Who are North London’s best Football Team?

Arsenal and Tottenham have had an ongoing rivalry/enmity since 1913 when Arsenal had the audacity to move from Woolwich in South East London to Highbury in London N5 just up the road from Tottenham, who played at White Hart Lane in London N17. The Tottenham supporters were still reeling from actions taken by the FA in 1919 when they promoted Arsenal from League Division 2 to League Division 1 despite the fact that they had finished below Tottenham the previous season. Tottenham even went as far as accusing Sir Henry Norris of some sort of skulduggery – how could they possibly have believed that to be true?

Well who are the best team? Let’s explore the team’s records to help us make up minds.

The FA Cup.



Arsenal has 12 victories while Tottenham have won only 8 FA Cups. Arsenal’s last win was just 2 months ago while it has been almost a quarter of a century since Spurs last tasted victory – How very sad!

 League Division 1



Arsenal won League Division 1 on 10 occasions while Tottenham managed just 2 measly wins – How very sad!

Premier League


Arsenal have won 3 Premier Division championships while Tottenham are still waiting to break their duck – as a point of fact it’s now been 54 years since they won any League title – How very sad!

Premier League Records.








This table is absolute evidence that Tottenham can claim the crown of North London’s middle of the road average team that have to live in the vain hope that next year will be their year while Arsenal revel in the glory of being a perpetual top 4 team.

Since Arsene Wenger started as the Arsenal manger in 1996 he has won 3 PL Championships and has never finished outside of the top 4 places whereas in the same time period Tottenham have had 16 different managers and their combined achievement is 2 top 4 finishes – How very sad!

Based on the conclusive evidence we see when comparing the two teams record’s my conclusion is that there is not a rivalry but simply a bitter enmity and a very deep jealousy on the part of the poor deprived and underprivileged N17 dwellers –

How very sad!

They will most likely squawk about the fact that I never listed their record in the Tea Cup or Europe – but frankly who gives a damn about what they think, say or do – most certainly not this Gooner…….in fact I find them to be very sad indeed!

The shadow over White Hart Lane has never been bigger or darker……………while the sun continues to shine bright over the Emirates.


69 Responses to Who are North London’s best Football Team?

  1. BayernBru says:

    How very sad.

  2. Gööner In Exile says:

    Shard….how much do you love me?

    Back to read proper postage later but I’m
    Sure it’s brilliant as ever GN5

  3. James says:

    Well done for spending loads of time producing something that every fan knows – why not look up and compare yourselves to Chels or Man U – oh because you’re always happy with 4th and CL footy for last 15 years, well done for being just over average and not pushing on, at least Spurs are punching above our weight

  4. Dave Trousers says:

    “but frankly who gives a damn about what they think, say or do – most certainly not this Gooner”

    You clearly do care because you wasted your time finding these stats and writing this terrible article. The local rivalry between Tottenham and Arsenal will always exist even if one of teams ends up in the conference. Rivalries make the game what it is today.

    “The shadow over White Hart Lane has never been bigger or darker”

    ???? Tottenham finished 5th in the last campaign during a transitional season with a very young squad and a new manager. Who knows what their squad will be capable of in 3-5 years when they are experienced and are playing in front of 61,000

  5. They are really a sad bunch. Great work gooners.

  6. chas says:

  7. chas says:

    Cheers, GN5.

    p.s. typo in first sentence 1923

  8. John says:

    Can’t help but notice that you didn’t include European competitions! Where spurs have won 3, woolwich still working on that one! Goons have spent vast amounts of money, very comparable to man city and chelski, but still nowhere near title challengers. No good young players coming through either! As opposed to spurs, who currently posses half of the future England team! Also, with regards to one club living in another’s shadow, spurs were the first club to win the double last century and also first British club to win a major European competition! Who’s in who’s shadow? Le arse had the better of it in the early part of the last decade, but let’s face it, there hasn’t been much difference between the two in recent history! Also, in terms of on the field activity spurs could have won by 5 or 6 at the lane last year, but a win is a win. With arsenal very lucky to score in the last few mins at the Emirates to earn a draw too, after being thoroughly out played! But I do like biased articles like this one, make for amusing reading!!!

