DidIt here again. Couple of things.
Now I realize that you and I are not natural Bedfellows, what with my rather gung-ho and somewhat cavalier attitude to life, but nevertheless, I still feel that you may enjoy more of my footballing analysis and insight.
Thing is this, and my first topic for today, your positional awareness with regards to the left side attacking slot leaves quite a lot to be desired. It is, Arsène, this habit of yours in sticking the wrong players out there. Having discussed this issue with you before, I was going to let things lie. That was, Arsène , until you dropped your most recent bomb.
You crack open the kitty, and splash out 40 Million pounds on Mesut Ozil. Great so far. Then the bomb. You stick the poor fellow out wide. Not 4 million, Arsene, 40 million, and you play him out of position! 40 Mill may be sloshing about your petty cash tin, but to us normal folk, that’s a lot of milk. Let’s get some perspective on that, shall we? It’s the equivalent of about 1,000 pints of milk for every day of an eighty year life! “Respect Value”, I say, or have you completely lost the plot, Arsène ?
You see, it’s not the first time you’ve done this, is it, Arsène? No, it isn’t. Bendy, Chamakh, Podolski, Ramsey, and now Ozil. Are you mad? What’s going on?
You know what, I’ve had a thought and there’s sod all you can do about it. Very soon, both Santi and Mesut are going to be up for selection at the same time, and you know damn well that they both start.
Here’s the really funny bit, Arsène, you can’t stick both out wide. Ha ha ha. So what’s the plan then?
Even that Lunatic LB had a brilliant idea yesterday, and that was sticking Mesut centre top. Lateral thinking. Lateral thinking. This idea of his ties in nicely with the second point I wanted us to discuss with you, Arsène.
Nicholas Bendtner. Name ring a bell?
We really do need to consider our options in terms of protecting Big ‘Ol, and I cannot help thinking that our Nic is the most similar kind of player that would bring as little disruption to our style as possible. Never really gave him much time through the middle, did we? Just as I kept saying last term regarding Big ‘Ol: “Along the ground. Ball to feet”. He may be better than we think.
Thing is ,Arsène , what are we going to do about his fitness and more importantly, his attitude?
Bribery springs to mind. He’s one of those poofy sorts of blokes that like jewellery, so there’s an option right there. Perhaps a more ruthless approach, like the use of electricity, I don’t know, but I’d certainly like to hear your thoughts.
My biggest single problem with you, Arsène , is that while I feel perfectly qualified to share advice on tactics and whatnot with you, I do have to take into account your recent bloody results:
WWWWWDWDWWWLWWWWW and bloody W again!
Let’s be clear about one thing, the sooner you start listening to Bedfellows like me and actually take on board our advice, the better, and then together we can eliminate these draws and losses forever.
Sagely words I’m sure you’d agree. Perhaps send that Gazidis bloke down to Smiths and buy a new folder. You could then put a sticky label on it and ink words like “DidIt Do’s and DidIt Do Not’s” or something.
So, in the meantime, I say, “Sod it, over to you, Arsène ”.
I remain, you obedient servant.