Rooney doesn’t dive, Gerard doesn’t dive ….. and Eduardo is a cheat

February 17, 2015

Rooney doesn’t dive … he’s an English bulldog

Gerard doesn’t dive …..  he’s a legend

Eduardo is a diving foreign cheat …..

Discuss …. and tell me again why on the spot video replays will ruin the game???

Rasp


Secret Letters Reveal Arsenal Transfer Plans

June 3, 2013

Yes, it’s that time again: time to find out which of the “transfer target” stories have legs and which don’t, based on an ancient and secret formula for decoding the gossip and separating the silver from the dross.

The key lies in the letters.

No, not letters from Dick Law to various European club presidents saying “Please can we have player X. We will give you lots of money eventually but only after we have haggled until the last second of the transfer window. Go on – please.”

It’s far more mysterious than that.

You see just as astrologers find hidden meaning in the music of the spheres and phrenologists divine whole futures from the bumps on your bonce, so too can skilled observers detect clues from the very letters that make up the names of our purported targets.

I am such a skilled observer so, once again, I can proudly reveal the results of the Arsenal Arsenal Anagramometer. It’s a very simple process: you take the letters of a given target’s name, scramble them into new words – and in those words lie the answers to whether those players are right for the Mighty Arsenal or – in some cases – are definitely heading our way.

For example, a couple of summers ago there was a story linking us with a move for the Wolves and Ireland striker Kevin Doyle. There were even some indications that the Arsenal hierarchy really were looking at him as a stop-gap target man.

However, once the Arsenal Arsenal Anagramometer revealed that when you scramble “Kevin Doyle” you get “Evil Donkey” the club dropped him like a hot potato. And rightly so.

Likewise I could have told you weeks ago that Yaya Sanogo would be joining us after I scrambled his letters and came up with: “As a Goon? Yay!”

So now we move onto this summer’s mooted targets. The secrets that emerge from the anagramometer may surprise you…

Stevan Jovetic

The Montenegran striker currently at Fiorentina has been very strongly linked with us this summer. I don’t doubt his skills, but the letters show that he may be motivated by personal greed and may have an arrogant personality that won’t gel with the rest of the dressing room: “Vain – Covets Jet.”

Gonzalo Higuain

Sometimes the revelations of the letters are clear – sometimes they are more cryptic. Higuain comes into the latter category. The supremely gifted, two-footed Argentinian striker has apparently told Real Madrid that he wants to leave – but will he come to us? His scrambled letters come out as “Laughing In A Zoo.” Now that could be a reflection of how he feels currently in the crazy world of Mourinho’s Madrid. Or it could be a metaphor for him having a happy and successful time in the middle of Arsenal’s menagerie of prize specimens from all over the world. I like Higuain so I hope it’s the latter.

Wayne Rooney

Poor old Wazza. We’ve unscrambled him before and it always just comes out as “Nan Were Yoyo.” The idea of a grannie bouncing up and down on a teenage Wayne is guaranteed to put anyone off their supper. And I’m afraid it guarantees that we will not be seeing Rooney with a cannon on his chest.

Edinson Cavani

If we want someone who is the anti-Rooney, then Edinson – who’s been banging in the goals for Napoli – is our man. It’s all in the letters, you see: “Nice – Avoids Nan.”

Julio Cesar

Another cryptic one. Julio’s letters unscramble as “Jail Course”. I know it looks confusing at first glance, but to the trained eye it’s another story – and one that almost certainly means he’s on his way to our squad this summer. For a start, he has had a course of confinement in the jail that was QPR’s relegation season under chief warder ‘Appy ‘Arry and he is clearly desperate to breathe again the fresh air of freedom. Secondly, the meaning of “jail” in the context of a goalkeeper is “secure, safe.” Basically, we’re going to sign Cesar and he’s going to be great.

Victor Wanyama

Unfortunately the letters in the Celtic defensive midfielder’s name do not reveal whether or not he’s joining us – but they do show that if we  get him, we will be getting a player with oodles of confidence: “I Can Avow My Art.”

Clement Grenier

Arseblogger himself has a little dabble at anagramising Clement’s name yesterday. He came up with “Gentlemen Crier” for the Lyon midfielder. Nice try ‘Blogger, but it takes years of dedication to master this particular art. In fact the true unscrambling of the Frenchman’s name suggests that if we get him this summer, it will only be a loan basis and that he will be very, very good: “Renting Le Crème.”

David Villa

I was gutted when I saw the way the letters fell with the Barcelona and Spain striker Villa. He’s a great player and I was hoping we might get him this summer. But “Advil Valid” suggests that if we do, it will be a headache for all concerned. Steer clear, Arsene!

Lars Bender

Who needs an anagram when you’re called Lars Bender, you might well ask. But even the most amusing names can benefit from a spin cycle in the anagramometer. And when we throw in the young Bayern Leverkusen midfielder we find that he might fit in ever so smoothly with our existing midfielders: “Rare Blends.”