  9. chas says:

  10. tg says:

    What no European trophy’s ?

  11. GunnerN5 says:


    I noticed one typo in the first sentence (emnity) but I completely overlooked 1923/1913.

  12. Shard says:


    In the words of Ian Wright

    “Don’t tease bro”

  13. GunnerN5 says:


    Your lack of knowledge is very sad indeed – Arsenal has won 2 European trophies and we narrowly missed out on winning the Champions League when we lost 2-1 to Barcelona in the 2006 Final.

    Our trophies are –

    European Fairs Cup Winners
    1970 Beat Anderlecht 4-3 on aggregate

    European Cup Winners Cup Winners
    1994 Beat Parma 1-0 (in Copenhagen)

  14. GunnerN5 says:

    Shard, it was simply irresistible!

  15. Nas says:

    Nice record there…. Love to see how we are compared to the chelshit in London.

  16. GunnerN5 says:


    Historically our record is superior to that of Chelsea, they won Div 1 once, the PL on 4 occasions and the FA Cup 7 times, They have been superior to us since Roman Abramovich purchased the club.

  17. chas says:

    Haha, didn’t see emnity at all.

  18. Shard says:


    A bit of Spurs-baiting is always fun. As long as the stink doesn’t become too entrenched.

    I actually have nothing against Spurs. I’ve never had to put up with any of them for very long seeing as none exist here 🙂

    All they offer is a sense of ‘fun’ by their regular protestations of how they are better than Arsenal. I mean, even I know their checklist by now. It’s even more hilarious when their players and/or managers join in to get in with that chorus. Whatever they may have won or not 30 years ago, they are simply the club who release commemorative DVDs when they win against us.

    For the record, I wish Spurs well. I hope they finish second in the league this year.


    Excellent stuff GN5

    But come now? I will give you five reasons Totnumb are better than Arsenal.

    1) They won the league in black and white. This excites those who marvel in pathos memorabilia and yearn for the day when people spoke out of sync.

    2) Steve Archibald. Steve has helped a whole generation of dismorphic individuals who once had to walk around with a paper bag on there head. One look at him and they realise there not that bad.

    3) The plight of paranoid schizophrenics. One walk down Totnumb High Road highlights the plight of those in desperate need of a Napoleon costume or who are having regular sex with an alien. This assures they get the medical attention they need.

    4) The sale of DVDs. Before Totnumbs glory nights of finishing above mid table and getting to the quarter final of the league cup, my mate Mr Patels DVD and behind the counter Viagra shop was on the verge of going bust. But now with Totnumb celebrating a home draw with Stoke, he sells more DVDs then ever. Viagra always sells well in Totnumb. One look at Garth Crooks can cause serious sexual dysfunction.

    5) The Cockerel. This much maligned bird had its human rights per cockerel fighting taken away by the Government. Now that Totnumb revel in this bird, Cockerels can fight to the death in peace, with the safe assurance that a man who drives a white van will make some money and acquire a healthy erection from the spectacle.

  20. GunnerN5 says:


    Coming from an Arsenal family and growing up in N5 I was automatically anti Spurs. The feeling became even more entrenched when I went to school and was barracked by the kids that supported them.

    Fortunately they are a rare and possibly extinct breed here in Canada.

  21. Rasp says:

    Thanks GN5, a tasty little ‘cage rattler’

    Apologies for not correcting the typos before publishing – it’s done now 🙂

    To the shadow dwellers whose comments have gone into moderation:

    This is not because of your opinions but because you have used the ‘Y’ word. This is a racist term that is not tolerated on this site. If your club had the class you claim, it would also ban its use and catch up with the rest of the 21st century!

  22. GunnerN5 says:

    Terry thank you for sharing your personal knowledge of some of their inner feelings. It must be terrifying for the poor souls now that everything around them is in colour and they are still stuck in the old days of black and white?

