Turned over by The Toon – Newcastle Ratings

The only people looking forward to this one were some Geordies hoping to finally take some points from Arsenal and Joe Willock making his debut. My mate, Nick had a tenner on 2-1 so at least some good came of it.

First Half

A beautiful sunny scene at St James’ was brightened further by an excellent volleyed goal from Laca with the assist coming from our new Gabonese left winger.

Then came the inevitable. Mustafi should have been trying to block Perez’ near post effort by getting his whole body in the way between ball and goal, not poking a hopeful foot out. Cech would have only saved it if it had hit him.

Unfortunately our best chances during the first half fell to Calum Chambers.

Second half

Nothing happened worthy of note except for the usual déjà-vu.


Cech – Beaten by two good finishes … 6

Chambers – Hector had a prior engagement at Brent Cross, so we were left with more proof that Calum isn’t really a full back (p.s. he ain’t no striker either)  … 5

Mustafi – without Kos there to mop up, Shkodran looked a little limited. Beautiful pass to Auba for the goal  …6

Holding – Tried as hard as anyone else  … 6

Monreal – Missed Mesut and Rambo when looking for a pass  … 6

Elneny – Couldn’t recreate the heights of Moscow in a team lacking movement and creativity … 6

Xhaka – Should have stayed in bed with the flu  … 6

Willock – Didn’t look out of place, comfortable on the ball (as you always expect from an Academy player). Unfortunately got in the way of a pass to Auba in our best first half breakaway   … 6

Iwobi – Best of a poor bunch, enjoying his freer role and taking some responsibilty … 7

Aubameyang – Looked to have initiated a perfect partnership with his striking buddy early on with a beautiful left footed assist, but sank into relative anonymity – 6

Lacazette – Cracking finish for his goal, but ultimately drifted off to sleep like the rest of us  – 6



64 Responses to Turned over by The Toon – Newcastle Ratings

  1. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Chas. Summed up the afternoon perfectly. You could have just posted the pic of Bill Murray and his little friend

  2. Rasp says:

    Thanks chas …. Great work … I’m amazed you managed to find so much content.

    On your theme Raddy … here’s a blast from the past for you …

  3. Big Raddy says:

    Saw them a few times Rasp. Loud – very loud.

  4. Rasp says:

    Yes, I saw them with The Edgar Broughton Band … it was a loud evening 🙂

  5. Eddie says:

    thanks chas, it seems I didn’t miss much yesterday

    Hector at Brent Cross? pssshhhh, Bond Street more likely.

  6. Cech – Beaten at his near post !!! … 4

    Chambers – More proof that Calum isn’t really a full back, nor is he a centre-back. Cost 18m from Southampton. His value 2m. His level: Stenhousemuir … 4

    Mustafi – Yet another appalling error for a goal (identical to last week) … 4

    Holding – Partially at fault for ball-watching for the winner. Cost 4m from Bolton. His value 1m. His level: Stirling Albion … 3

    Monreal – Contributed to the winner with a hopeless header … 3

    Elneny – After two forward passes in Moscow, back to his crab-like worst as the “poor man’s Hillier” … 2

    Xhaka – Same old same old … 4

    Willock – Not ready yet for the big-time … 3

    Iwobi – Maybe Fred’s right … 4

    Aubameyang – Contributed a left footed assist, but sank into relative anonymity … 3

    Lacazette – Scored a goal … 3

  7. fred1266 says:

    Instead of playing aubameyang in wing why don’t we play 2 up top

  8. GunnerN5 says:

    Hi Chas, we were beaten by a team that was instilled with desire. We were out hustled and lost most of the one on one tackles. None of which is surprising as they don’t want to get an injury – so close to their summer holidays??

  9. GoonerB says:

    Thanks Chas. Probably a game that begs more questions than provides answers and I haven’t even seen it or the highlights yet 🙂 I would imagine that many old problems were on show.

    Anyway I was writing a longer comment and decided to expand it to a potential post, so will send it in. It can be binned or used as is deemed fit 🙂

  10. LB says:

    Did anyone really expect to win when the team was announced? I didn’t, the only thing that surprised me was the quality of the first goal. Apart from that little gem we were as average as I expected.

    Arsene said he was baffled by the results in our EPL away performances — you cannot be serious, in the most John McEnroe voice I can muster. The man really doesn’t do himself any favours with comments like that.

    Or maybe it is me who is being daft?

    I just put into Google translate (Arsene Wenger version 3) I am baffled by our away performances.

    And it translated it as: I am resting my best players for next Thursday, dummy.

  11. LB says:

    “Poor man’s Hillier”

    Is there a more damning put down? Not that I can think of, it cuts to the quick that one.

  12. Jonathan says:

    I think the points in the post are too generous but not as bad as our Thai friend suggests.

    The defense has a couple of howlers in it every game. Some times we get away with it and others, like yesterday, they both result in goals.

