Arsenal’s dastardly conspiracy ……….Bobby Pires impersonates Mesut Ozil

Fact is, I’m almost too angry to pen this, and my limited vocab. prevents me from being able to adequately describe my rage. So I’ll simply cc you in on a little note I felt obliged to scribble.

Dear Arsenal Marketing and Merchandising’

Didit here. Customer. I hope you are all well, and that you have been busy, although from where I’m sitting, it’s F**KING IMPOSSIBLE TO DETECT HOW THAT CAN BE THE CASE.

Thing is, a couple of weeks ago I decided to buy a birthday present for someone. Someone was a fan of football, and a German someone. Simple, I’ll visit the Arsenal online store and buy him a beautifully crafted Mesut Ozil figurine.  Let’s face it, I knew you’d stock a Mesut, rather than just three injury prone crocks. Obviously, I mean basic business practice. Also, I thought to myself, no Chinese slave camp worth its salt is going to make just three injury prone crocks when the big pennies lie with our international superstars.

WRONG. Jack, Mikel and The Ox. That’s it!!! I mean seriously, ARE YOU ‘UCKING KIDDING ME ARSENAL MARKETING AND MERCHANDISING?!?!?!?

UP YOURS. Off to Amazon I went, leaving a stream of fury in my wake, and yip, there was the little fellow at the first click. Basket. Check Out. Job done.


Or so I thought. THREE ‘ weeks later`. Then I opened the little package. DO YOU THINK I WAS BORN YESTERDAY? THAT’S NOT MESUT, THAT’S BOBBY PIRES. Loved the bloke, but not Mesut is he? What’s with the hair? Where are the eyes? Those black studs in the ears? NOTHING. ITS NOT MESUT IS IT, ADMIT IT. What’s with the Alice band!!! Mesut manned up and dropped the Continental look years ago. B**TARDS.

Sure you can buy an Arsene in zipper coat with a wobbling head for a very reasonable £12 exc. p&p, whereas little Mikel, Jack and Ox come in at bargain basement level £4 exc. p&p, but where are the superstars. Mesut, Alexis and, errr… oh yes, that’s it, we’ve only got two and you pathetic lot can’t be arsed to stock either you complete cretins. I mean, WHAT’S THE ******* POINT IN YOU?

Look, two thirds of your shops are filled with clothes. Fine. You’ve subbed that bit out to Puma. That leaves you with one corner to flog mugs and shit. Here’s an idea, taking a lot of money is a very good idea, and in fact, the only point in employing you in the first place.

I seriously hope the club are not paying you bunch of cretins a Living Wage,  because you’re going to have to shift a s*it load of little Mikels every week to keep the lot of you steaming turds in tight clothes.

OH, hang on, maybe I’m being unfair and you have been clever. Yes, that’s your plan, lure them in with the cheap Mikels, then extract thousands for the high end stuff.

YEAH RIGHT. Watches. We all know how much utter knobbuckets like to flaunt their wealth with hideous wrist furniture. Well here’s a clue. You do three watches. Pounds sterling in ascending order 40, 2350 and 4250. Guess which one has sold out PEABRAINS? No wrong, it’s the expensive one. See, people don’t want your cheap crap.

You’ve never worked in the real world have you? You know, had to earn a living. What did you study at College? PE? Prats.

Don’t reply. Not listening.


108 Responses to Arsenal’s dastardly conspiracy ……….Bobby Pires impersonates Mesut Ozil

  1. That’s hilarious Micky, cheered me up on a wet Friday morning. Thank you.

  2. Eddie says:

    When you start to feel tense and angry, try to isolate yourself for 15 minutes and concentrate on relaxing and calm, steady breathing:

    Inhale and exhale deeply 3 or 4 times in a row.
    Count slowly to four as you inhale.
    Count slowly to eight as you exhale.
    Focus on feeling the air move in and out of your lungs.
    Concentrate and feel your ribs slowly rise and fall as you repeat the exercise.

    Stop and revert to normal breathing if you start to feel dizzy at any time.

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 you nutter :):) 🙂 🙂

  3. Eddie says:

    you steaming turds in tight clothes – that is soooo gross

    one observation Micky – watches. I happen to know that footballers love expensive watches, but 4k is not expensive. £40k is more like it, but 100k pretty normal for Audermars or Mille.

  4. Eddie says:

    Dogs investigating a horrible smell

    ooops, it’s a Tottenham ball 🙂

  5. PV4 says:

    Aha – but just imagine trying to find a superstar on the spud site. Buy one Citizen Kane and get 54 years’ worth of novelties, trinkets and sepia snaps of a 1-1 draw with Burnley – or some sort of shite.

