Give Us A ‘B’: The Alternative Arsenal Alphabet

Continuing the Alternative Arsenal Alphabet, we move on to the letter B which, when lying on its side, looks quite comical.

Please remember this is the ALTERNATIVE alphabet, so don’t scream and shout at the absence of Brady and Bergkamp.


There was a time, when we kept winning games 1-0 and when George Graham’s famous defence was meaner than Scrooge, when we fans actually revelled in the ‘Boring, Boring Arsenal’ epithet. But it was much more fun later on when Arsene arrived and we became ‘Scoring, Scoring Arsenal.’

Battle of Old Trafford

It was September 2003… Arsenal and Manchester United were the two best teams in the country; Patrick Vieira and Roy Keane were in their pomp; the rivalry was intense. Vieira was sent off in the 80th minute after receiving two yellow cards in three minutes – thanks in part to play-acting by Van Nistelrooy. In the dying seconds, with the score at 0-0, United won a penalty. Van Nistelrooy took it but it hit the bar. The reaction from the Arsenal players was fantastic – with Martin Keown bouncing in the Dutchman’s face like a demented Zebedee. A mass scuffle broke out, leading to five Arsenal players and two United players later being fined.

Battle of the Buffet

A little over a year later and we were back in Manchester with a 49 match unbeaten run under our belts. Mike Riley and a ridiculous dive from the Granny Shagger conspired to end our run. The fun really started in the tunnel, when scuffles broke out and Cesc Fabregas lamped a pizza onto Alex Ferguson’s head. The first and only time a pizza has been served with an extra topping of twat.


Melvyn Bragg – or Lord Bragg to you – is one of our celebrity fans – and as one of the most erudite and intelligent gents in the land (check out his wonderful “In Our Time” show on Radio 4), it just goes to show that Arsenal supporters are the brightest and the best. By contrast the Spuds boast Darren Day and Chas ‘n’ Dave among their support, while the Chavs have David Mellor and Michael Greco.


Chelsea fans can bombard our players with a thousand sticks of celery at Wembley and that’s OK; Spud fans can pelt an injured player (Theo) and the stretcher bearers who are carrying him with coins and that’s OK. One Arsenal fan throws a single banana at Gareth Bale and he gets banned for three years (perhaps he should have launched an a-peel). Mind you, I did like this line from the trial: “Thomas Flint, who, the court heard, has no interests other than football, was sentenced to a three-year football banning order, fined £250 and ordered to pay costs of £85 and a £25 victim surcharge.”

Buying Trophies

It may work for the Oilygarchs of Manchester and West London, but I am delighted to say that it’s something that Britain’s classiest club does not engage in.

Right that’s a few to get you started… now over to you.




68 Responses to Give Us A ‘B’: The Alternative Arsenal Alphabet

  1. arnie says:

    ha ha ha ha. Brilliant Rocky. 🙂 🙂 FIRST.

    And Big Raddy. Great fun!!!!! Without Raddy’s pre-matches and quiet and strong views about everything Arsenal, where would we be!!!!!

  2. Phil B. says:

    “Born is the King of Highbury”!

  3. Phil B. says:

    GG Loves a BUNG

  4. Shard says:

    “The first and only time a pizza has been served with an extra topping of twat.”

    Hahaha. So true.

    B is for Bischoff…Amauri Bischoff.. Secret agent. Rumour has it he could give 10 chickens indigestion, and kill one Highland Terrier, with a single twang of his hamstring.

  5. Bollocks ( of the dogs ) is what we are !.

    Blockley ( Jeff ). Bertie Mee`s self confessed “worst mistake ” !. We call something sublime…” Bergkampesque” !, may be something atrocious should be called… “Blockleyesque” !. Forty one years later and I`m still sending him death threats !.

    Bishop Bashers…….Spud fans.

  6. Phil B. says:

    “Bullshit” The period between the end of the season and signing Mesut Özil.

  7. Phil B. says:

    The biggest bastard on the terraces is the one who shouts “Give us a “B” at a Borussia Monchengladbach game.

  8. Phil B. says:

    Hey Cockie Monster may I add John Hawley to your “blockleyesque”

  9. Stephenwithaph says:

    Do me a favour and update your goalscorers list, I know for a fact that Ramsey has scored an FA cup goal.

