The parting in the middle – Arsenal Solution at Ian’s

Forty minutes ago I had my six quid at the ready and was waiting patiently for a trim at Ian’s Hair.

I grabbed The Daily Mirror, and worked my way in from the back looking for important news. Page 60, and bingo. “Sanchez wants to raise the Bar” the headline bellowed. I pressed on, and could hear nothing but sweet music. “Alexis Sanchez believes Arsenal underachieved…” it began. I was in my element and lapping up every word. Again, I pushed on. “It was an ok season” our Ace proclaimed, following which the piece rambled on a bit before reaching an almighty and deeply satisfying climax, “If I am put in to play centre-forward for Arsenal, I will do it in the best possible way”. Oh Dear Lord, was that as good for you as it was for me?

Early last season, we’d line up with Mesut on the left, Alexis on the right, sandwiching Danny in the middle. At that point Arsene announced that as soon as Theo was back up to speed, Alexis would move central. “Halleluja” I chimed. The Boss did have a clear vision when he lodged the 40M+1 pound bid for Suarez, and it was a fast, fluid and incisive front three.

Then things went wrong. Well, wrong’ish.

When I say “wong’ish”, what I mean is that Sanchez shifting right across to the left flank turned out well’ish because a). like all very good footballers they will be good footballers anywhere, and b). Mesut slithered into the No10 role, where has looked so much happier, while also being far more effective (and will hopefully cost me a fish).

So. Job half done

With the evidence presented at Ian’s Hair, I am convinced the final piece to The Master Plan is a very expensive Left Winger.

Any thoughts on who that could be? I asked Ian, but Ian doesn’t like football.




239 Responses to The parting in the middle – Arsenal Solution at Ian’s

  1. Eddie says:

    I am speechless. Such a simple solution, why didn’t Wenger think of it? Moron.

  2. X says:

    And was there a question Mr Micky?

    I agree good player is good anywhere but there are also specialist skills required in certain positions.
    Cazorla at CH probably might not work.

    Well done with the Post😆


  3. X says:


    Why you call Mr Micky “Moron”?

  4. kelsey says:

    six quid for a haircut , for me that’s just an estimate 🙂

  5. Eddie says:

    x – not Micky, Wenger is a moron.

    RC78 – Santi is not for sale. £25mil or his input to the team? No brainer

    Kelsey – I spent £15 on my hair, most women wouldn’t bother going without £100 in their pocket 🙂 Didit and I are not very appearance conscious, are we micky?

  6. RC78 says:

    25 mln :-p

  7. mickydidit89 says:

    Oh dear
    Afraid whoever published missed the last two lines

    “With the evidence presented at Ian’s Hair, I am convinced the final piece to The Master Plan is a very expensive Left Winger.

    Any thoughts on who that could be? I asked Ian, but Ian doesn’t like football, so was not helpful at all”

  8. G’day all, Micky, you being a seafarer of sorts I would have thought you could get a trim for a sick squid. 😀

    My solution to over charging barbers was to buy a hair trimmer for £6.99 from Argos and let my wife loose with it every five to six weeks. Must have saved me a fortune and saved me from listening to the barber’s corny old jokes.

  9. mickydidit89 says:


  10. mickydidit89 says:

    Ah Norfolk, Ian is dull but not stupid. He overnight doubled the size of his business by adding the word “unisex” outside. Naturally this involved adding a female “assistant” and exceedingly pleasant she is too.

    Oh, when I said doubled the size of his business, it’s still all men, just many more

  11. Mmmm, does she have a low sultry voice and ask you “something for the weekend sir”? 😀

  12. X says:


    Your question:

    “With the evidence presented at Ian’s Hair, I am convinced the final piece to The Master Plan is a very expensive Left Winger.

    Any thoughts on who that could be?”

    Easy: Big Raddy.

    Norfolk is right – where can you get your hair done for six squid?

  13. X, if you post your hair (piece) to me I’ll get the missus to trim it up for you at a very modest cost.

  14. X says:

    Thanx, Norfolk,

    To save cost, I will hack my hair off and send it in the mail, your Mrs can trim it, and I will glue each one back on when she returns it.

  15. JM says:

    Fresh, breaking news:

    Abou Diaby, Ryo Miyaichi – released from 1st team

    Brandon Ormonde-Ottewil, Austin Lipman, Jack Jebb, Semi Ajayi, Josh Vickers – released from reserves & youth team.

  16. Shard says:


    If you’d been paying attention you’d have noticed me talking about a left winger all along. You probably also missed kelsey’s new motto – Shard is always right.

    So, the Diaby haters will now have to find someone else to hate. Wish him all the best for the future. Could have been a fantastic player.

    An article in the Guardian puts the idea that the US might have some unstated motives in prosecuting FIFA under the category of ‘conspiracy theories’.

    Well how’s this for a conspiracy theory? Jurassic World (Jurassic Park 4) comes into theaters tomorrow, and today newsnow says ’75 million year old dinosaur blood discovered’

    I pay less than 1 pound for getting my hair cut 😀

  17. Big Raddy says:

    I have been saying we will sign Draxler since time began.