Christian Benteke

If Arsene is tempted by the Aston Villa striker I feel impelled to warn him that it would be an unwise gamble. The naturalized Belgian (he was born in the Democratic Republic of the Congo) has had a good season in the Premier League but would be overpriced and may well suffer from second season syndrome. The letters are emphatic on what we should think of Wenger if he signs him: “Arsene In Thick Bet.”

Finally a player with whom we have not yet been officially linked but… you never know. After all, no-one was expecting that Sol Campbell would abandon the swamp dwellers and move to The Home of Football.

Gareth Bale

Let’s just say that if the Welsh Wing Wizard joins us, first he will have to have a “Large Bathe” to remove all traces of N17 pollution… you know, little bits of choke dust, some motes of envy and speckles of spite – all the usual detritus of lingering too long in the shadows.

That’s it.

Thank you for indulging my fondness for anagrams.

If it’s not your thing, no problem – it would still be great to hear what you think are the merits or failings of the above named players with whom we have been widely linked.

RockyLives


Arsenal planning Old Trafford rescue

March 6, 2013

Last night Manchester United faced Real Madrid in a key game of their season, and the master tactician decided to leave Wayne Rooney on the bench, in his place on the pitch were the ageing Giggs, inexperienced Wellbeck and unreliable Nani.

It appears that Ferguson has forgotten what Rooney is best at, playing football, I haven’t seen many players as gifted with a football as Wayne Rooney was at 19 but it can be argued that he hasn’t progressed, at Old Trafford earlier this season Rooney was given a job to do against us, it wasn’t to be the playmaker or the goal getter, it was to make sure Mikel Arteta had no time on the ball when he had possession, every time he got the ball Rooney was in close proximity snapping to get the ball back.

Is that really what Fergie paid £30m for? A man marking midfielder, what happened?

When you see Rooney play for England with Jack Wilshere you can see he enjoys the game, pass and move, receive again, Rooney becomes once again the player I saw when he first burst on the scene, full of energy, cleverness and skill.

So if we can somehow muster a Champions League place for next season, and if the board are really going to show some ambition and willingness to spend the money, lets make Rooney our first target. I am certain he would love to come and play for Arsene, proper football, enjoy the game once more.

The second target is Ashley Young another typical Fergie purchase, paid £15-20m for him and then uses him extensively, only to spend the next season on the becnch as Fergie has acquired new toys to play with, he has already signed Zaha for 2013-14 so what chances will Ashley Young get next season with the improving Kagawa also looking for increased game time?

Come on Arsenal show some real balls in the transfer market this summer and start a campaign now to acquire two players that could bring a lot to the current squad, and more importantly make people sit up and take notice.

Written by Gooner in Exile


How many Man Utd players would get into Arsenal’s First Team?

March 31, 2011

I spend much time discussing football with fans of other teams. Inevitably we play the “but he would never play in our team “game, and this could be the first of “How many Arsenal players would get in  ……… first team”?

Let us look at the current leaders of the PL,  Man Utd, taking what I believe to be Mr Wenger’s first choice 11 v Aaron’s view of the SAF’s first choice.

Note Well. This team is set-up in Arsenal’s formation , not the Man Utd 4-4-2 !

 

Van de Saar v Szczesny.

Not as obvious as one might think. Van de Saar has huge experience and has been a superb keeper. Had AW signed him 5 years ago we could well well won a title or two, but at 40 y.o. his powers are fading and retirement beckons. Whereas our new GK is but a slip of a lad and has a glittering future ahead – he dominates the area, is a fine shot-stopper and is learning quickly.  Experience v Youth?  It has to be the Pole.

Sagna v Rafael.

Rafael looks major find. Comfortable on the ball, can cross, likes to attack, and can tackle but he has already shown a questionable temperament and has clearly studied tapes of Dani Alves’s cheating  techniques. Sagna is quite simply the best right back in the PL. I would like to see his crossing improve but in every other area he is superb.

Centre Backs.

Man Utd are truly blessed in this area. Ferdinand and Vidic combine footballing skills and strength. They are both on-field leaders and the rock around which MU function. Arsenal’s first choice CB pairing is unclear, who are they? TV/JD? TV/Kos? Kos/JD?  The JD/Kos pairing seems stable and they combine well but neither is at the level of either of MU’s CB’s

Clichy v Evra.

I love Gael, I detest Evra, but my feelings are not based around their footballing ability.  Sadly, Evra is a fine footballer, a winner and very consistent. Gael, as we all know, has lapses, I think he is a better attacking force than Evra but Evra is more solid. I am afraid Evra gets the shirt.

Song v  Carrick

No contest here. When Carrick was at West Ham he looked as though he could develop into the new Bryan Robson – it didn’t happen, whether through lack of ability or injury, we will never know. Either way, he hasn’t the control or vision of Song who at the tender age of 23 is already one of the most influential players in the PL.

Fletcher v Wilshere.