    Mind you we should be a tad worried because they win the League once every 67 years so it looks like 2028 will be their year!

  23. GunnerN5 says:

    Thank you Rasp.

  24. Rasp says:

    I wonder if Maureen (the man who will stoop so low as to attack the wives of other managers) will now feel that he has to pay an outrageously inflated price for a striker following Costa’s hamstring injury ……. surely not, because chelski are the poor little team who are being outspent by the likes of Arsenal 😕

    I think the main point that should have been made in response to his outrageous and patently incorrect allegation would be that we have only spent money we have earned, to the point that we had to make a small profit on player transfers in the early years of the stadium project. Chelski on the other hand would have run at a huge loss had it not been for the money gifted to them by Abramovich.

    Arsenal have refused to accept money from Usmanov …. now that’s class for you 🙂

  25. Shard says:

    yearn for the days when people spoke out of sync

    TMHT. You are a genius.

  26. gilly says:

    Only one flaw in this there is only one north london team and they did not originate in Woolwich

  27. Gio says:

    For someone who doesnt consider us a threat or a rival it sure looks like you spent an awful long time researching our facts and figures and achivements.
    How very sad.
    But this is just the latest in the long line of gooners who go out of their way to slag us off wether its so called fans or players, hell, even one of your directors got in on the act recently.
    How very very sad.
    And as you mention it. Why did you omit the fact that in Europe we have 3 to your 2.
    Ooohh musn’t allow the Mighty Spurs to look better in any category. So lets just sweep it under the table.
    How very very very sad!!!

  28. GoonerB says:

    Thanks GN5. I have to say I am more in Shards frame of mind. I have too many good friends who support them (alright don’t shoot me). I actually love the banter and rivalry but will always point out to my mates who support them that they dropped a massive clanger there. I also like to tell them that brainwashing their kids into supporting the spuds is tantamount to child abuse and that really it should be illegal for anyone to support spuds under the age of 18, and after that it is their own fault.

    The differences over the years are loaded in our favour but I don’t think you will find many Spurs fans (if they are being totally honest) denying that. I also know some of my mates who support them put their head in their hands when things like that Dawson interview come out. Their view is “why did you have to say that?” as they know it is probably just going to end up as ammunition for future ridicule.

    Sorry for those of you that disagree but Chavs and Moaninho are public enemy number 1 in my book.

  29. Rasp says:

    Gio, you have a very short memory. Cast your mind back to 2013. Mind the gap! Oh the embarrassment you must have suffered. All that celebrating before the event. The jibes, the carping, the triumphalism ….. and all for nothing 😆 I agree, how very sad.

  30. GunnerN5 says:


    Thank you for your insightful comments, you must be looking forward to your next league win in 2028?

  31. GunnerN5 says:


    My feelings have mellowed a lot over the years and this was really meant to be a tongue in the cheek post – but I must say I also got a great deal of pleasure out of the actual stats.

    54 years since a league win and 24 years since a FA Cup trophy is very sad indeed – my how time fly’s by when you live in the shadows!

  32. SpurredoninDublin says:

    In all your history lesson, you have overlooked how Arsenal got their place in the top flight to begin with by bribing your way into DIV 1. So for all that you have won, none of it has been on merit and is all traceable back to this single corrupt act.

    Arsenal: the Lance Armstrongs of English football.

  33. GunnerN5 says:


    I did in fact mention the “spurious” thoughts about Sir Henry Norris……..

  34. Rasp says:

    SpudinDub, obviously you are not a regular reader of this site otherwise you would know that we covered all that part of Arsenal’s history in recent articles.

    Arsenal has been a north London side for over 100 years – far longer than its previous incarnation in Woolwich. You are really clutching at straws if you think this point is still relevant.

  35. chas says:

    Everyone knows Tottenham only became part of London in 1965. Before that it was in Middlesex as the Municipal Borough of Tottenham.


  36. Rasp says:

    I should just point out that today’s post was not tagged with totnum, nor did it have any reference to totnum in the title and yet we have had bleating comments from its misinformed supporters. I ask you, who is the more sad – those who are celebrating Arsenal’s success on a site dedicated to their team – or those who trawl the internet eager to advertise the massive chip on their shoulders?