    I don’t need to get a haircut 🙂

  18. BR, you haven’t got a pony-tail have you? 😀

  19. Jeremy says:

    How about Griezmann. Might need a haircut though.

  20. Not a problem Jeremy, Shard can get it done for less than a pound. 😀

  21. kelsey says:

    Actually I said Shard is always tight. WordPress playing up again 🙂

  22. Eddie says:

    shard is always tight 🙂 Crystals – explain yourself!

    Raddy – what’s that about Draxler?

  23. LB says:

    Doesn’t the left wing gap get filled by Welbeck.

    Thanks for the read Micky, I really like the way you set your posts in everyday situations.

  24. mickydidit89 says:


    Yes Danny does get shoved out there, and does a pretty good job, but I’ve been calling for a proper left sided attacker since before Shard was born 🙂

    In recent seasons we’ve seen everyone from Jack to Rambo and Santi out there, to say nothing of Chamakh, Bentner and Podolski.

    My thought merely works on the Alexis idea of him moving central, which leaves a space.

  25. mickydidit89 says:

    Anyhow LB, I remember you, like me, being in the get Suarez camp for a mobile front three, so Sanchez’ thoughts, on top of what Arsene said early last season does point the way towards this:

    ? Sanchez Theo

  26. kelsey says:

    Is that it Micky, looks very high class (not)

  27. Big Raddy says:

    It is a valid point about the front three. How many headed goals does our “strong in the air” CF score? Hardly any. Almost all his goals come from his feet.

    Micky In

  28. chas says:


  29. chas says:

    I can’t post the comment I typed to respond to today’s post.
    Can someone release just one of the fourteen which are trapped in spam?

  30. chas says:

    For the life of me I can’t see why it would be regarded as spam.

  31. chas says:

    Maybe if I try to post it in small chunks???????

  32. chas says:

    Cheers, Micky.

  33. chas says:

    Ah but does the left winger have to be left-footed or a right-footer who cuts in from the left?
    Liverpool’s fluid front three was based on lightning counter-attacking football.

  34. chas says:

    If Sanchez moves centrally, will he actually play anywhere different to he does at the moment? Let’s face it the man never stands still and is just as likely to be seen on the halfway line as on the edge of the penalty area.

  35. chas says:

    Maybe Theo ought to play on the left – after all, it’s where he scored from in the Cup Final.
    Therefore maybe it’s a left-footed right winger that we really need?

  36. Big Raddy says:

    Fine work Kelsey!

    I like the look of the town and want to live there

  37. kelsey says:

    Never mind the left winger, micky has just confirmed that the link I put up is the famous Ian’s hairdresser 🙂

  38. Big Raddy says:

    chas. The Ajax Model. No fixed positions, everything is fluid.

  39. Big Raddy says:

    You should change your name from Kelsey to Clouseau

  40. chas says:

    Ah, so in the Ajax model no-one just plays centrally.
    Is the post about dumping Giroud? 🙂

  41. Shard says:

    Sshhhhutt up kelseee….. N all yu oldies picking on me.


  42. mickydidit89 says:

    THAT’S IAN’S at 6;10
    Top work Crystals
    More detailed comment in spam

  43. kelsey says:

    We love you really, you remind me of my grand daughter 🙂

  44. mickydidit89 says:

    No it’s not, but yes I would

  45. mickydidit89 says:

    check out the word “unisex” on Ian’s window. Seriously bad job but it worked 🙂

  46. X says:

    He reminds me of my grandfather, Kelsey. 🙂

  47. kelsey says:

    Oh here we go again peaches, every other comment is going straight into spam. Check out the last twenty minutes.

  48. mickydidit89 says:

    I kid you not, that’s one of our cars parked outside Ian.s The shit ford focus 🙂

    Its a brilliant link, you can even pan around the square. It’s 10 mins from where we live

  49. kelsey says:

    note. “one of our cars” 🙂

  50. kelsey says:

    Is that your flat with the UKIP flags draped around the windows. That picture was taken in 2011.

  51. chas says:

  52. chas says:

    A guide to some birds you might see in your garden this summer

  53. kelsey says:

    A crested wanksock.

    Seen plenty of those chas and I don’t even have a garden.

  54. kelsey says:

    Furious half inch, must be Shard.

  55. kelsey says:

    Hungarian cock gobbler. Ah, no comment might be appropriate.

  56. kelsey says:

    Insane Bastard.

    yep, me and Eddie. plenty more of those around.

  57. chas says:

    Unkempt Snatch was my favourite, Crystals. 🙂

  58. mickydidit89 says:

    Just works 🙂
    Although Steve is marginally better.

  59. mickydidit89 says:

    That car was valued at £100 seven years ago.
    Today? Still £100 pounds.
    A magnificent machine is what it is

  60. Shard says:


    I’m more of a ruffled tightarse.

    But seriously, this site seems to be full of insane bastards 🙂

    And one sole specimen of the Cheeky Bugger who now goes by the name of X but has a furiously red bottom.

  61. kelsey says:

    “But seriously, this site seems to be full of insane bastards :)”

    no, just two of us.

  62. The Cockie Monster says:

    Unkempt Snatch is the technical name for Terry`s Transplant !.

