Man in Cologne – Match Report

August 15, 2012

As most of you will have watched highlights or even the full Köln-Arsenal match, I won’t bore you with match details, and will stick to my personal view of the game, and a few bits of information picked up along the way!

Well it was certainly a gloriously day for a game – the sun shining and the wind, which had been gale force earlier in the day, dropped to a gentle breeze.

Köln is a very civilised place to watch a match! You can grab a beer and chillax on the grassed park outside the stadium – no police enforced drinking exclusion-zones here!

Chillaxing pre-match with a civilised beer

The local fans seemed to be in carnival spirit – I guess they were all here to see off Podolski. Interestingly, many of the new 2011-12 shirts worn by the fans have Podolski’s name on the back, even though he’s left. Put simply, he is their Thierry Henry!

The Arsenal fans in attendance were a strangely mixed crew. About half, I would guess, were your die-hard North London bunch. The rest were a mix of noisy Poles, smiley Swedes and a fair number of ex-Pats gooners from the local area happy get to see Arsenal in their adopted city for the second year running.

I normally wait to the last minute to go into the Emirates (one of the many drawbacks of being a smoker), but decided for once to have a look at which players would warm-up for the match. I certainly didn’t expect to be able to drink and smoke in my seat, which was a pleasant surprise!

And so to the action….

Before kick-off, Stevie Bould did ten or so laps of the pitch with Miquel Arteta, so he’s obviously not too far off from match fitness.

All the players looked fit and relaxed in warm-up, with Van Persie taking the central place in an extended one-touch keepy-up exercise.

At kick-off, we had ourselves a triple debut. Carzorla, Giroud and, of course, Podolski. Must be the first on this scale since Overmars, Petit and Grimandi back in 1997.

Podolski looked very sharp and I expect we will see him very early in the season (perhaps even straight away). He gets a massive reception from the Köln fans.

Giroud makes a lot of space – he’s tall and agile and looks like a very intelligent player. Strikes me as a straight-forward Chamakh upgrade.

But it’s Carzorla that really catches the eye. There’s a puzzle in the Radio Times every week with a wheel of letters and one letter in the centre, and you have to make as many words as possible, but always use that centre letter. That centre letter is the closest I can come to describing the role that Carzorla has in the first half. And even when he doesn’t touch the ball, his positioning and his runs make space for the move to progress. His two-footedness is quite a revelation, as is his balance, which seems impossible to read. Expect him to win a lot of free kicks this season from less intelligent centre-backs.

Cazorla’s link-up play with Oxlade-Chamberlain is pure poetry to watch. Fast, penetrating passes which leave the Köln midfielders dizzy.

The Arsenal defence doesn’t have much to deal with, but looks surer of itself that last season. I also believe that we can expect to see Arsenal holding possession much longer this season, and that, based on more passing options being available now, loss of possession will tend to occur lost further up the field. Both of which should help with the goals-against column.

So, three-nil at half-time:

Bouldy-style flick-on by Mertersacker converted by a Vermaelen bullet-header;

Ox wins a penalty which Podolski converts;

Podolski gets his second – a clinical finish from a low Gibbs cross.

The Köln fans sing Podolski’s name for both goals as if he had scored for them!

Half-time brings cool Kölsch beer delivered to your seat!

 A beer? In view of the pitch? It’s unthinkable!

And the second half kicks of with eight or nine changes, I believe (the accumulative effect of the local ale is gradually take its toll!)

Gervinho looks more settled than last season and scores a lovely goal to make it 4-0.

From this point on the game goes into kick-about mode. It’s almost as if Peter Hill-Wood had wandered into the dressing room at half-time and said: “OK chaps, one more goal and then clam it down. Don’t forget we are guests here!”

When RVP comes on at about the hour mark, the booing commences. By two big fellas who hadn’t made a single noise up to this point. A few of the Poles join in – they are by now quite drink! Most of the Arsenal fans tell them to shut up, which they gradually do. The two fat chaps carry on booing, and seem pleased with themselves.

Booooo! Booooo!

So it all gradually grinds to the halt of the final whistle. Vier-null to the Arsenal. Podolski is the very last to leave the pitch and spends a good ten minutes with the Köln fans saying his goodbyes. I expect he will be back here once his Arsenal days are over.

As I walk back from the ground I am accosted by a middle-age couple who wish to show me photographs on their iPhone. I am naturally quite anxious about this. However, it turns out that they had entered a half-time competition for the Köln fans, and had won the opportunity to talk and have photos with an Arsenal player straight after the final whistle. They just didn’t know who he was. The pictures shows a very happy, smiling Robin Van Persie, who the couple said was really funny and joking and talked to them for 20 minutes or so.

