Arsenal Midfield Genius Desperate for Hometown Return

July 25, 2010

After many months of speculation which has stirred up so much animosity amongst the Arsenal faithful, it finally looks as though this summer’s biggest transfer saga will not be settled until 2010 at the earliest.

In a statement that seemed to confirm how desperate he is to return to his hometown club, Jack Wilshere said: “It is what I have been dreaming of since I was a little kid, and that was weeks ago. In my heart I want to play for Stevenage Borough. Borough are in my DNA. They are also on my lunchbox. And my pencil case.”

Arsene Wenger was said to be saddened at the not unexpected statement: “There is very little we can do when a player has a desire like this. But I believe that we should expect a fair price for Jack, and that will not happen this year because of Borough’s finances. They may be champions, but they are not rich like me.”

This was taken to be a reference to the ten of thousands of pounds that Stevenage are having to invest in new CCTV cameras at their ground this summer in order to meet minimum Football League arrest quotas.

Meanwhile, in a stunt that was obviously intended to drive a wedge between the player and the Arsenal fans, Wilshere was grabbed from behind by a number of Stevenage Borough footballers during a live charity radio broadcast and was forced to dress up like a chav – the official Stevenage uniform.

One of the Stevenage players said: “It was all a big joke. Little Jackie loved it. We all know that he wants to play his football in our magnificent stadium with our magnificent fans, all within walking distance of North Hertfordshire’s biggest Primark.”

Stevenage’s other sporting genius, Lewis Hamilton, said: “This would be fantastic for Stevenage, and Stevenage deserves it. It such a fantastic, happy place to live, which is why I moved to Switzerland as soon as I got some money.”

Jack Wilshere is 14½

Written by mjc

This is just a bit of fun for a Sunday morning, we’re still around to debate serious Arsenal issues like our lack of defensive cover and whether Arsene Wenger is going to spend any more money in this transfer window.