    I do my own hair for nothing, always have !…..I use the dogs grooming hair clippers on the dog and then he does the same for me and then we go outside and chase cars !.
    As for a decent winger, I have no idea, but just seen a bloke drive past in a car who is the spitting image of Draxler !……hold on a sec`!………woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof !………nah !….it was just Mark the gay farmer !.

  63. Oh no, oh no it was all my fault 😦 😦 😦

    Remember when we had that stupid troll on the other day that kept changing his name ………… when I put his names into spam I also put in ‘wn’ and there are lots of words with ‘wn’ in them – very embarrassed face – I’m so sorry everyone but the nice people at wordpress helped me find it.

    Should all be fine now 🙂

  64. Rasp says:

    Dawn fawn clown town sewn gown

  65. Rasp says:

    It works 😆 peaches out!

  66. Rasp – I think they’ve all gone on strike 😦

  67. RC78 says:

    Yarmolenko, Sterling
    Meertens, Nani, Lavezzi, Gaitan
    Downing, El Sharawwy,

  68. chas says:

    Downing. Hehehe.

  69. chas says:

    Shame “wn” words aren’t still banned. 🙂

  70. Gööner In Exile says:

    Morning all

    A Left Winger? And we thought finding a top centre forward as good as Aguero and Suarez was hard enough and now Micky wants us to find a left winger……rarer than rocking horse shit is a phrase that comes to mind.

    Although I seem to remember LB had a theory about Welly being introduced to left wing once Giroud and Theo were fit?

  71. Gööner In Exile says:

    Shaun Wright-Phillips is out of contract, small, pacy……!

  72. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    A sad day in the Raddy household, our favourite player has been released.

    Farewell and Adieu Abou, your smiling face will be missed (not on the pitch as you were never there)

  73. mickydidit89 says:

    Apart from the Wright-Phillips suggestion, that comment was going reasonably well until you got to the word “cheap” 😦

  74. Gööner In Exile says:

    Another gone missing in the release is Ryo Miyaichi…..which puts paid to Mr DidIts theory on hunting for a left winger 😀

  75. X says:

    Right — as I have fixed your access to AA I want your £10 charge for making it happen — so each of you should sent your cheque to Terry as it is my rent charge for sharing his pigeon coop with him and his favourite pidgin. [Yeah, I know, but it is how he spells it.] 🙂

    Thank you!

  76. Shard says:


    What do we think of Wellington Silva?

  77. Eddie says:

    Wellington Silva? I think he gets his hair cut at Ian’s and worst than that – he scored 0 goals in 30+ appearances last season.

  78. Eddie says:

    more and more rumours about Gonzo joining the Mighty this summer

  79. RC78 says:

    Chas -> For Downing, I put him down the list but he has quite a good engine and is always solid with assists and free-kick threats…Again, more of a back-up option than an A-lister

    Yarmolenko valued at 25 Mln EUR but only 1 year left and he said he wants to play in the EPL…Liverpool already approached him…A deal could be sealed at 15-18 Mln EUR. He is more of a risk esp. after the Arashavin debacle but he does have a wicked left foot

  80. RC78 says:

    I hope we do not spend 30 Mln on Gonzo 😦 I would rather spend half of that money on Dzeko if we were to buy another striker…

  81. Shard says:

    So Eddie.. Your response is ‘Tottenham’? 😀

    But I am not sure I agree with that. He’s the 6th most dribbly player in La Liga, while playing for a relegated side. I’ve watched him play a couple of times including against Barcelona and he definitely caused them problems on the counter, though had to spend most of the game playing as a wingback.

    Playing with better teammates, in a league with more space, his skill on the ball could definitely be useful. I would like to see him get a chance in the League Cup.

  82. RC78 says:

    In this day and age, you need those players that can create and score – not only the poachers or good with cross delivery…The profile has changed so you want players like Messi, Ronaldo, Bale, Suarez, Neymar, Robben, Ribery, Hazard that can score and create…

  83. Eddie says:

    shard – I wouldn’t. He is good, but not brilliant. We need brilliance, too many average players sitting on the bench for a couple of seasons before being moved elsewhere and hardly any of them proving Wenger wrong. All flops

  84. Eddie says:

    Raddy – is Mrs Raddy upset about Diaby?

  85. kelsey says:

    Morning all and Ian

    The trouble is that at least 4 or 5 clubs in the EPL alone need to strengthen by buying real quality to be able to challenge Chelsea, and how many of these players in different positions are available ?

    Cech to us or Spurs and Loris to United and de gea to Madrid. My bet is that we lose out on that as we are more of a threat than Spurs to Chelsea.

    if I am wrong and we get Cech who does AW release.he can’t keep our two keepers and Cech happy and it isn’t practical, is it. ?

  86. kelsey says:

    I would release Flamini,Arteta,Rosicky (purely as he gets about 5 minutes a month) send Chambers out on loan and Sanogo to Hendon.

  87. Shard says:


    That is the nature of bringing through young players while playing at a high level. Doesn’t mean you give up on young players before they get a chance. Especially if they show some promise.

    Wellington has skill. Whether his overall performance is where we need it to be or whether he can improve to that point, is not known. But I would like him to get a chance.