Is this the same RVP who was supposed to be sulking in a dark corner of the away dressing room, desperately trying to reach his agent for an immediate move to Old Trafford because he couldn’t stand the boo-boys (or at least that what The Sun would have us believe).

In any case, did we see the birth of Wenger’s Arsenal version 4.0 today? Quite possibly. We will see tougher opposition, and blind refs, and northern swamps, all of which will test this new experiment.

But it’s looking promising. Very promising. Can’t wait until Saturday!

Written through a beery haze by mjc

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

The Calm Hand of Silent Stan

August 14, 2012

 So how are you feeling about our summer so far?

I think it’s probably fair to say that most Gooners are approaching Saturday’s season opener with a mix of anticipation and expectation.

Or, to put it another way, excitement tempered by a nagging concern (like the way you might feel if your most reckless friend invited you for a spin on the back of his new motorbike).

The over-riding sense of optimism is largely down to the way the club has handled its transfer business this summer:

Experienced international attackers Podolski and Giroud signed up early doors; one of the best creative midfielders in world football wrapped up within the last week; and (at the time of writing) an apparent willingness to play hardball in our latest want-away-Captain saga.

After last summer’s transfer window debacle there were plenty of people willing to point the finger at the manager, the owner, the CEO and the Board.

So, if you agree that things have been handled well this year, it’s only fair to give credit to those who have made it possible.

Obviously Arsène Wenger deserves a decent slice of the credit cake, as (probably) does the much-maligned Dick Laws who handles the fine detail of our in-and-out business.

As a point of order, NONE of the credit goes to those Wenger-hating blogs that are trying to suggest that their criticisms have forced a change of policy at the club. That’s like the pebble thinking it made the sea retreat when the tide turned.

But the man who may well deserve to take home the rest of the cake (and eat it) is our very own non-speaking American.

Last summer was Stan Kroenke’s first close-season transfer window after assuming majority control of the club. My pet theory is that he believed Arsène when Le Boss told him he would be able to keep hold of either or both of Fabregas and Nasri.

He gave Arsène his head – only to find it covered in egg as Cesc left after taking acid (DeoxyriboNucleic Acid to be precise) and Nasri, like the evil gnome he is, ran off with an empty wheelbarrow hoping to fill it with banknotes.

It’s fair to assume that, in his first summer in charge, Kroenke did not have a full handle on how the “soccer” transfer window works. It operates very differently to the way in which transfers are done in most North American sports.

But Stan is a quick learner and I have no doubt he entered the 2012 window fully prepared to make a success of it (and to not repeat the mistakes of 2011).

So when Arsène said to him “I am convinced I can persuade van Persie to extend his contract” Stan will have said something like “don’t p*ss on my boots and tell me it’s raining.”

Well, alright, he might actually have said: “I hear you Arsene, but let’s play it safe this time round and act as if he IS going to leave. That way the sumabitch can’t put us over a barrel and make us squeal like little piggies.”

(One of the nice things about having a silent American owner is that you can have a lot of fun imagining how he talks).

Anyway, I’m sure he personally gave Arsène the go-ahead to spend money on the quality players he has signed this summer.

Of course it also helps that this is the first year in which our financial position is finally allowing us to spend money. Up until now the debt burden caused by the stadium move and the economic slump has severely restricted our clout in the market.

We have made a net profit in the transfer market every season since the stadium move while also qualifying for the Champions League every year – an achievement by Arsène that probably even eclipses his two Doubles, even though it will never be generally recognised as such. And he didn’t balance the books because he’s tight fisted, or obsessed with youth or obeying the cruel orders of an over-weening Board of Directors. He did it because it was economically essential for the Club to behave in that way.

Now, with the renegotiation of our major commercial deals on the horizon and our debt the lowest it has been for six years, we are finally able to be net spenders rather than net savers.

The icing on the cake is that UEFA’s Financial Fair Play regulations seem also to be having some impact on the moneybags clubs, with Manchester City, in particular, finding it a problem to bring in new players when no-one wants to take their vastly over-paid cast-offs. If it wasn’t for the threat of FFP, I have no doubt that City’s Arabs would just sign off on another couple of hundred million quid and buy whomever the manager wanted.

But back to Silent Stan. (By the way, isn’t it funny how the Glazers – who are also seldom heard talking about Manchester United in public – are never referred to as the “Gob-shy Glazers.”  Nor is Man City’s Arab owner, who generally keeps his own counsel, ever described as “Miming Mansour”?).