  6. mickydidit89 says:

    Brilliant pic, thanks.

  7. Ethel says:

    So Didit’s post was rejected by newsnow. Quite right too. Awful language, dreadful man.
    If Arsenal FC come after him to claim damages, then I’ve never seen him in my life.
    I’m a sweet half dotty 90 yr old bat, so leave me alone

  8. Eddie says:

    no????? Newsnow rejected the post? brilliant!

  9. RA says:

    Funny thing about you being a sweet, half dotty 90 year old bat, Ethel — ‘cos so is Micky – and he uses your name when he goes out for the night. 😀

  10. GoonerB says:

    Brilliant Micky, although I think you went a little easy on them with the Bobozil (or is is a Mesires?) figurine.

    And can I say don’t you worry Ethel, that nasty Micky won’t be able to get anywhere near you. Terry Transplant will look after you, you will be safe with him….

    Speaking of Terry, hilarious comment earlier and also liked PV4’s above. Toodaloo for now.

  11. LB says:

    Top ranting Micky

    A club of our stature trying to palm you off with a Pires instead a Ozil, outrageous behavior,

  12. stevepalmer1 says:

    Nice one didit, I am a bit surprised you wanted a German for a German, God forbid they buy a German car to find out its been interfered with a bit like Bobby and Mesut, At least VW will reimburse some of its clients, aithough i doubt you will get any compensation for your Bobby Ozil trinket.

    Of course you could have brought him a nice Arsene coat, i notice that he wears it undone now, shame really when the Zip is an Arsenal icon.

    The OX and sick notes figures i guess has bandages on them, so not a good choice. Blinding Rant mate, i did leave a comment this morning but wordpress nicked my comment and gave me a clear screen, Blinding first Gooner on AA who has been outed that is quality.

  13. Hermann says:

    Vielen Dank, Herr Didit .
    Warum Sie mir eine Figur von Hey Bobby geschickt haben , wenn ich Deutsch und nicht Französisch, ist ein großes Geheimnis .
    Viele Grüße, ein Deutscher.

  14. chas says:

    Top ranting, Micky, if a little blue for my refined and inadequate tastes.

    I’d imagine if the Club transferred some of those 1000 employees who gawp at data graph bollocks all day over to the merchandising department, then travesties of justice such as a Pires figurine masking as Mesut just would not occur.

    A zipped up Arsene complete with wobbling head has just risen to the top of my xmas list.

  15. GoonerB says:

    Typical, I had something really important to say and along comes Herman and gets in their first with exactly what I was about to put up. That is advanced plagiarism Herman my friend and liable to land you in a spot of worming bother.

  16. Didit says:

    Dank you too Hermann
    Although I should point out that my hovercraft is certainly not full of eels 😎

  17. mickydidit89 says:

    Why can’t I be permenantly logged in only telephone anymore

  18. mickydidit89 says:

    Ah ha
    I’m back and mobile

  19. mickydidit89 says:

    Actually Chas, the graph bollocks gazers came very close to be today’s topic

  20. Eddie says:

    Actually Didit – why did you want to buy a little toy for your German friend? Wouldn’t he prefer a shiny gun or a toy tank, or at least a replica of a VW Golf?

  21. chas says:

    The graph bollocks gazers are a figment of your imagination.

  22. mickydiditagain says:


    Sie sind Deutsch, nichtwahr? Wenn du mich letzte nacht geküsst Ich dachte, du Bobby Pirez waren.

  23. Herman says:


    Yes, I am German und Ich lieber Bobby und Chas und GB.

  24. Big Raddy says:

    What to do when you discover that one of your musical heroes is a Spurs fan?


    I kill Raddy


    Not you of course Raddy. I mean Phil Collins


    Is it Phil Collins Raddy? If its not, it should be


    Of course this infers that Coliins is one of your heros Raddy. This conversation is really not going well, I aplogise

  29. Eddie says:

    micky – I know, I know!!
    1. Ozil toys would be too scary for kids and too flat chested for bigger boys
    2 Manufacturers have template toys and a new player’s figurine gets his nose and lips adjusted, hair colour changed and bingo. With Ozil they would have to put the eyes on the side of the head, too much hassle me thinks

  30. Eddie says:

    Adele is a big (I don’t mean fat) Spurs fan. Still a terrific singer

  31. RA says:

    Is it Chas and Dave, then Raddy — are they your secret passion? 🙂

  32. Big Raddy says:

    Nope. Not Collins, though it has to be said I was a big fan until Peter Gabriel left …..