    That doesn’t mean you don’t buy a brilliant player. But who is that, and how likely are we to get him? If Wellington takes away a squad space not leaving room for this new brilliant player we’re going to sign, then sure, sell him. But if not, why not also give him a chance?

  88. kelsey says:

    I am an optimist, but I’m an optimist who carries a raincoat.

  89. kelsey says:


    I have been watching a programme on BBC called Hotel India, about the oldest and finest hotel in Mumbai or is Bombay.

    It was built in 1904 and everyone employed there speaks impeccable English. Very fascinating insight and reminds me of The Savoy Hotel in the fifties.

    I have always wanted to travel to India but never made it.

  90. Eddie says:

    Kels – I would prefer Lloris over Cech

    Shard – I have carefully considered entering into an argument with you, knowing that in all likelihood you will win, but I am sticking to my guns – Wellington is not good enough for us and we should off-load him now. We are in a competitive business not a charity

  91. Eddie says:

    it almost cost me my job refusing to travel to India

  92. kelsey says:


    If we wanted Lloris, levy would double the price. We need an old head just for a couple of years. Cech is only just 33 and according to John Cross at The Mirror (who is usually one of the better journalists who has contacts at Arsenal) Cech is a definite possibility and Rosicky is off to Turkey.

  93. Eddie says:

    Kels – true, Levy is a front bottom, but so is Maureen

  94. Shard says:


    There is no winning or losing. We just disagree on this. In all likelihood, Wellington won’t have a career with us. But I think he deserves a chance.

    Why did you refuse to travel to India? When?

    You should travel to India, but India is huge and with many different cultures. In fact, I still want to travel in India. Maybe we could go travelling together and rival the Ant n Duck show 🙂

  95. Shard says:

    Speaking of travelling, it seems likely I will be in the UK in August. Most of you will now decide to book your summer holidays for then, but it would be a pleasure to meet any AAer. Unless it’s Terry at Hampstead Heath.

  96. Eddie says:

    I will meet up with you shard. I am away in July and September only

    “There is no winning or losing”, but you must have the last word 🙂 🙂

    Re India – I am a feminist, hate caste system and are sort of ‘allergic’ to the smell of curry in the morning.

  97. Eddie says:

    shard – I am a silver member now, so if you like I could try to get you a ticket for an early season game

  98. Gööner In Exile says:

    Haha Shard, do you think you may be around Community Shield weekend? I’m thinking that’d be a good date to meet and have a drink or two near the Emirates.

    Speaking of travelling I’m off to Peterborough, and I have the pleasure of visiting a Villa supporting client, needless to say my desktop picture is the lads on the pitch at Wembley with fireworks and ticker tape.

    I really hope he went.

    This client rarely texts me about football, the one time he did was the 3-0 home defeat at start of last season, he text something like “I quite enjoyed that”. I haven’t once text the day of our victories over them, so today will be sweet, the fact that I am waiting til 12 days after is all the sweeter.

  99. Shard says:

    Ooohhh.. Eddie.. I would love that…..and love you almost as much 🙂

    Aah, but as regards India, don’t believe everything you hear/read about it. It’s true enough, but exaggerated.

    And why would there be a smell of curry in the morning? It could just as easily be fried eggs and bacon 🙂

  100. Shard says:


    It’s unlikely that I’ll be there as early as that. When my plans are final, I will let you know. It would be great to meet up.

    I had to do some thinking when you said 12 days. It feels like much longer than that to me. For 4 or 5 days I was in bliss and it all felt so fresh. Now it seems I am looking forward to next season more than basking in the glow of the FA Cup. But then I don’t have a Villa fan to lord it over. Enjoy 🙂

  101. Eddie says:

    I don’t like bacon either 🙂 ask Rasp for my number when you are in London

  102. Big Raddy says:

    Wellington Silva? Looks a poor man’s Oxlade-Chamberlain without the defensive ability or the shot.

    Can’t see us buying a GK unless, as kelsey says, we buy Cech whilst TPIG grows up.

  103. mickydidit89 says:

    As a club we need to be a little firmer . Eddie says Wellington scored zero, zip, zilch in thirty games
    Jeepers that is awful and he should never be allowed within a five mile radius of the ems
    To be brutally honest he brings shame on the club

  104. The Cockie Monster says:

    Mourinho has been banned from driving for 6 months after being caught doing 60mph in a 50mph zone !………mind you, it takes some pretty nifty skill to parallel park a bus doing 60mph into a 24 foot gap without killing Cech, Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry, and Azpilicueta !……Kudos !.

  105. RC78 says:

    – I am all for selling Ospina or PiG to replace them with CECH or HANDANOVIC. Casillas or Lloris are not worth it…

    – Wellington – forget it…

  106. Eddie says:

    OMG!!!!! Eddie wins an argument with Shard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  107. Big Raddy says:

    We seem to be far more circumspect in buying lads from S. America etc to fit into the youth setup and beyond. Gone are the days of sending chaps to Spain so they can get a UK visa.

    Instead we sign fellows like Bielik and some Greek and French chaps who already have EU passports

  108. Shard says:


    Give me Arsenal match tickets and you can win arguments against me all the time 🙂

  109. Eddie says:

    shard – done!