But if you look at his custodianship of his North American sporting enterprises, you will see that Kroenke is an involved and committed owner who gives them financial stability and every opportunity for sporting success.

I, for one, am delighted that he is in charge of affairs at Arsenal. I think he deserves the lion’s share of the praise for the good things that have happened this summer and I suspect him to get even better as the years go by and he learns the system more and more.

I can’t bear the lazy comments about how he’s only in it to make money on the club. Of course he’s in it to make money – he’s a financial investor. But how do you think he can best make money on his investment? By penny-pinching his way to mid-table mediocrity? Or by putting Arsenal right back at the top of European football?

You don’t have to be Bertie Einstein to figure that one out.

Stan wants Arsenal to be winning titles and Champions Leagues just as much as we do – because then the value of his investment will grow exponentially.

So let’s hear it for the mild-mannered American who is now firmly at the tiller of our great club…

Silent Stan – whisper it, but you’re my man.

RockyLives

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Posted by RockyLives

Could Arsenal Win The League?

August 13, 2012

Hands up all those who breathed a huge sigh of relief at the end of the first 45 minutes of yesterday’s game? Moi. I say that because I think like most I didn’t have a clue what to expect. Usually, we get minor changes enabling us to have a pretty good idea of what to expect but with last season’s and this window’s signings everything seems to be up in the air making it very difficult to calculate what to expect. But at half time, I am sure you agree that we could sit back sufficiently reassured in the knowledge that Arsene has yet again gathered a squad capable of making a fist of a title challenge and just as important we could take another glug of that cold beer safe in the knowledge that this will not be one of those seasons in which spuds finish above us. Young people might think that stories of spuds finishing above us are about believable as the idea that Father Christmas really exists but what can I say?

I could go into great detail about particular passages of play but you all saw the game so you all know it was a game of two halves, the first to give Arsene and idea of who was going to start next week and the second half was to give the lesser lights a feeling that they are still needed – and they are.

As for the new boys, I shall simpy repeat what many others have already said: Cazorla is class, Podolski is a leader and fingers crossed that Giroud is the goal scoring beast that we all hope for.

Sunderland next up – can’t wait.

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Posted by LB

Eau de Cologne – Horse Sh*t and Fried Onions

August 12, 2012

Today we take the pitch against Cologne in our last pre season friendly. Arsene’s pre season routine has been upset by the tour of the Far East and the games played there excluded a number of first teamers and most importantly our new signings were left at home to settle in to London life, and find their way around London Colney.

The games in Asia came early in our pre season preparation, clearly we were not match fit, and the games were used as part of the pre season training regime.

The trip meant the cancellation of the Emirates Cup and so we are left with one game to show where we are before the start of the new Premier League campaign.

I have no idea how we will start today, and I don’t think Raddy will be any the wiser come next Saturday for the real kick off against Sunderland. Thats good for two reasons:

1) It demonstrates a new strength in depth.
2) Our opponents will not have a clue either.

I guess the big question is will van Persie feature, my guess is he won’t want to, but Wenger might just make him. If van Persie refuses or plays without commitment it will make it clear to us whether we should keep him or not.

The defence pretty much picks itself when Sagna is fit, but I think today we will see a half each at right back from Jenkinson and Coquelin, for me I hope it’s Jenkinson.

The midfield three of Arteta, Song and Cazorla again picks itself.

It is up front where the questions are asked, any three of Walcott, Podolkski, Giroud, Gervinho, van Persie and Oxlande-Chamberlain could start, and it wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility for Arshavin to feature at some point.

This is the final assessment of the team before next Saturday but we should remember it is still a pre season, anything that happens today does not set the tone for the rest of the season, unless of course its a 10-0 win and then I will be rushing down to my local Bookies to put £100 on Arsenal to win the title.

I might just do that anyway as the squad is looking talented and has an experience to it that we have not seen for sometime. I never had an issue with the youngsters we signed and played but there were times where I worried that they were learning off each other and that meant they were going to suffer in their development, the arrival of Arteta, Santos and BFG brought an experience to the squad, this has been added to further by the arrivals of Podolski and Cazorla. These older players who have seen a lot more in football can help the youngsters and bring more responsibility to the team (and also remind them just how lucky they are to turn up at a club with the facilities of Arsenal).

Enjoy the game.

(PS Thanks for the title Chas)

Written by Gooner in Exile

And here are the thoughts of oz gunner who also had a great title 🙂

RVP’s attitude stinks but we’ve got Cologne

Today we play our last pre-season friendly, and all I can say is…about bloody time. It’s as though the off season gets longer and longer. Will he sign or won’t he? Will RVP be here for the start of the season or is he off to Man United/City/Juve/whoever will pay his high demands? Song to Barca or just his agent trying to get him a new bumper deal? I for one am sick of it. Let’s play some football!