Jack’s progress is nothing short of astonishing. At the age of 19 to be the central figure in the England team indicates a truly great player in the making, but Fletcher is the key player in a dull yet effective MU midfield. A terrier and a man who doesn’t accept losing – just the type of player we are lacking at Arsenal. So it is with heavy heart that I take Fletcher, because I believe that with him in the team we would already have won the PL, though I fully accept this is a controversial decision!

Nani v Theo

Another tough one. Nani has all the tricks, has pace and a fine shot. He also has a very questionable attitude and dreadful hair. Theo has better hair, more pace, less attitude and could be a future Arsenal great. However Nani has 9 goals and 16 assists and is the most effective player in the PL this season, whereas despite having his best season to date Theo has 7 goals, 6 assists. Shame on me but it has to be Nani

Rooney v Fabregas

This is difficult because they do not play the same roles as MU normally set up as 4-4-2-. If one assumes that Rooney is MU’s playmaker then we have to pit him against our own playmaker,  I could duck the issue and say it depends upon the opposition or shift Rooney out left to be compared with Nasri, but a direct comparison it has to be. Let’s look at this season’s stats – Cesc: 31 apps,  9 goals. 13 assists. Rooney: 29 apps, 9 gls, and 11 assists (?). On these stats Cesc is more slightly effective though both are the talisman of their sides. When either of them plays at the top of their form, their teams win. I love Cesc and this is an Arsenal site so Cesc gets it.

RvP v Hernandez/ Berbs.

I asked my MU mad friend Aaron who would be SAF’s first 11, and he chose Hernandez ahead of Berbatov. I would pick RvP ahead of either of them. Simply put, our Dutch striker is World Class, a player who can score both the spectacular and elementary goals.

Nasri v Valencia

Valencia is a fine player and I expect him to have a major impact on the PL next season, but Nasri is at another level. That Samir became France’s new National Captain last weekend is evidence of his rising stature and reliability. A fine player and with Valencia only just returning from injury, the obvious choice.

So a team of:

Quite how this team would function would be the managers concern though he would have a fantastic bench should the team not perform.

Clearly MU’s defensive steel added to Arsenal’s greater ball control would be a frightening prospect for any opposition and I would expect this side to win the PL, but they would be unlikely to go through a season unbeaten – only a truly great side could do that …. 😉

Finally, today is the 10th anniversary of Rocky’s untimely death. We all loved Rocky, he was a Gooner through and through, a hero to all who watched his development through the youth teams and into the wonderful player he became. My favourite memory of him was his goal at the Lane in the League Cup Semi-Final – one of the most exciting moments of my life. Gone but never forgotten.


Keep it tight or they’ll kill us

October 6, 2010

Written by SharkeySure

Whilst still marvelling at the eloquence of yesterday’s post by charybdis1966,  I have to disagree with what I think is its central theme, namely that Chelski and Man IOU sit back in the belief that we can’t really hurt them.

The game on Sunday kicked off in a very end to end fashion, with both teams attacking with abandon.  After the opening skirmishes Chelski  retreated a little for a couple of reasons.

1. Diaby’s position.  These days Chelski  pass the ball around in their own half much more than they did a few years ago, and Diaby (ably supported by Song) was harrying Mikel and the Chelsea rear guard into mistakes or longer passes. In attempting to retain possession both Ramires and Essien were drawn deeper and closer to Mikel to offer more support.

2. Chelski were fearful of the early impact that both Arshavin and Nasri were having on the game, and it was also clear that Chamakh was going to give Terry (spit) and Alex  a lot more trouble than they were used to from an Arsenal CF.

From memory, their goal seemed to come slightly against the run of play but nevertheless it was a very good goal, and once they have scored then we all know that its ‘park the bus’ time.  So whilst I acknowledge that Chelski may have ‘invited us into their lair’ as a spider does to a fly, the difference is that I believe that was always our eight legged friend’s original plan, but  Chelski’s was an adaptation to the unexpected circumstances they faced.  I should give them credit for that but I won’t,  instead I’ll simply say ‘well played Mr Arachnid, enjoy your lunch’ !

Man IOU’s case is slightly different to Chelski’s for the simple reason that Chelski do not change their system to play Arsenal, its still their tried and trusted 4-3-3, that either pushes on or sits (/gets pushed?) back.  Red Nose gives up on his 4-4-2 whenever he plays Arsenal and has done for quite a while now.  Fergie goes 4-5-1 with Rooney either up top on his own, or shunted out to the left wing, much to Andy Grays dismay;  and workhorses like Fletcher and Park get their first starts of the season.  His  sole aim to is to crowd the midfield and prevent us from passing his team to death. He really does not expect to outscore us in an open game.

The Prawn Sandwich mob in the stands were aghast when Red Nose first started doing it, as it seemed to go against absolutely everything that the Club and Red Nose stood for.   I believe it was after the flying boot to Beckham’s forehead game, that Fergie ranted and raved like a frothing inarticulate loon and realised that it was better to shut the game down, even at home, than to see his team outplayed as they were on that day.  He does not expect to outscore us in an open game, and resorts to safety in numbers to stifle our brilliant attacking play, well, what else would an Arsenal fan call it !!