in Arteta, Sagna, and maybe even Vermaelen’s case. For the rest, I think he’s still too young (and a little reckless). He should concentrate on getting his fitness, and then his place back. He has a long future ahead of him and there’s no need to rush to make him captain, especially when there are better candidates for the role.

Jack captain

So who would you vote for as Arsenal captain? (Bonus. Who should be vice captain?)

Written by Shard

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Sanogo Concludes Arsenal’s Summer Business?

July 8, 2013

Well not for me it doesn’t, I remain optimistic that the best is still to come and my rationale is this: put simply, we have at last moved up a drawer; we are still unable to shop in the top drawer, that remains the domain of Man City, Man U, Chelsea, Barça, Real and PSG and they are all hovering around Cavani but with the winks and nudges suggesting that Arsenal have 60 mil to spend we are able to shop in the next draw down, and that is where the likes of Higuaín can be found.

Some might suggest that with 60 million available we should have more financial clout than Barça or Real and I would agree but we all know or at least we should know that those two clubs offer a greater prestigious attraction than we do which will trump us if the money is equal.

But, just in case you think I am singing the praises of other clubs a little too loudly than is healthy, you might note I have not included any of the Italian teams. We have, quite simply moved ahead of that lot.

Other more observant readers are sure to notice that for all the teams I have mentioned above I have only suggested one top drawer player: Cavani, and those same people will also realise that one player is not going to satisfy five clubs so the fear is that they start looking in the second drawer down – which they may well do and that is what Real are surely waiting for because they know that if Chelsea show an interest the price will rise beyond our reach – But I remain optimistic as I am not sure that Mourinho’s ego will allow him shop in such a squalid place.

How many drawers are there for goodness sake?

Well, to me there are four draws, a bit like the four divisions of the old English football league. We have moved from drawer 3 to drawer 2.

Our knuckle dragging neighbours still shop in the bottom drawer.

Podolski, Mertasacker and Giroud came from the third draw down and as such we were able to pick them up quicker but there is a price to pay for moving up a drawer — we have to be more patient.

But for all my swan like calmness above the water, regarding Higuaín, my feet are panicking like crazy below the water about Fellaini, a striker would be good but if we could sign just one more player this summer my vote would be for the Belgian. That man would change everything. It would be impossible for Wenger to play the same style as we have for the last umpteen seasons. For me Fellaini would undoubtedly bring not only aggression but violence; he would bring fear, the kind of fear we exuded when Vieira and Petite were in their pomp.

And what drawer can Fellaini be found in? I don’t give a monkeys — just sign him.

If we could sign just one player out of Higuaín or Fellaini who would you chose?

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