I’m not too sure what to expect from today’s game and whether or not we can take much from the starting line-up. I think Arsenal will keep his cards to his chest and use it as one last chance to get some run in to player’s legs. I can’t wait to see Giroud, Podolski, and Santi get a run out and just what they are going to bring to the team. I’d like to see Gnabry and Eisfeld continue with their emergence and get a little game time because both have come with big wraps this pre-season.

How or what involvement RVP has on the game could answer a few more questions. If he sits on the bench for most/all of the match I think we will all start to think it’s a bit like the Cesc scenario, with us protecting him for potential buyers. Personally I think we hold all the cards in this. Man United can’t come up with more money (it’s just all masking their terrible share price drop and keeping the fans of their backs), so he will have to have a blinder of a year otherwise teams won’t be willing to hand over the money for his wages next season. Here’s hoping he has a change of mind and re-signs mid-year and we win it all.

Anyway let’s all enjoy the run out.

Prediction: 0-3 We will be too strong for the division two team

Written by oz gunner

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Posted by Gööner In Exile

Arsenal better with or without Van Persie ?

August 10, 2012

The answer to this question seems obvious to me. But I have heard enough contrary opinions here and elsewhere.  Of course, this is all out of our hands, we can only give our opinions – but that’s what we all do here.

With the  recent addition of Santi Cazorla, on top of Podolski and Giroud deals, the media and vultures on the internet and print are making up stories about a van Persie u-turn and re-sign. I don’t believe there is any proof to substantiate this. It’s just one of those suppositions that is interesting enough to grab some attention. Even though it’s very unlikely to happen, it’s worth thinking about.

We don’t know how things will play out with other comings and goings probable in the next few weeks. The changes likely to occur will affect midfield mostly, and defense and possibly a bit on the wings, depending on Walcott’s situation. But if you look just at the striker situation, I think the answer becomes pretty simple.

I’ve heard and read hundreds of comments about how RvP should be “sent packing”, how it’s best for the team, morale, harmony, clubhouse, etc not to keep an unhappy player. Also about how we could use the money. Personally, I never worry about the money situation when it comes to wealthy people or corporations, they will handle that as they wish, regardless of our opinions. I only worry about my own finances. Lastly, about how we would never see him the same way even if he does stay.

I will say this about the current rumours about VP to United – I think it’s all insane. I don’t believe it no matter how many articles are written. It would be one thing to sell to the competition, a ton of money to sell to Man City would not be out of the realms of possibility, because he is a luxury for them, he would play occasionally, and only make them a little better. Another example (not that it would ever happen), but – if you added van Persie to Tottenham, they would still not be good enough to beat us the way we are shaping up. But to sell to United, (which wouldn’t be overwhelming money anyway) it could put them over the top. He could really help them. All the class Arsene has instilled in him could make them much better. I believe, as we stand, we are a better team than United, and if we play up to our ability, we will surpass them this season, and a long time to come. I know Arsene is aware of all this, so there is no reason to entertain their offer. Let them wait another year (or forever).

I prefer to just look at the actual football effect if van Persie leaves. I believe Wenger has stated that Bendtner is leaving. For me, he would have been a solid third choice striker behind Podolski and Giroud, but he even stated himself that he will not play for us again. That leaves Chamakh in that spot.

Now if van Persie were to play for us this season there would be alot of benefits all around. First, the leagues best striker playing in his perfect system again, this time with some actual opportunities to be rested properly. Time for Podolski and Giroud to be worked in slowly. The chance for Pod to get in some time on the wing to give more goal threat from there. Then some talk of mixing in a bit of 4-4-2 for a change. Some chances to experiment with van Persie playing behind Giroud. And- all this along with Cazorla. Tell me that’s not enticing.

Finally, a question that I have posed here before to those (myself included), who were hurt and angered by RvP’s statement, but more to those who say they would never forgive him, or would rather have the money from his sale. How would you feel watching the first match against Sunderland, if van Persie scores one, and/or assists one. Watching him celebrate with his teammates? I have a feeling the players would accept him back happily. Would it matter if it was just for one last season. Would it be that hard to forgive him?

I believe it’s still Arsenal who decides where he plays THIS season. Not the papers, websites or Talksport; not the clubs he may be talking to, and certainly not his agent.  At this point I couldn’t care less where he dreams of going and being paid. Our dream is to have a fantastic season, and to show everyone that Arsenal is back at the top.