  110. Eddie says:

    I don’t like the collar

  111. chas says:

    India is probably my favourite place out of the places I’ve been to, though I’ve only been to touristy Goa and Kerala.
    I’d definitely recommend it to anyone if they ever get the chance to go.
    Sri Lanka is a close second.

  112. mickydidit89 says:

    What’s that Eddie, a crop top?
    Looks like an oriental rip off to me as it’s not long enough surely

  113. Shard says:

    Some suggestion that Mario Gotze might be available this summer. Would that be more acceptable than Wellington? 🙂

    Apart from his obvious skills, his experience of playing in a pressing system at both Dortmund and Bayern though both were different pressing styles. (and that might be the reason Guardiola is open to selling him?) would be another factor in his favour.

    Won’t be cheap though. Despite having only 2 years left on his contract.

    Btw. Did Real destroy Ozil’s goalscoring, while boosting his passing skillz? Playing ‘lets find Cristiano’ ball will do that to you. I had no idea he was capable of these sorts of goals. He seems like he wants to shoot. Weird.

  114. chas says:

    Very interesting, Shard.

    I just had a look and his goalscoring stats for us are slightly better than his scoring for Bremen, 9 in 42 as opposed to 13 in 71.

    He looks a bit as though he was playing left winger for Bremen. 🙂

    This one is possibly my favourite goal he has scored for us.

  115. Big Raddy says:

    Great find Shard.

    I had no idea the man could finish with such aplomb. Would love to hear Ozil explain why he doesn’t shoot any more

  116. Big Raddy says:

    chas. I agree

  117. Shard says:

    I think that was his first goal for us.

  118. kelsey says:


    the correct term is mandarin collar 😉

  119. kelsey says:

    Shard, interesting point about Ozil.

    Take a look at Rosicky at th Euros and before we bought him. Atotally different player always scoring or shooting.

    I often think that AW buys a player for his particular strength and then adapts him into a position he doesn’t feel comfortable in, and therefore we don’t see the best of that player. Usually in attack.

  120. X says:

    Kelsey is back; Kelsey is back — unwell one minute – chatty as ever the next! ! 🙂

  121. For me a haircut is the cost of a razor…….. and a few cuts and blood, but cheaper then going to the barber or hairdresser (in Mickies case) and Kelsey for the blow dry 🙂

  122. I’m at my ex-wifes house (my house really) so have internet network thingy me jig.. whoop 🙂

  123. Shard says:


    For every example like Rosicky (and injury might have something to do with his case) there are examples like Henry, RVP, even Lauren and Kolo Toure.

    The way I see it, Wenger is very rarely ‘wrong’ about a players’ capabilities to perform the role asked of them. Sometimes players just don’t perform. That would be true regardless of position.

    Besides, I’ve mentioned the basketball example before of why our focus should be less on what the player does in that position and rather on what it means to the team to have the player there. Basketball is more stats oriented, but the principle is the same. Often, a player has to register a drop in production and accept a different role, to be part of a winning team.

  124. kelsey says:

    Somehow I knew that I shouldn’t have made that comment, Shard 😉

  125. Shard says:

    On Ozil’s clip. It was number 5 and number 2 in that list that really surprised me. I could still see him attempting/scoring the other goals, but for him to shoot from that position (left side of goal, corner of the penalty box) is so strange.

    My guess would be that though those goals are great, he wasn’t very efficient at scoring them. Analysing that and combined with there being no need to add to the scoring at Real, he adapted his game too far. I think he needs to mix it up a little more and have the occasional shot like that for us. If I’m honest, I see signs of improvement, but it’s still all to do.

  126. Shard says:

    Somehow I knew that you knew…and didn’t want to disappoint 🙂

  127. Shard says:

    Come to India, kelsey. We’re almost guaranteed to have a dedicated audience for our travelogue 🙂

  128. and a decent curry……..

  129. kelsey says:


    if only you knew young man 🙂

  130. Chas.. we need smut and porn, it’s the transfer period… tits and jack and danny needed Chas ?

  131. kelsey says:


    I need to converse.Has your ex got a land line.

  132. She has Kels… in fact I’ll give you a quick ring… wait for it, a couple of minutes…….

  133. Lovely jubbly kels… nice talking with ya!

  134. kelsey says:

    same here, mate

  135. kelsey says:

    Now I know you have a little hampton. Wonders will never cease. 🙂

  136. It’s a lovely 28 degrees here at 20h 50……. why would I want to go back to England… but I do… I miss certain things in England that I don’t have here, the weather is great but not everything.

  137. yes Kels… quite appropriare that I may move to Little Hampton 🙂

  138. Eddie says:

    do you have a wheelchair nb? everybody in Littlehampton has one

  139. Big Raddy says:

    Little hampton is Zimmer country isn’t it?

    Should fit an ageing lothario 🙂

  140. Stop now Eddie……. stop right now…. I don’t need a wheelchair ok 🙂

  141. and you Raddy…. LittleHampton has a lively ASrts community… loads of elderly women doing watercolours… parfait pour moi ?