    Not Chas or Dave either

  33. Big Raddy says:

    I doubt you have heard of him. Mark Hollis.

  34. LB says:

    Mark Hollis

    Listen to “Watershed” out standing.

    It is true that he is from Tottenham but there is hope that he may have the good taste to support a team not too far away.

    Or at least that is how I have dealt with the problem.

  35. LB says:


    Just noticed the time, gone 5 means it is red wine time back in a mo.

  36. LB says:

    Back with a glass and Watershed playing in the back ground.

    That’s the problem with this age group BR, there is always one smart arse out there.

  37. Big Raddy says:

    LB. 6 is my watershed which happily for us on CET it is now


  38. Big Raddy says:

    Nope. Just read that he is a Spurs fan and even writes on Spurs forums. Truly disappointing

  39. LB says:

    I used to bump into him all over Europe in the 80s, they were always on the same TV shows that I was involved with. I never spoke to Hollis but often spoke to other band members.

  40. Big Raddy says:

    LB. Hollis always had a reputation as an oddball, much like Thomas Dolby.

    EMI sacked him after Hollis sued them for releasing a greatest hits without his permission.

    Never the same after that and hasn’t made any music since the middle 90’s (as far as I know)

    Trying an Australian Point Noir – not much cop so far, perhaps it will improve after a couple of glasses

  41. LB says:


    You learn a lot from that sacking and sueing.

    Hollis was in an 80’s band but his key years (late teens early twenties) were molded in the mid to late 70’s and as such had a punk mindset. The idea of doing anything commercial was seen as selling out.

    This all made no sense to me, I was of the mind set: don’t fight the system — use it.

    I’m overlooking the canal as I write.

  42. RA says:

    You two do realise that I do not have a clue who or what you are speaking about? Hollis – Dolby – Watershed – What dat? 🙂

  43. Eddie says:

    Cloudy Bay Sauvignon was my poison, try it Raddy. But not before you write a PM for tomorrow

  44. Big Raddy says:

    LB. 😀

    RA. Dat our life

  45. RA says:


    If my question is too personal – just ignore it – but your comment about being involved with TV all over Europe is really intriguing! 🙂

    What did you do? Sing, dance, management or techie?

    A response of ‘mind your own business’ is OK, too. 😀

  46. Big Raddy says:

    Eddie. I have tried it and think it is wonderful but at €30+ a bottle (over here) it is unaffordable.

    However, we are drinking a fine NZ Marlboro Sauvignon Blanc this week.

    A few years ago we went to NZ South Island just to explore the wine regions following our enjoyment of Cloudy Bay

  47. RA says:

    Louis Hamilton has got his Arsenal mates playing 5 a side on channel 407 on Sky. Thierry wearing his Barca shirt — hiss — and he has just nobbled Louis.

  48. RA says:

    Merson, Carric, Thierry, Cudicini against Louis, Sol, Bobby (Micky’s mate) etc. Finished 5 : 5.

  49. LB says:


    I used to work in the music industry, I have been retired from for a long time now.

  50. LB says:

    I can’t believe how many people rave about Cloudy Bay.

    Listen people.

    The best white wine is red 🙂

  51. Eddie says:

    Raddy – it’s always been pricey, but delish

    RA – Henry has changed, he’s a proper tool

  52. LB says:

    At one point we had a really good wine connoisseur on here: Richie, unfortunately Rasp chased him off lol. I kept some of his comments though.

    1. richie says:
    July 1, 2012 at 2:28 pm
    This is a somewhat fasle premise! 1st Italy is the largest wine producer in the world and a very large amount of it isn’t anything to write home about! Think Lambrusco!
    Next up La Rioja isn’t Spains top wine region, it just produces the most, at least compare like for like. Most of Spains top wines come from the Ribera Del Duero region and they can hold their own with Barolo’s all day long. Although try Vina el Pison Artadi 2007 its about as good a Rioja as can be had. I think the only Italian wines that can come up to Ribero’s are “Brunello di Montalcino’s” Casanova di neri 2001 or Carpineto 2006 Although my all time Favourite Italian would have to be an 85 Guido Sassicaia a wine that ranks alongside many of the great Ribero’s and possibly one of my favourite Spanish wines Taberner 1 which amazingly is from Spains far south.

  53. LB says:

    Such a loss, think Rasp and Shard on a bad day.

  54. Big Raddy says:

    LB. How on earth did you remember Richie?

    Italian wines piss all over the Spanish but of course, it is all a matter of taste 🙂

  55. Eddie says:

    Why rasp chase off Richie?