Written by jnyc

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

The Rumour Mill

August 8, 2012

I have posted on here before of my amusement at the intensity of fans during the summer break, I know I am in the minority but I simply cannot be bothered to get wound up by the rumour mill and media circus. Thank god this superb Olympics has pulled so many of the scribes away from their dubious fabrications within the football silly season and directed them to a more worthwhile and fulfilling portrayal of fact rather than fiction.

I am aware that blogs need to feed upon themselves, but the reading of tealeaves based upon todays rumour is surely just about as relevant to Arsenal as Madam Clairvoyants input as she travels the country with the summer fairs, reading punters palms.

We debate and denigrate the activities and statements supposedly coming out of the club whilst agonising and moralising over the leaked utterances of players not noted for their non-football cerebral powers, whilst knowing instinctively that they are merely stocking fillers emanating from a bevy of devious and self-seeking agents, many of whom do not represent the player concerned but have smelt a honeypot and gleefully inserted their fingers in the hope of getting a share of the sweetness on offer.

Fact has no relevance for these charlatans, yet we the fans are moved to cogitate that there is no smoke without fire whilst knowing in all likelihood that it is purely smoke and mirrors which needs no fire as the smoke itself is artificial.

Thankfully only ten days stand between us and the new season and though all our transfer business may not be finalised at least we will be able to debate from a position of strength as to the relevance of the work carried out by the club and officials. They have apparently signed and continue to sign reinforcements whist juggling the movements of existing staff both within and away from the club.

My reading of the blog through this period has engendered a feeling of sadness that so many of our bloggers have lost their trust in the club and its personnel mainly through the constant non information in the form of rumours being constantly recycled.

Roll on the new season and a return for us all to the real world of football.

Written by dandan

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Posted by dandan

Five Arsenal predictions for the start of the new season

August 7, 2012

In ten days time, we will be licking our lips at the imminent prospect of live premier league football.

I have really enjoyed watching Arsenal in the friendly games: not the results, which are meaningless anyway, but the individual performances of our players.

It was great to see Diaby and Arteta again. The former is looking sharp and fit and the latter is still working on regaining full match fitness.

It was also good to see Gibbs and Gervinho looking really sharp and full of desire. Eis-Eis-Baby had two great cameos late on in the game, and it was no coincidence that he scored on both occasions from inside the box, by simply being at the right place at the right time, whilst remaining very cool when it mattered most. The Ox also showed he is getting close to regular first-team footie. There were plenty of other positives too. Arsene has tried a lot of our youngsters and some seem to have made very good progress over the summer.

As I am writing this, rumours are getting stronger and stronger that Santi Cazorla is joining us, and if this is true, Arsenal will have strengthened themselves with a Spanish, a German, and a French international, which will add a lot of experience, quality and attacking thrust to our team.

I also liked what I saw from Ramsey during the last two Olympic games for Team GB, as it looks like he has rediscovered some of the form he showed at the start of last season.

So, how is next season going to pan out? This is always notoriously difficult to predict and I would like to invite you to make your own predictions today, in the comment section below.

Prediction one: We’ll make a strong start.

The first five games are against Sunderland (h), Stoke (a), Liverpool (a), Southampton (h) and City (a). I like it that all the away games are not easy: it means we will be fully focussed from the start. From our last home games against Norwich and Wigan during last season we have, hopefully, also learned there are no easy teams anymore. The best thing is that Arsene has a strong squad to choose from and he is not hindered by having to qualify for the CL this time.

Prediction two: Koz will replace Sagna at the start of the season, at least in the tougher away-games.

TV is like to be named our new captain, which means he’ll automatically play if he is fit. If both Mertesacker and Koscielny are also fit, I reckon Arsene will play all three of them. They are too good to leave on the bench and by putting Koz in the RB position he makes our defence more solid (and less adventurous) and does not have to leave either Koz or the BFG on the bench. As soon as Sagna is back and all three CB’s are fit, Wenger will be left with a bit of a selection problem.

Prediction three: we will play with one striker and five midfielders, and score more goals than last season.

I predict we will play very differently compared to last season. Brave Sir Robin (great name Chas!) imminent departure means we will go back to strong domination of the midfield, with most of our goals coming from our midfielders rather than our lone striker. The lone-striker will be more of a holding striker, who often plays with his back towards the opponent’s goal. The aim for him is to hold on to the ball or bounce the ball back towards the midfield in such a way that the midfielders can move forward and create all sorts of concerns for the opponent.