  142. I’ll be closer to The Home of Football…

  143. Where’s Micky, chas and Cockie when I need them… all live in zimmer frame country…

  144. kelsey says:


    is a closet Bournemouth supporter 😉

  145. Oh no Kels… if I move with my Little Hampton then Southampton would surely be my closest team… or Brighton?

  146. I’ll be on here tomorrow for the early morning banter with Arnie and everyone else, need to make the most of having a decent internet connection… see you Ladies tomorrow

  147. kelsey says:


    but I was looking at EPL standards if of course Bournemouth survive, which would be good for football.

    Their trouble is that they have an aging population and Paul Botox Gascoigne 🙂

  148. LB says:


    Just the man, do you know anyone who has a place to rent for a week in August for me the Mrs and two grown up children, preferably near a town?

  149. The Cockie Monster says:

    Fact !……Little Hampton has the only known league for Zimmer Frame Football !….known as the Z League !. They have a player who is the equivalent to Messi…….Zimmerdene Zimdane !……true !

  150. chas says:

  151. chas says:

  152. The Cockie Monster says:

    According to Sky Sports News………….Mansour City have had a bid of £25M plus £5M add on`s for Sterling rejected by The Bin Dippers !. Seems to me that FFP must be working as previously Mansour City would have just paid the £50M what the Scousers have valued him at !.
    This brings me to me putting my cards on the table !………I`d love a forward line of Alexis, Walcott and Sterling !… would be similar to the Suarez, Sturridge, Sterling forward line which did so much damage the previous season …… interchanging skill and pace front 3 to terrorize the EPL !…….Wengers money raised bed is higher than it`s ever been ( well over a £100M to spend on players, I`m sure Kelsey will verify this ! 😀 ) so we can easily pay the £50M…….fcuk £50M !……lets pay even more just to keep Micky happy !. hahaha

  153. chas says:

  154. chas says:

  155. chas says:

  156. mickydidit89 says:

    Ha ha ha Chas @ 5:59

    One word for him and simply not poss on here

  157. X says:

    Morning Mr Micky and Chas. 🙂

  158. mickydidit89 says:

    An older version of the bloke I met
    Went to India to “find himself” and came back with some fucking gongs

  159. mickydidit89 says:

    Morning RA and NB too
    Chas gon salon I reckon.

  160. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Wow! A video of Stumpy Steve, a true artist of the Double Gong. Currently, in a psychiatric prison near Exeter

  161. X says:

    Has he gone with NB then Micky? Me no see Norther. 🙂

  162. Big Raddy says:

    As you say, Chas is currently having a “mow and blow” in some poncy Midlands salon

  163. X says:

    So a quick look at the rumours assures me that we are 90% certain to sign Gonzo and the £25m transfer of Martinez is a done deal.

    We will be stacking CFs in a big pile at this rate.

    Except Manure/AC Milan/et cetera are all looking to hijack our deals!

    How can anyone think this is all bollix ai do not know.

  164. chas says:

    Hey, I’ve been swimming for the fourth day on the bounce. No poncing about for me.

  165. X says:

    There is nothing poncy about going swimming every day in pursuit of the body beautiful, Chas.

  166. X says:

    Yeah. Even Mr Micky does not believe that! 🙂

    Raddy would go too tho’, but he has to be careful not to upset his hairstyle with that naughty chlorine in the water.

  167. Eddie says:

    so Diaby was simply released, not sold. Nobody will have him, his career is over. Sad

    Joel Campbell has reportedly agreed to transfer away from Arsenal this summer and join Fenerbahce

  168. Eddie says:

    more gong

    I don’t believe they caused the earthquake, but can anybody tell me WHY did they do that???

  169. Big Raddy says:

    Brilliant vid at 9.23

    Thanks chas

  170. LB says:

    Chas’ 9.23 really is a good way to start the morning.

  171. mickydidit89 says:

    Indeed LB. Just watched the Chas Cup Final vid. Superb

    Thanks Chas

  172. Big Raddy says:

    I will be happy with Kondogbia. At just 22 he is a typical AW signing.


    Nice Micky

    I was a left winger. My dear old mum barred me from heading the ball “Terry, you geter de brain damage ander end up spendings rest of de life at childrens animal farms admiring de Turkeys liker your cousin Neophytos”, so I couldnt be a centre back.

    I used to cut in on my right were I would spray passes like a pissed up Alan Hudson and unleash shots like a roughed up Alan Shearer from a parallel universe.

    In other words, I was crap.

    I think Welbeck could be an option. He has all the attributes, pace, power, work rate. The only thing missing is the finish. Hopefully the coaching staff can help him develop it.


    The FA have charged us for signing Calum Chambers?

    If the bastards try and deduct us points, just like 91 we will win the league anyway.

    If they attempt to impose a transfer embargo, it will make Stan and Ivan very happy, and nothings more important than Stan and Ivans happiness, so we cant lose.


    Thanks Guru, great read.

    So Sanchez is a lot like me.

    Back in my home town in Crete, I would play barefooted to. But unlike him dodging rocks, I would tread on them and yell for the assistance of a Greek Orthodox priest

    I also grew up without a father. He was always in the betting shop or buying me jelly babys. So like Sanchez, to make ends meet I too worked in a car park. Not looking after cars, nicking them. Yes, my fourteen brothers and sisters grew up giving blessings to the lack of security on the Ford Cortina.