  56. LB says:


    I save many a comment, I have gems from 26, I also save RA’s comments when he inadvertently gives us very useful tax advice.
    But Richie was something special; that man knew his wines.

  57. Rasp says:

    Richie was a tool 🙂 if I hadn’t dealt with him we would have lost a lot of decent bloggers 😕

  58. Rasp says:

    Actually 26m was a real loss, a brilliant blogger – it is arguable that he was driven off by others (not me)

  59. Big Raddy says:

    We need to compile a book of TMHT’s comments. The man has written so many gems over the years

    And there is Blue Valentine who was passionate about acoustic guitars and Man City. Hopefully he will join us later in the season

  60. LB says:

    I don’t think anyone drove 26 off, he just left of his own accord or at least that is how I like to remember it. The last comment I made to him was to ask if he wanted to go out for a cycle? He said no he was busy, and that was it, gone, seemingly forever.

    How do you stop wanting to talk about Arsenal? How does that work, I just don’t understand?

  61. LB says:

    TMHT’s comments are all individual works of art. They never cease to amaze me.

  62. Big Raddy says:

    Driven off is questionable. Some people just don’t have the time or motivation to biog.

    I miss 26 – he was the voice of reason as was the sad departed DanDan

  63. Big Raddy says:

    LB. Especially for us ex-pats who cannot go to the local and chat footie.

    I miss the banter but AA is a fine substitute

  64. Rasp says:

    I think 26m had reached a point where he was battling with what he wanted to believe and what he was starting to believe – if that’s not too deep for the post red wine watershed 🙂

  65. Rasp says:

    I liken TMHT’s comments to a cross between early Monty Python, Spike Milligan and Kenny Everett 😆

  66. Eddie says:

    I miss Irish and 26m most, such great personalities. Irish is busy on FB, but 26m is gone entirely. Oh, TA was a good blogger too

  67. Big Raddy says:

    Right. Cooking to be done. Just a chicken in thyme with salad for a light dinner

  68. RA says:

    We have lost a number of superb AAers, but I suspect that 26M and Rocky have had to put careers ahead of blogging time.

    I think 26M was back and forth to Russia in the previous year or two, from what he said, and was so intelligent and eloquent that career opportunities must have been a factor – not that I know.

    The others you have already mentioned are also goodies – and Irish was the first to welcome me to the site, as I made a blatant and unsuccessful attempt to flirt with her! 🙂

    And then there is CharyB – loved his Manyoo rants.

    Wish they were all back.

  69. RA says:


    Thanx for confiding that – I bet you can tell a tale or two of the music industry shenanigans. I used to ‘know’ some people in show business too, and still do, but strictly work.

    Because of my health matters I have not been able to partake of alcohol pretty much since I started on AA some years ago — so, shush with the brilliant wine stuff!! 👻 😀

  70. RA says:

    Anyway, have to go – bon nuit, mes amis. 🙂

  71. MickyDidIt89 says:

    What a civilized site this is

    “The best white wine is red” That wins by a landslide

    And 26 was a massive loss, I agree (dandan of course)

    Oh, and yes I’d but Transplants Book. Absolutely

  72. kelsey says:

    I am not really here either but 26 has personal reasons for not blogging,nothing to do with anyone or anything on AA. How do I know. Well he told me when I spoke to him a few times around Xmas time last year when I was about to sue a dentist.he is a really decent guy.

  73. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Got to be a smash and grab 1-0 to The Arsenal hasn’t it Crystals

    My problem is I want 3-0 by half time so I can watch rugger final at 4:00

  74. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Cat in a box

  75. Eddie says:

    Some ejeet stood there, watched poor animal struggling and continued recording it!! I don’t know……..

  76. MickyDidIt89 says:

    more more more 🙂

  77. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Just listening to Watershed as I type
    Wow, nice

    Downside, and this is where Erik comes in, I’m listening on youtube, and here be one of the comments below

    I play this Watershed often to relax people when I do a body and mind training I give! A very low metronome corresponding with a tranquille heart

    Knob Comment 🙂

  78. Eddie says:

    What is watershed?

    I cannot wait for the pool game, so exciting! Klopp looks like a nice guy; he could do with a trip to Ian’s Hair, but otherwise faultless

  79. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Song LB mentioned last evening

  80. Eddie says:

    Cheers, I checked on youtube – love songs and not very gorgeous men 🙂 nice sounds

    I like him

  81. LB says:

    Yah, cat vid

    1-0 sounds like a good call, I am very excited about today’s game.