This will make us less predictable and less one-dimensional and, just as we did in the first half of the 2010-2011 season, we’ll score more goals again. It also means we’ll have a lot of possession again and pass the ball round a lot, but I reckon we will be a lot more direct this season, including players being allowed to shoot more from distance (as we have witnessed during the friendly games already this summer). The midfield fire-power will include the likes of Podolski, Theo, Cazorla, the Ox, Arteta, Ramsey, Rosicky, Santos and Diaby.

From the little footage I have seen of him, Giroud looks like a very capable holding striker and Podolski would be very capable in that position too. I reckon Giroud is first choice and the Pod will start a lot in midfield this season. Chamakh will be our back-up holding striker and I would not at all be surprised if we start with the Moroccan in the first few games, as per rumours that both Giroud and Podolski will be eased into the PL.

Prediction four: We’ll leak significantly less goals compared to the start of last season.

Admittedly, it won’t be very hard to improve on last season’s goals conceded during the start of the season. But I reckon Wenger and Bould will have drilled the team on how to defend as a team, and having our key players of Koz, TV, Gibbs, Mertesacker, Song, Arteta and Szczesny all fit and raring to go is also really good for us. We need to hit the ground running as I expect the Chavs and the Northern Oilers to set the defensive tone from the start with lots of clean sheets.

Prediction five: Podolski will settle in quickest of the new signings and will be our top scorer after the first ten games.

Podolski is a great striker with a very good shots-per-goal ratio. Arsenal play the sort of football were he will be given plenty of opportunities and this combined with his hunger, professionalism and experience means he is likely to hit the ground running. It will be very quickly: Sir Brave Robin van Who?

These are my predictions for the start of the new season. But what are your predictions? Are they in line with mine or totally different? You can let us know by leaving a comment in the section below.

Cheers,

Written by TotAl

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

Inside Ashley Cole’s Head

August 6, 2012

Poor old Ashley.

The lad is absolutely obsessed with his former club, Arsenal.

You would think, after six years of rolling in Roubles and scooping up a good haul of trophies, that he would be able to get over it.

But some tic of the psyche, some deeply ingrained weakness of character, means he just can’t let it lie.

A couple of weeks ago, showing what a good winner he is, he was bragging about how many trophies he had won during a period when Arsenal had won nothing.

Yesterday he was at it again, this time boasting about the fact that he had won a Champions League medal and telling Arsenal supporters to “get over it.” (We already had. Who wants to be the worst team ever to have won a Champions League? When we win it I want to do it in style).

Some would say he has every right to respond to the handful of Arsenal supporting Twitter trolls who have sent him abuse.

But doesn’t he realise that every top footballer – indeed just about every figure in the public eye – gets that sort of stuff all the time? Yet the vast majority don’t feel the need to respond in kind with their own name calling. Or at least they realise that to do so would bring them down to the level of the idiot trolls.

But Ashley seems happy among the trolls, perhaps because he has many of the characteristics of a fairy tale villain.

I sometimes wonder what drives Ashley’s obsession with Arsenal. Yes, he left under a cloud after being found guilty of participating in a tapping-up meeting (he was fined £100,000 by the FA for that little indiscretion you may recall, although, of course, in Ashley’s eyes it was not his fault). But that was years ago.

And he gets a lot of stick from the crowd when he returns to Arsenal in a blue shirt. But, really, that’s par for the course in the Premier League. All fans like to boo an old boy they feel let them down. But, unlike Ashley, most “old boys” don’t harbour the same antagonism in reverse. The smart ones cause far more pain to  their erstwhile fans by just ignoring them. Ashley, by contrast, rewards the Arsenal fans and fuels the animosity by constantly acknowledging it and responding to it.

The root of this Arsenal obsession must lie somewhere in Ashley’s psychological make-up.

If we were to go on an expedition inside Ashley’s mind, what might we find? Well, first, I expect we would be astonished by the sense of emptiness. All those wide open spaces where nothing much is really happening. We would probably feel like a mouse in a cathedral.

But gradually we would become aware of the hum of synapses working away somewhere. Moving towards the vibration we would soon see a large, vibrant network of connected neural pathways glowing and pulsing with energy. This, of course, is Ashley’s “Football Brain.” And it’s a good one – at least five times the size of Emmanuel Eboue’s Football Brain for example. This part of Ashley’s head is what has made him arguably the best Left Back in the world in the last 10 years.

Moving past the Football Brain we would pass a number of smaller – but still vibrant – centres of activity. These would relate to things like “sex” and “music” and “flash cars” and “havin’ a larf with JT and the boys.” Although not on the same scale as the Football Brain, these parts of Ashley’s mind make-up are all functioning well.

Then we go further in and… oh dear… what are those small, shrivelled things, barely alive at all? Ah! Of course! Ashley’s morals.