  37. GunnerN5 says:

    Oops sounds like this is causing you a lot of behind the scenes work Rasp.

  38. GunnerN5 says:

    Unfortunately I’m off out on a shopping crusade with my wife and daughter so I will be gone for a few hours, keep up your valiant defensive work Rasp.

  39. Gööner In Exile says:

    Shard, two tickets but couldn’t get two together at lower tier so you have upper in the Clock End, let me know if the email you use to sign in here is your standard email I’ll send you something. 😀


    Five more reasons why Totnumb are better than Arsenal

    1) Bitterness. Before Totnumb fans harping on about things that happened 100 years ago, bitter wankers were having a real hard time of it. Laughed at on tv shows like Jeremy Kyle and arrested by the old bill for jealously harassing there neighbours underpants. But now, bitter wankers can pick up there giro whilst working as an undeclared scaffolder and yet still blame Arsenal fans for the housing crises. Nice

    2) New stadium. When Totnumbs new stadium is completed in 2062, we should all get to see after a 5-0 home defeat the biggest mass mourning since those Chinese geezers walked the wrong way round that wall.

    3) Fat men from Enfield. When Totnumb move into there stadium, fat men from Enfield will finally get to see there rights catered for as a 61,000 capacity should see a full house of 5,000.

    4) David Pleat. The good old fashioned art of haggling has in recent years seen a sad decline. Now, with Pleats help residents can haggle with each other over the price of a good honest mugging. The only down side is that unfortunately with pleat driving around, the standard of ladies of the night has seen a sad decline.

    5) Graham Roberts. Before Graham, thick middle aged men with large bodies were having a real hard time. Overgrown thickos were reviled for watching Rainbow and laughing hysterically at there own farts. Graham has changed all that. Dense men with overgrown bodies can now pass wind in peace and mimic a Zippy accent without getting a smack in the face.

  41. Gööner In Exile says:

    GN5 this is marvellous stuff I know Rasp is busy fighting the fires created by the swamp dwellers who have managed to crawl out and reach for their keyboard.

    Never has there been a more deluded bunch of fans, they actually believe they are a big club and that this stadium they are building will actually mean they get better. Every year I know too many of them that come to me wanting to tell me how they will be above us this year and they have x y and z who are better.

    It’s hilarious.

  42. Shard says:


    Yes it’s my standard mail. Thank you!

    Once you mail me I can tell you how much I love you without making Eddie jealous 😀

  43. Shard says:

    Seems like everyone missed the import of wishing Spurs finish second 😕

  44. Afternoon all, fine work GN5. In the interests of a quiet home life, I seldom mention the unmentionables. In the past doing so has resulted in tepid mince and soggy mashed potato for dinner.

    I’ve just had the most expensive trip to Stansted Airport ever. I had agreed to drive my daughter-in-law and my two grandchildren to the airport to catch a flight to Germany to visit her parents. All went well, at first, we left on time at 08.30, quickly cleared Norwich and headed down the A11, past Thetford, past Barton Mills and heading for Newmarket…and then the clutch went.

    Just managed to coast into a layby, by good fortune there was an emergency phone at he side, it wasn’t working. I used the non-emergency number to call the police. A very helpful member of the Suffolk Constabulary quickly found me the number of a local taxi firm and suggested I call them while he arranged a recovery vehicle.

    I phoned the taxi firm and a cab arrived ten minutes later, I paid the cabbie £65 and off went the family to Stansted.

    The recovery vehicle arrived twenty minutes later and it only cost me £245 plus VAT to be transported with the car back to my local garage in Norfolk.

    I expect to be given an estimate for the repair later today, no doubt it won’t be cheap. But hey, they caught their flight OK and have since landed in Germany so all’s well that ends well.