    One might have thought that Mustafi would have learnt his lesson from last week, but repeated the mistake this week.

    Truth be told, I now have very little confidence in Cech.I am not sure that I have much more for Ospina either.

    Against massed and well-drilled defenses we are impotent without someone who can produce an accurate pass.

    Rest Ozil, Jack and Ramsey, and our chance of getting through is minimal.

    That we scored one goal is the surprise, not that we did not score more.

    I fear more of the same next week against the hammers.

  13. fred1266 says:

    Bond street Eddie, is that another place i should visit when i come London next

  14. GoonerB says:

    Now seen the highlights. Mustaffi did indeed not cover himself in glory and as Keown said in the analysis he seems to be making the same mistakes as he did at the start of the season. Sounds a familiar tune with Arsenal, the same mistakes! Where is the self reflection, the coaching the identifying and analysis of mistakes and the action plan to improve?

    Having already sent that (possible) post in to Nuts, some of the defending yesterday reflects some of my content in it. Beyond Mustaffi’s own individual performance, and whether he should have done better intercepting the first goal, there was a far bigger team structure, discipline and positioning agenda in our defending.

    Our back 4 seemed to be Chambers, Mustaffi, Holding, Monreal. I would ask who and where was our left FB on the first goal when we were exposed on our left defensive flank? How were our defenders positioned in the lead up to the second goal? What position was Mustaffi in? What position was Monreal in when he made that header just prior to the goal? What part of the pitch did they eventually score the goal from?

    Lots of serious questions on the discipline and positioning in our general defensive structure, both when defending in direct interceptions and the clearing of danger, and when without the ball to close off gaps and danger areas that could be exploited. Worryingly mostly the same or very similar questions are raised that we have identified on many occasions in recent years.

    Interesting to also note that both Keown and Wright did very little analysis of Arsenal. I find that more disturbing in some ways. It is almost as if they are saying we have said it all last week, and the week before that and before that, e.t.c. They just don’t see the need to say the same things about us anymore and, in our consistent same failings, we are becoming irrelevant to merit discussion and analysis. I find that a tad more concerning than when we are at least worthy of panning.

    Jeezuz, and I don’t even really like defending or its analysis. Seems I am not alone in that though, am I Arsene?

  15. Eddie says:

    fred – before Bond Street go to Hatton Gardens to rob a few diamonds, otherwise there is no point going to Bond Street

  16. Eddie says:

    you are right Jonathan, Cech is spent. Excellent goalie in his day a liability nowadays. He still has some great games, but not every game. Cech and terrible defending is costing us dearly.

    Not the away trips as Wenger suggests

  17. chas says:

    Just having a look at prepping your post for tomorrow.

    What would you like as the title?

    Having had a quick scan, I’ve come up with a few working suggestions 🙂

    “GoonerB’s guide to why we play shit”

    “Arsene, have a butcher’s at this – you might learn something”

    “Let’s pray we win the Europa and he can naff off”

    Only kidding, of course 🙂

    p.s. it’s the first one of your comments I’ve read from top to bottom for a long time and I think I now need to go lie down for a bit.

  18. chas says:

    I’ve gone for “Is a change of Playing Style required?”

    What do you reckon?

  19. GunnerN5 says:

    It’s not just our defense that has been poor this season.
    Here is our PL history of goals for and against per game.

    – GFPG – GAPG
    1996 to 1997 – 1.50 – 0.87
    1997 to 1998 – 1.79 – 0.87
    1998 to 1999 – 1.55 – 0.45
    1999 to 2000 – 1.92 – 1.13
    2000 to 2001 – 1.66 – 1.00
    2001 to 2002 – 2.08 – 0.95
    2002 to 2003 – 2.24 – 1.11
    2003 to 2004 – 1.92 – 0.68
    2004 to 2005 – 2.29 – 0.95
    2005 to 2006 – 1.79 – 0.82
    2006 to 2007 – 1.66 – 0.92
    2007 to 2008 – 1.95 – 0.82
    2008 to 2009 – 1.79 – 0.97
    2009 to 2010 – 2.18 – 1.08
    2010 to 2011 – 1.89 – 1.13
    2011 to 2012 – 1.95 – 1.29
    2012 to 2013 – 1.89 – 0.97
    2013 to 2014 – 1.79 – 1.08
    2014 to 2015 – 1.87 – 0.95
    2015 to 2016 – 1.71 – 0.95
    2016 to 2017 – 2.03 – 1.16
    2017 to 2018 – 1.88 – 1.36

  20. GunnerN5 says:

    The first column is goals for.

  21. mickydidit89 says:

    Well at least we’ve broken one record this season even if it is goals against 🙂

    Thanks for bothering as that’s more than the team did, although I don’t especially blame them
    Anyway, W’ham next, which again they won’t bother about, and nor will I. Then on to Athletico which could be a cracker

  22. chas says:

    Sorry, it’s the pedant in me….. one is Atletico, the other Athletic.