Here we find “Loyalty”, pulsing weakly and showing almost no energy, just the occasional quiver if the aural centres detect any mention of the word “Cheryl”.

Beyond that, and almost completely inert, is “Personal Responsibility”. This is the neural centre that needs to be functioning strongly to prevent a person from, for example, driving at 103mph through a residential street in Kingston, South London, or firing an air gun at a work experience student from five feet away, or admitting that agreeing to secret, illicit meetings might be partly your own fault.

Further on, past Ashley’s morals, the mind is just an ashy wasteland, a void of degeneracy and narcissism… until we spot something throbbing ahead in the distance. What is it? It’s throbbing with an intense red light. It’s small, but so very, very powerful.

Could it be…? Yes, it is. It’s Ashley’s Guilt Centre. And, unlike his Morals, it is very much alive. In fact it’s pouring a special kind of poison into Ashley’s heart and soul.

So at last we have reached our destination. This is why Ashley is still so obsessed with the Greatest Football Club in the World. It’s because he is wracked by guilt. Guilt for the wrongs he did us and the lies he told; guilt for abandoning the one club that’s trying to do things the right way, in order to line his own pockets.

And the problem with this guilt is that it sours the taste of every trophy and medal Ashley has ever won since he left the Arsenal.

Winning things through financial doping no doubt provides some satisfaction, but it is a tainted form of satisfaction. It’s like using cheats in a video game or beating someone at tennis by lying about whether the ball was in or out. Sure, it’s a victory, but it’s not a pure one.

Ashley knows that when Arsenal’s next triumph comes, when we win our next title or our first Champions League trophy, it will be worth more than all the baubles that have been bought for him over the past six years.

I know it makes me less than saintly, but I take some comfort from the fact that, in the small hours of the night as he lies on his water bed listening to the gentle snoring of his latest slapper, unable to sleep, in a bedroom festooned with pictures of himself, poor Ashley can’t get those thoughts out of his head. Those thoughts about the Arsenal and how, deep down, he should never have left.

Am I sinking to Ashley’s level by thinking all this?

Would you have done what Ashley did and take off post haste for the big bucks the moment they’re offered?

Is he any different to Robin van Persie?

Should we help Ashley to cure his obsession by all agreeing to ignore him henceforth?

I would welcome your thoughts.

RockyLives

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Posted by RockyLives

Football rules …… time for a change?

August 5, 2012

The laws of football evolve slowly. Very slowly. Almost at a glacial pace. But watching various sports in this lovely (if wet) summer of Olympics on our doorstep shows how other sports develop and innovate, to preserve and develop the qualities and challenges of that sport. That begs the question: what rule changes could football adopt that would improve it?

The guardians of the rules of the game are the eight members of FIFA’s International Football Association Board. Half of those members are from FIFA itself, the other half from each of the English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish FAs – this is one of the privileges afforded to the Brits in recognition of having codified and developed the game more than 100 years ago. Personally, I think that structure should be ditched but that’s not relevant right now.

As a preliminary point, I’m not going to say much about goal-line technology. The case for it at the elite level of football is obvious, and the IFAB and Blatter finally realised that they just had to accept it. The only issue now is working out the most suitable technology. But beyond goal-line technology, what could improve the game?  Here are my thoughts:

Sin-binning:

Field hockey does it. Ice hockey does it. Handball does it. Both forms of rugby do it. So why not football? How often do we see a soft yellow card awarded and a little while later for there to be another incident, perhaps more deserving of a yellow than the first, but which means the referee has a dilemma; should a second yellow be given, with the consequence that the player and his team would suffer the disproportionate punishment of losing a player for the rest of the game? Or should the incident be ignored, despite it meriting punishment beyond a free-kick? Then there are the cynical offences, where a player takes a yellow for the team, knowing that there is no real consequence for illegitimately blocking an attack, tripping an opponent etc. And what about all the abuse handed out by players to each other and referees? Referees seem to feel helpless in the face of the tirades of expletive-laced whinging, obviously fearing that in applying the rules literally they would make matches a farce.

The answer to all of these problems and more is obvious: have a sin-bin, so that players can be appropriately punished; a bit like Goldilocks’ porridge, the punishment needs to be not too much, not too little, it needs to be just right. And removing players for five, ten or fifteen minutes would seem to do the trick.

The IFAB looked at sin-bins in 2009, but rejected the idea, without deigning to explain the reasons. The reason for the rejection might have had something to do with their quaint obsession with having a single body of rules that applies at levels of the game, with a view that sin-bins wouldn’t work on Hackney Marshes etc. That seems to be changing with the goal-line technology debate, so perhaps the IFAB will eventually get round to looking again at sin-bins.