  10. LBG says:

    B – bete noire – I can think of many over my 50 plus years! Sheringham, Shearer, Poll, probably stand out.
    – balderdash – a polite way of summing up Talkshite
    – blancmange – just a word I like!

  11. Rasp says:

    Thanks for the instruction Stephen, anything else I can do for you?

  12. arnie says:

    On celebrity fans: Bernard Butler, Saffron Burrows, Ronnie Biggs, Raymond Blanc, an apparently even Darren Bent and Karren Brady

  13. RA says:

    I am confused, Rocky.
    You know I am a simple person and need to be told exactly what is required, please? 😀

    Thing is are we talking about an alternative alphabet, in which case;

    The new Klingdon Alphabet: ž d ë ę ż œ ź æ p ł w q b d ã

    ždžë ęæł ãžęœź æwãI. (Your horse has farted);

    Or are we looking for an alternative dictionary?

    In which case, there is no contest – Cockie Monster will win hands down – he is barmy after all! 🙂

    ëżźæ płqdãž dëęœæ Cockie. We all love you, Cockie! 🙂

  14. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Great fun piece Rocky 😀 . The only “B” I want to see is a Plan B.

    ” Arsene, Arsene give us a B,”

  15. Boner !……..Surely I wasn`t the only one to get one when Ramsey scored the winner !.

    Blind !……..Wenger didn`t see it !.

    Beaver !…….Silent Stan wears a symbiotic one on his head !.

    Beard !……Biggy R likes them on PM`s and they are essential must have`s for the Iranian branch of Arsenal Woman`s Supporters Club !.

    Barrel !…….there seems to be a lot of scraping the bottom of it at the end of our Transfer Windows !.

    Bondage !…….Essential when trying to remove Arsene`s wallet in Transfer Window !.

    Bible !……. The Ten Commandments 1) Though shall hate Totnumb !. 2) Ditto. 3) Ditto. 4) Ditto. 5) Ditto. 6) Ditto. 7) Ditto. 8) Ditto. 9) Ditto, 10) Ditto.

    Bum !……Please, an end to squeaky ones !.

    Blessed ( Brian ) is the one……who should be an Arsenal cheer leader !.

    Budgie smugglers !……..Hands up those who have a mirror and a bell in theirs !…….the fcuking constant ringing, I thought I had tinnitus !.

    Braille !……..I have my name and address etched onto my todger and like to walk into a blind women`s WI meeting and tell them I`m lost !.

  16. RA says:

    Cockie, 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    I said you would win!!!!!!

  17. Hi Redders !……As a walking dictionary, I`m sure you would have no trouble in out witting me !. 😀

  18. VCC says:


  19. GunnerN5 says:

    Beautiful piece = Rocky.

    Bloody funny = “an a-peel”

    Boring also goes to = Repetitive Bullshit served up by Backward “fans” and Blind “experts”

    BBB Triple B = Bye Bye Bendtner.

    Import B’s sorted first by goals then games and based on playing at least 150 games.

    Although this is our alphabetic “B” list many of these players are on our all time “A” list.

    Bastin Cliff -178, 396
    Brain Jimmy – 139, 232
    Bergkamp – 120, 423
    Baker Joe – 100, 156
    Bloomfield Jimmy – 56, 227
    Ball Alan – 52, 217
    Blyth Billy – 51, 343
    Baker Alf – 26, 351
    Barnes Wally – 12, 294
    Bould Steve – 8, 372
    Butler Jack – 8, 296

  20. GunnerN5 says:

    Forget Import and start reading at B’s sorted first……………..

  21. GunnerN5 says:

    Blog Blocker – GN5 comments!

  22. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Benzema and…Balotelli..and err…Bender…and err B..B..B..errrr…ummm..Barsene Benger and Bacary Bagna and errr…

    Well, that’ll do.

    Thanks for the inspiration Rocky 🙂

  23. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Phew, first day of house moving done. Damn it’s great. Everyone so excited.

  24. Where you going Didit ?……..North, South, West or East of your current position ( wherever that is ) ?…….knowing your love of the surf, I`m going to guess closer to the beach….West ?…….then again you like Dartmoor, so it could be South !…..maybe a different county !…..stressful, but exciting moving house !. Good luck with the move .

  25. neamman says:

    Boner !……..Surely I wasn`t the only one to get one when Ramsey scored the winner !.