    I think it is the 12 Pins for me.

    Is there anywhere else that always shows the games?

  82. RA says:

    Buongiorno amore mio. 🙂

    Abuse of kitten trapped in box has been reported to the Cat Discrimination League! 😈

  83. Eddie says:

    LB – Irish pub in East Finchley – Gertie’s 🙂

  84. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Work to do today , so a short PM, which I will start soon….. accompanied by Watershed

  85. MickyDidIt89 says:

    The advantage of Finsbury Park for you is you can get there in about 6 mins on that contraption of yours 🙂

  86. Big Raddy says:

    And there are two huge screens plus the Pins is chock-a-block with Gooners.

    You know it makes sense

  87. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Did you ever used to go to the George Robey down the road from Pins
    Used to have rubbish bands on BEFORE the 3pm sat KO’s
    This was in the 80’s

  88. stevepalmer1 says:

    Morning all,
    Reading peoples thoughts on past bloggers, and why they move on and seemingly stop blogging. People have lives to lead, Blogs take peoples time and can stop many from doing other things far more important than talking to absolute strangers. I have only been blogging for a few years, I find it relaxing and because i have a lot of feeling for a football club i have supported man and boy, i like to try and keep updated on their progress.

    Of course you always get characters, some are funny some Knowledgeable and some obnoxious. You get all types, but the ones who are the most important , but rarely spoken about is the Administrators, the life and sole of any blog.

    These people are the ones that make it possible for people that have an interest on the subject. Many bloggers myself included, expect to log in and find a post, and be able to converse with like minded Arsenal supporters, not realising that blogs such as this one has to be run every day. Many of these people have their own lives to run as well, many work but still manage to spare the time to prepare the blog for us.

    People come and people go some go like Dan Dan who had no say in the subject some leave because the have been insulted and some leave because they dont like the way their football club is run. Whatever the reasons are that bloggers leave is their business, they may come back in the future some may not. I am ageing and i know many that use this blog are the same many have ailments and many serious ailments. But they like all of us, have an interest in Arsenal Football club.

    I believe we should be grateful for the chance to chew the fat, and that the administrators should be congratulated for making it possible.

    I have been on other blogs and i have seen bloggers getting the hump with other bloggers who dont share their views, to the point of either moving to other blogs or giving up completely. I feel that all the bloggers who come on here and share their views have all got something in common Arsenal. But i also feel its important to keep it civil and remember that its just a game its not life and death just a game, respect your fellow man and enjoy, until you have had enough.

  89. LB says:

    The Pins it is.

    I don’t expect a particularly stylish game today, more Slog and Bog rather than flowing football.

    But any kind of win would be do me just fine

  90. Eddie says:

    Nice comment Steve!
    I’m grateful to the blog administrators, but I must admit I don’t like them very much 🙂

  91. LB says:


    I only ever went in the George Robey once. For some unknown reason I used to meet people in the World’s End in Finsbury Park.

  92. MickyDidIt89 says:

    We all have friends we don’t like

    Up a mountain

  93. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Well, there’s a thing. I used to live World’s End (shit end of Kings Rd one), and work evenings in Off Lisence when I first started out

  94. Eddie says:

    micky – do you have friends that you like?

    I am waiting for rasp to wake up and retaliate, should be fun 🙂

    Rugby WC final at 4, damn!!!

  95. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Woolly question Eddie and you know how my answer would go anyway 🙂

  96. Eddie says:

    right, Rasp still asleep 😦 I am off, preparing tricks for the haloween. I will chase the little brats with eggs! laters

  97. Eddie says:

    micky 🙂 🙂 yep, I know

  98. Big Raddy says:

    LB. I always drank in the World’s End post-game., staying to listen to the bands that played later in the evening. Strange we never met.

  99. Eddie says:

    raddy – we walked dogs in Highgate woods for years and never met

  100. RA says:

    Eddie said; in reply to Steve;

    “I’m grateful to the blog administrators, but I must admit I don’t like them very much”

    And she is quite right! They are an ‘orrible lot especially Rasper – well, only Rasper really! 😀

  101. Rasp says:

    Morning eddie,

    I am used to getting the blame on here 🙂 I think it would be a good idea if we had a guest ‘blog baron’ every month who could have free rein to run the. blog in their preferred way.

    This would have several benefits. It may point to a better way of running things – or alternatively it may demonstrate that it is not as easy as it may appear 😆

  102. Big Raddy says:

    There is a

    New Post

  103. RA says:

    Unicode: U+2654, UTF-8: E2 99 94

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