Changing the throw-in:

Any Orcs reading this will be laughing at this point: typical whining southerner, complaining about Rory Delap’s missiles. In fact, I don’t criticise Delap or Pulis, they were just clever enough to spot a way of exploiting a weakness in the rules. But those missiles should not have a place in football. They are a device to get around what the game is actually about, i.e. controlling and using the ball without the use of hands. And they are based on an idea of creating chaos and feeding off the opportunities that come from that chaos. I don’t see that as being something that should be encouraged.

So how about changing the throw-in action, to make it harder to launch missiles? Instead of the thrower getting the leverage of taking a run-up and taking the ball all the way behind his head, make it done from a standing position and with the hands going no further back than the top of the thrower’s head. That way the thrower’s range will be much more limited, and it would encourage real football.

Reform indirect free-kicks:

Isn’t it annoying when a rapid attack is ended by a defender’s foul, the net result of which is that the offending defenders get the chance to regroup while the attacking team gather for the indirect free-kick? Why should the team that has had a player fouled be the one that loses the advantage?

I reckon football should follow hockey, which a few years ago allowed a player taking a free-hit to pass to himself. That means that player can immediately drive into space, since he doesn’t need to wait for his teammates to gather. Opponents that are within five metres can’t challenge or get in the way of the player that has taken the free-hit in that way, else they get sin-binned. This gives the team that has been fouled a real advantage; it creates chances to exploit space to greatest effect. It also means that there’s less complaining at referees, since the priority for the fouling team is to get into defensive position before the opponent drives into space.

Those are my suggestions. Do you have other ideas for improving the game, whether taken from other sports or not?

Written by 26may

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Posted by peachesgÖÖner

Van Persie …….. he signs when he wants?

August 4, 2012

I am quite surprised to still find Arsenal supporters who actually believe that van Persie was serious when he wrote that he was not going to renew his contract because he wanted to go to a club where he would win trophies.

Although, I am not 100% convinced that he personally wrote or even endorsed the piece that everyone refers to on the web site that bares his name; I do think on balance that we have to believe it because, quite simply, he has never denied it. Either way, one indisputable fact remains and that is that he has not signed a new contract but in my view it is absolute tosh that the trophy thing is the real issue.

The idea that you are going to automatically re-sign to Arsenal is naïve to the point of being childish.

Put yourself in his and his family’s shoes and the truth jumps out at you. You are 29 you have one last chance of securing yourself a long contract. Given this back drop, 99% of adults with half a brain would shop around, which is exactly what Van Persie is doing right now and if a club offer him a 5 year deal; well, he is going to take it in the same way as Vieira did at Juve.

There is a further similarity between these two players as it raises the same question then with Vieira as now with Van Persie: do Arsenal really want to keep the Dutchman? Well, they didn’t want Vieira enough to match Juve’s five year offer and I don’t believe that Arsenal would be prepared to commit to having to pay van Persie with his injury record for a further five years.

On a side note, has anyone else noticed how we have formed an unlikely alliance with manu over the potential purchase of  RvP. What I mean is that it has suited both sides to let this rumour continue.

There is no way in the world that manu are going to push the boat out for a 29 year old injury prone player with the resale value of a two week old fish. But, to their naive fans that have their heads buried in the sand like ostriches trying desperately to deny a new footballing financial world exists; a world in which they are dwarfed by city and have no more financial clout than we do. Ok, so they probably realise they have dropped in the pecking order to City but there is no way they are ready to accept spending parity with us. To the average manu fan the possible purchase of RvP gives the impression that they are on a higher financial rung than we are which with their annual interest payments is nonsense. What we get is that manu’s involvement will drive RvP’s price up.

When this manu interest evaporates as could other clubs interest in him then Van Persie may well stay but it will have nothing to do with winning trophies, it will be all about taking the best offer on the table.

He’s Robin van Persie he signs when he wants.

Ok, that bit probably gave away the fact that I still have a soft spot for Sir Robin and it would take no more that one swim around the goldfish bowl for me to forget all about the nasty stuff and welcome him back with open arms.

Did anyone else do this? When I read that he was not going to sign a new contract one of my first knee jerk reactions was to zap my favourite game of last season – Chelsea away.

You remember, Terry pretending that he fell over to mask his lack of speed and RvP running on to score. I thought at the time of zapping that there is no way I could watch that game ever again – but now I am starting to think, what happens if he stays? Has anyone else got that game recorded because I am really going to have to come round someone’s house to watch it again?

Written by LB

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