    Great guy Sanchez

  176. Eddie says:

    oh dear, this is not good

    Arsenal have been charged with allegedly breaching football agents regulations over the transfer of Calum Chambers from Southampton.

  177. chas says:

    That article is brilliant, Shard, ta.

    There seem to be parallels with all three of our holy trinity, with Santi on his concrete playground, Mesut in his cage and Alexis skipping over rocks.
    Contrast that with 8 year olds not even allowed to play for their schools in this country.

  178. chas says:

    Don’t worry, Eddie.
    The worst that can happen is that we aren’t allowed to buy anyone this summer. Just imagine how peaceful it would be! 🙂

  179. GoonerB says:


  180. GoonerB says:

    Bloody hell I’m in again. Only a week of banishment then

  181. GunnerN5 says:

    chas, a rumor-less summer – how wonderful that would be!

  182. GoonerB says:

    Ooops. better not use any swear words, even mild ones, in case I am banned again, what I meant was Golly Gosh I am reinstated, the last week has been a trifle inconvenient.

  183. GoonerB says:

    Been storing up all I want to say on all the weeks posts. Whose up for a GoonerB epic at some point later? 🙂 Any insomniacs out there need some help getting off to the land of nod, try a GoonerB epic.

  184. Eddie says:

    GB – we are all in the clear now 🙂 A filter with ‘wn’ was applied by mistake.

    Chas – are you mad?? the worst being all summer with no rumours? You know that DidIt is the King of the Blog who loves gossips. If he was to resign the blog would die, and what would either of us do? I hate swimming

    What have we done wrong in signing Calum?

  185. chas says:

    Sir Micky of DidItalot wouldn’t ever resign, he’d just become more creative about who we were going to buy in January.

    No idea what the breach of rules is. Not really interested, truth be known.

  186. chas says:

    Probably refused to bung the agent a brown envelope.

    If Jack can be charged, then anything is possible.

  187. chas says:

    I’m definitely up for a epic post from you.
    There’s nowt on telly this evening. :0

  188. chas says:

    I’d somehow forgotten about this goal

  189. Shard says:


    The complaint apparently came from a third party. In addition to Arsenal, the agent Alan Middleton, has also been charged.

    I’ve been looking at the FA rules, and it seems that if both Arsenal and the agent are being charged for breaching the same rule, it might be to do with this.

    “A2. A Player or Club must not use or pay any person for Intermediary Activity unless that person is registered as an Intermediary and is
    entitled to act under a valid Representation Contract. An Intermediary must not carry out any Intermediary Activity in the place of, or on behalf of, or as agent or representative of, any person other than the Player and/or the Club he is engaged to act for (unless in
    accordance with Regulation B6).”

    B6 Where an Intermediary assigns or subcontracts any Intermediary Activity duties or services or responsibilities in relation to a Player or
    a Club to another Intermediary, the Intermediary must:
    (a) lodge a copy of the Representation Contract between the assigning or subcontracting Intermediary and the Player or Club in
    accordance with Regulation B3;
    (b) record the terms upon which those obligations are assigned or subcontracted and incorporate the written consent of the
    Player or Club in a single document; and
    (c) complete and lodge such document in the same way as for a Representation Contract under Regulation B3

    B3 All parties to a Representation Contract must ensure that copies of any and all Representation Contracts to which they are a party are
    lodged with The Association in any manner as may be prescribed from time to time. Representation Contracts must be lodged within
    10 days of being executed and in any event no later than at the time of the registration of a Transaction by The Association.


    It could be this

    6 An Intermediary, Club and Player must ensure that all relevant contracts and documents contain the name, signature and registration
    number of each and every Intermediary carrying out any Intermediary Activity in relation to a Transaction (whether directly or
    indirectly), as well as any other information as may be required by The Association from time to time. If a Player or Club has not used
    the services of an Intermediary at any time in a Transaction, this fact must be stated in all relevant documents in respect of such

    All of which is to say that someone feels cut off from sharing a piece of the pie. Most likely this fellow is an authorised agent, so A2 won’t apply.

    But it could be that someone was(or believes he was) subcontracted, and their name was not included in the final registration of the transaction.

  190. kelsey says:

    Shard to the rescue once again 😉

  191. Shard says:

    Here comes Tweedle-DUMB to my tweedledee 🙂 😛

  192. Big Raddy says:

    Shard 😀

    Can you explain what that rule means?

  193. Eddie says:

    Shard – were you really reading those rules? you is nerd

  194. Big Raddy says:

    GB. I assume you are still writing – make it a post and send it in to Nuts.

    We need posts to get us through the summer months, and I am away for the whole of July ++ so there will be no Rubbish from Raddy for a while.

  195. kelsey says:

    you is a nerd, eddie not you is nerd 😉

  196. Shard says:


    I like to read 🙂

    I don’t always retain (or understand) what I read, but always good to get a sense of what the FA/PGMO/FIFA etc are up to.

