Barry Ferguson: League Cup Winner and Squalid Human Being

March 1, 2011

Congratulations to Birmingham on winning the Carling Cup final. You weren’t dirty, you played the best game you could and you got the breaks.

As an Arsenal fan I’m not going to stand here and say you didn’t deserve it, because any team that wins a cup final deserves it, however the thing pans out.

And for the most part, from manager down to backroom staff, you were gracious winners. But not all of you. Which brings me to Barry Ferguson.

If there is karma in this world (and I firmly believe there is) then Barry has got it coming to him big time. And you know what? I suspect Birmingham City will suffer along with Bazza.

When Laurent Koscielny made a horrible, suicidal mistake in the 89th minute of Sunday’s final, leaving Obafemi Martins with a tap-in for the winner, most Birmingham players had nothing in their minds but joy at having scored the likely winner.

Not so Barry Ferguson. His first thought was not to be with his cohorts, it was not to celebrate an imminent trophy win. His first thought was to abuse a distraught fellow professional.

As he ran past a stricken Koscielny he smashed his hand down on our defender’s head in a gesture that was cowardly and unmanly. I remember at the time – in the stadium – thinking how appalling that gesture was. Then when I saw it on TV I was even more angry about it.

Pat-gate: Ferguson is attracting the ire of Arsenal fans, and now players, for patting Koscielny on the head (Reuters)

And here’s where karma comes in.

I hereby call on all the Gods. I call on Jehovah, Allah and Bhagwaan. I call on Yahweh, Satnam, Buddha and Odin. I call on Zeus, Elohim and Tenrikyo: give back unto Barry Ferguson the misfortune he gave out to Laurent Koscielny, but give it back three times three times.

That is my curse on Barry Ferguson.

And here’s how it will come to pass: when Birmingham are fighting for Premier League survival in the final game of the season, it will be Ferguson’s mistake that will cost them the points they need for survival. It may be an own goal, it may be a misplaced back pass or just a piece of really crap play that leads to an opposition goal, but karma is heading for Barry Ferguson and it’s driving an Eddie Stobart 18-wheeler with no hydraulics left in the brakes.

And after Bazza’s moment of pain, an opposition player will run past and ruffle his hair. They won’t do a full-on aggressive slap on the head, because not many professionals are sufficiently cnutish to do that (Bazza excepted). But the point will be made.

Do you think I’m going over the top? Am I starting to make you feel sorry for little Bazza? Well fight that urge.

Remember, this is the former Glasgow Rangers scumbag who was not averse to getting into bar brawls after Old Firm derbies.

He is the Scotland international who was stripped of his international captaincy and his place in the national squad after making obscene gestures from the stands during Scotland’s easy win over little Iceland.

Just look at the gesture.

It’s something you’d expect your 13-year-old son to do, not a 31-year-old captain of a national team, as Ferguson was at the time.

But Scotland were easily beating Iceland at that moment, so it was perfect territory for the small town bully. Just like running past a heartbroken player in the last minute of a cup final, and smacking him as hard as you can over the head.

Barry Ferguson, you pusillanimous, spleeny, milk-livered idiot. You pribbling, crook-pated dewberry, you qualling dizzy-eyed joithead: your doom awaits you.

Soon may it come.