  23. Big Raddy says:

    Did anyone notice we got a glimpse of Rocky Lives last night? Miss the Yank based Londoner

  24. Eddie says:

    of course we did Raddy, I even nominated him for the comment of the day. I hope we will ‘see’ more of him now

  25. Big Raddy says:

    GN5, we don’t need stats to show we have had a miserable season.

    Chas. Have we got a post for tomorrow?

  26. Eddie says:

    ManCity had to release an official celebrations video due to the lukewarm response from the mancs 🙂

  27. chas says:

    Yes, we have, BR.

  28. chas says:

    Unless you wanted to put up something more time-sensitive, of course.

  29. chas says:

    Man U losing was the perfect ‘piss on City’s parade’ really.

  30. Big Raddy says:

    No. Just checking. Will write a couple for later in the week.

  31. Big Raddy says:

    Hoping for a WHU win tonight. Had to laugh at S’ton & Hughes at the weekend 😀

  32. chas says:

  33. GoonerB says:

    Haha Chas, you can call it what you want. Perhaps “Oi Arsene, ave a butchers at this, you might learn something if you don’t succumb to narcolepsy before the end”. Have you drunk more than your normal coffee allowance to get through it Chas or did you go with the pro plus?

    I have a feeling it will not be flavour of the month anyway and am expecting significant absenteeism on here as a result. Might be better to go with a BR post 🙂

  34. chas says:

    Don’t be a pillock, GoonerB.
    It was a joke.
    Different strokes and all that.
    I can’t help it if I prefer things that are mostly pictures.

  35. chas says:

  36. GoonerB says:

    No worries Chas. I just feel honoured that you took the time to peruse it from start to finish 🙂

    Sorry to say that I have looked back on our defensive shape and positioning of players from the highlights 2-3 times now and it actually looks worse each time I see it when you look at the 2 goals and the the key chances they had.

    Each time you pick up on something new with a different player when you look at it more closely and follow those other players who are not directly near the ball but who have a job to do defensively for the team all the same. Our team understanding and cohesion without the ball is shocking.

    At the critical danger moments you had CB’s that were positioned as FB’s, FB’s that were positioned as CB’s or advanced midfielders, DM’s that were unaware of the players running off them and casual strolling back from defensive players out of position even when we were under obvious threat.

    It is so unprofessional for a football club at this level that it is bordering on negligent. Most other professions showing that kind of unprofessional approach to their job would be dismissed for being negligent.

  37. chas says:

  38. wally says:

    Now we’re whinging about the lack of organization in defence?

    Groundhog Day indeed. 😉

  39. Ant says:

    Well personally I’m really looking forward to another Ant and Duck train expedition to see Wet Spam on Sunday. And we’re much better at home.
    ….And then there’s another Cup semi final to salivate over.

  40. mickydidit89 says:


    Have you never considered doing a train journey (with supplies and fine clothing, of course) to a more exciting destination? 🙂

    You could still do it on a match day

  41. Eddie says:

    and what would he tell his wife?
    he needs an excuse

  42. Eddie says:

    a note about best Dannish film ‘Men and chicken’: “We live in a wondrous world where a film which breaks box office records in Denmark prominently features a chronic masturbator”

    I always, always thought Danes strange at the very least.

  43. mickydidit89 says:

    Normal 🙂

  44. chas says:

    I’m not sure Ants will like a picture of him appearing just after a comment about a chronic masturbator, so I’d better delete it.

  45. Eddie says:

    is Ant Dannish?

  46. chas says:

    Mannish but not Dannish

  47. chas says:

    Not Spanish eivver

  48. Eddie says:

    gorgeous 🙂 🙂
    is he a leftie?

  49. chas says:

    Nah, just likes these

  50. Eddie says:

    ha ha ha 🙂 has he got a guitar?
    you don’t get bigger characters than Ant

  51. Ant says:

    I love how the blogging is progressing away from football to train journeys, chronic masturbators and the Toy Dolls

  52. Ant says:

    Gooner B will love it!

  53. Ant says:

    Cue Terry surely..

  54. Eddie says:

    well Ant, we need to prioritize the most exciting topics. Our football ain’t that.

  55. Ant says:

    Or the Bounds Green Bard as I like to know him

  56. Eddie says:

    @8:06. Be-jesus.

    I always wondered about a phenomena of gangs. I can quite understand someone killing someone else, I have been tempted many a times. But to get a group of people together plotting to bump someone off, I simply cannot understand.

    Same goes for 8:06. A single nut-nut is ok, but how do you get 8 of them under one roof??!!

  57. chas says:

    I’ve contemplated murder but you lot are nuts for dressing up and going out having a good time!

  58. chas says:

    My favourite films are about chronic masturbators but you lot that go to football matches are barking.

  59. chas says:

    Punching a bearded lesbian I can understand but having fun in public on a train, you gotta be kidding?

  60. chas says:


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