  197. Shard says:


    Are hippies unable to read legalese? Strange. They sound like they go together nicely in a rhyme. Or the name of a protest group.

    The Legalese Potsmoking Hippies.

    Not to be confused with the Legalise Potbellied Hippoes.

    If that doesn’t make sense it’s because hippies can’t read..Allegedly

  198. Shard says:

    It is possible I’m going slightly mad.

  199. Eddie says:

    thank you Kelsey, I noticed too late. Since I reassembled the keyboard some of the keys are sticky

    Shard – keep on reading! It’s an honour to know someone as knowledgeable as you. And very useful 🙂


    I know what your saying Shard.

    Basicaly some geezer who drove Chambers to Mcdonalds and then the train station agreed a ton with the agent and the creepy tight fisted bastard tried to make out it was only £50.

    He went round the agents gaff for the sheckles but was met by one of the agents cronies, a big fat steroid taking bloke who has problems connecting to his emotions.

    Mr “Whats a f*ucking feeling” gave him a right kicking and then asked him out for a drink.

    So now the FA, instead of addressing the creepy nature of agents and tackling the problem of emotionaly retarded men weighing more than 18 stone, are trying to do us for it

  201. Eddie says:

    Shard – read Terry above and rest assured you are not even slightly mad by comparison

  202. I’m a bit late to the party… but better late than never.

    Shard, we all go mad eventually… it’s inevitable!

    Have we bought a left winger yet?

  203. Hello Yvonne, micky, Kels, Red Arnie, Peaches, Chas, XXX and everyone

  204. Big Raddy says:

    NB. I am reduced to “everyone”. I know my place.

    Shard. The time I spent in ashrams in India has resulted in an inner calm I cannot describe or share. I don’t need or use drugs (any more 🙂 )

  205. Eddie says:

    hi nb

    calm down Raddy, you are special 🙂

    Is there any point in watching the qualifiers? Poland v Georgia tomorrow, should be…boring and predictable. Eire v Scotland could be exciting though

  206. chas says:

  207. chas says:

  208. chas says:


  209. chas says:

  210. kelsey says:

    I love a good conspiracy programme and the one on Hitler just now was amazing. He and Eva braun as you know were never found and Borman used doubles on 30/4/45 and had them shot burnt and buried yet never found.
    The Nazis built a town by 1938 under the South Pole as part of World Domination for 60000 people to live in.

    So if he hadn’t turned right instead of left we would be playing at the Emirates in Antartica.

  211. chas says:

  212. Shard says:


    Nobody’s as mad as Terry. But that’s not very reassuring to me. I don’t have the benefit of being funny like he is.

  213. Shard says:


    What ashrams did you go to? Were any of them at Rishikesh? Were you pals with the Beatles? 😛

  214. Eddie says:

    shard – Raddy wrote the ‘Yellow Submarine’ 🙂 good night x

  215. Shard says:


    Many years ago I had come across that theory. I genuinely couldn’t believe what I was reading. It makes for fascinating reading. The human capacity for imagination and delusion 🙂

    If you like conspiracy theories (I don’t like that term normally, but sometimes it just fits) check out this site. This is where I first saw it. It has many such theories, along with some history too (which is how I got there)

  216. Shard says:

    Goodnight.. It’s late in my part of the world, so I should probably be getting some sleep too.

  217. Transplant 🙂 Mr “Whats a f*ucking feeling” gave him a right kicking and then asked him out for a drink.”

    Feckin classic

    Good night Shard, sweet dreams

  218. chas says:

  219. chas says:

  220. chas says:

  221. chas says:

  222. chas says:

    Arsene Wenger: “You’re responsible for the happiness of so many people”

  223. mickydidit89 says:


    Not at all sure about this month+ holiday at all.

    Yes, we think you are lazy, and yes, we think you believe in outdated leftie claptrap, and of course yes we think your leanings towards some kind of spiritual mysticism shows you to be weak, but…… the site will die I tell ya

  224. chas says:

    Bye Bye Arsenal Arsenal

  225. mickydidit89 says:

    Ah morning Gorgeous

    Thing is, I suspect if it closed down, one or two of us would get together, start another, and it would be exactly the same, just without posts and shit 🙂

  226. mickydidit89 says:

    I can imaging one or two similar Ads appearing soon:

    “Sad and lonely middle aged chap seeks companionship.
    Likes: Cats, abusing other bloggers, Arsenal and Smut
    Dislikes: The French, Buddhists and shit like that”

  227. Gööner In Exile says:

    Morning all, maybe Chas is just going Back to the USSR.

    God I’ve had a week from hell, have we signed anyone yet?

  228. Eddie says:

    Sir Frank Lampard! FFS, disgusting

    GiE -no
    micky – I am waiting for the ad to go up 🙂

  229. Eddie says:

    in an absence of football – there is a discussion going on the BBC if the white American woman claiming to be black has a case. She lived and married into black community, fought their case, was racially abused, had dreadlocks, etc so perhaps she is black? I am going to be sick, what is this world coming to? I live with dogs, fight their case, was abused because of them – does that make me a dog? A bitch perhaps 🙂

  230. Eddie says:

    Iceland beat Czech Republic, hm

  231. Rasp says:

    New post …….

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