  45. Gööner In Exile says:

    Ouch Norfolk……

  46. Rasp says:

    We’ve just signed “The New Thierry Henry” from Ajax …. 16 year old Donyell Malen

  47. Shard says:

    I don’t know and don’t care what Spurs are like, but I’ve just received a touching example of what it means to be part of the Arsenal family.

    Thank you GIE.

    And thank you Evonne.

    Can’t wait to meet all of you on AA.

  48. Eddie says:

    GN5 – you are a keyboard hero 🙂 Fair play to you boy!

    The serious response from the fans of lesser teams made me laugh 🙂 Thank you for a very enjoyable read

  49. The Cockie Monster says:

    Your best yet, GN5 !, which gives me a great opportunity to write one of my best jokes and not an expletive in sight !. hahaha

    How many Totnumb supporters does it take to change a light bulb ?Answer…………….It`s totally irrelevant !.
    Arsenal`s shadow is more dense than a black hole !.
    Arsenal`s shadow is a place where ordinary shadows have become so extreme that it overwhelms all other forces in the universe.
    Once inside, nothing can escape Arsenal`s shadow ……. not even light !.
    It`s such an intelligent joke that I will probably end up with a Nobel Prize !…………………………The Spuds on the other hand have a Cock on their shirt to make up for their inadequacies down below and are the perennial winners of The No Belland Piece Prize !.

    Whilst living in our shadow for as long as they can remember and still waiting for the invention of colour, the only way the Spuds would get the better of us is if we were to be made to play in total darkness……..or as they say in the Shadowlands………Total Morlock !.

    A Totnumb training session !.

  50. GunnerN5 says:

    It’s now official………………

    Szczesny joins AS Roma on loan

    Wojciech Szczesny will join Serie A side AS Roma on loan for the 2015/16 season.

    The 25-year-old keeper made 29 appearances in all competitions for the Gunners last season, helping the team win the FA Cup in his final game of the campaign.

    Szczesny, who joined the Arsenal academy in 2006, has made a total of 181 appearances for the club since making his senior debut at the age of 19 in 2009.

    He shared the ‘Golden Glove’ award with new signing Petr Cech in 2013/14, the pair each keeping 16 Premier League clean sheets.

    The Poland international joins AS Roma for the opportunity of regular first-team football this term.

    Everyone at Arsenal would like to wish Wojciech well for his time in Italy.

    This loan move is subject to the completion of regulatory processes.

    Copyright 2015 The Arsenal Football Club plc. Permission to use quotations from this article is granted subject to appropriate credit being given to http://www.arsenal.com as the source

  51. Eddie says:

    koscielny posted the vid above on Ronaldo’s tweeter asking: “Can you do this Cristiano?’ 🙂 Funny guy

  52. chas says:

  53. Eddie says:

    listen chas – Englishmen are now a laughing stock of Europe. Thanks to Lord Sewel whose photos were published around the continent English will never be taken seriously. there is no need to show any more perverted Britts, let’s keep it quiet, shall we?

  54. Eddie says:

    can anybody explain to me why would anybody want to kill such beautiful animal (the one on the left)?

    fooking seeko (the one on the right)

  55. chas says:

    listen Eddie – it’s not just Englishmen, it’s all men.
    There isn’t one of us who hasn’t taken to wearing a bra and sniffing lines of coke from the arse of a high class hooker.

  56. Eddie says:

    STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ENOUGH, I am really feeling sick now

    Football. Have we bought anyone yet?
    Are we ready for Sunday? Is it important if we win or not?

  57. Eddie says:

    Yes Eddie, for psychological reasons Sunday is a MWG. That and teaching the Chavs a lesson is very important. And, another trophy would look good in the cabinet

  58. Eddie i don’t think its that important personally, we won it last season……

  59. Eddie says:

    GiE – yeah, but I HATE losing to Chelsea, even in a friendly.

    I was thinking about you and about chas’s comment @8:26. Not sure about coke and hookers but you couldn’t get a pink bra your size 🙂 So I think chas is wrong saying that all men do it 🙂

  60. Gööner In Exile says:

    Because of you Eddie there is a new post….

    New post everyone….

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