    Well just as long as it wasn’t your reaction to seeing GN5 and me on video!!!!


  26. neamman says:

    Jeff Blockley, God a name from the past. He wasn’t that bad.. but not that great either!!
    Mickey Boot.. played 4 games scored two goals.
    Then disappeared to South Africa or somewhere.

  27. neamman says:

    Feel sorry for Orient. I usually will go there on my trips over if Arsenal are away and they are at home.

  28. B is for Blog and it’s wonderful bloggers 😉

  29. evonne says:

    B is for Board – we are relying on them to spend Big Bucks this summer to Bring Big Bloody Brazilian striker and even Bigger defender

    you are extremely witty Mr Rocky! Thanks for great fun with the Bees

  30. Look guys tomorrow is the 25th anniversary of Anfield89 and while we’ve got great Anfield 89 posts to repeat it would be good to have an amazing introduction from someone.

    Have a think, I’ll be back in the morning 😉

  31. arnie says:

    where is 26? does he not have a moral obligation, having adopted 26may1989 as his blog name! 😛

  32. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Sunny morning 🙂

    Could do an intro Peaches 🙂

  33. evonne says:

    sunny? did you move abroad Mr DidIt?

  34. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Peaches. Sent.

  35. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Oh good, it’s raining in the South East is it, Evonne?

    About bloody time we had the best of the weather 🙂

  36. evonne says:

    pee off Didit, you get stunning views all year round!

    Am I allowed to ask what you think of that Nigel Farage? I sort of agree with his views, but don’t trust him, he’s a funny fecker

  37. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    B for Brand,. We are a club unlike some .

    Buddhist. How we miss Steve 😀

    Blip. A 9 year one

    Beer. Goes so well with football

  38. evonne says:

    and BR to top the list 🙂

    and where is Herb, has anyone heard from him lately? I’d be interested to see if he changed his views on AW now

  39. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Don’t like him 🙂

  40. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Ahhh, Buddhist Steve ROLF

  41. Big Raddy says:

    Herb said he wasn’t going to blog here anymore a couple of months ago after a small dispute.

    Shame, it was always good to read his comments even if I didn’t always agree.

  42. evonne says:

    whom? BR or Farage , or both?

  43. Big Raddy says:

    Micky. I should go back and re-read Buddhist Steve Day – it was one of the blogs highlights.

    Hope the move goes smoothly. At least there is plenty of room for your things!

  44. evonne says:

    Raddy – yes, a pity. He had incredible knowledge on all Arsenal related matters.

  45. Big Raddy says:

    Where’s chas?

    Camping or the Sauna?

  46. evonne says:

    Micky – when I was looking for new digs I was assessing space for dogs and bees. Did you take into account space for your pigs? Or are you going to leave them behind?

  47. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Real removals people here weds and thurs, but we started yesterday with a big trailer.

    Evonne: setting up the surf wet/dry shed today, you’ll be pleased to hear. Oh, and what will be the veggie garden, cripes, have we got our work cut out.

  48. evonne says:

    Great, no more smelly rubber suits in the kitchen! Yes, I am very happy about it!

    Chas is camp

  49. MickyDidIt89 says:

    They are coming. There’s a lovely old open sided shed leading into their own paddock. They will be very happy, and so will Mrs Didit, as they won’t be able to roam around the garden smashing pots any more

  50. evonne says:

    ha ha ha 🙂 fantastic! I hope you are all very happy in your new home!

  51. MickyDidIt89 says:

    “Chas is camp” 🙂

    Bet he has an inflatable hot tub, so that he can invite new “friends” over.

  52. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Actually, I remember Chas saying they take a spare tent for special “friends”. My God, it must be a debauched and sordid affair.

    In fact, it all sounds rather Scandinavian, wouldn’t you say Raddy? 🙂

  53. evonne says:

    sounds perverted to me. I just hope he wont publish any photos here 🙂 After seeing JP my life will never be the same again

  54. evonne says:

    first world cup fixture – Brazil v Croatia, yummy

  55. Big Raddy says:

    😀 😀

    I bet he serves Rose´ wines.

  56. Big Raddy says:

    Yes, Scandi’s are very “hospitable”

  57. MickyDidIt89 says:

    That’ll be ok, Evonne, he takes two cameras, and all images from Tentcam only go on specialist websites.

  58. evonne says:

    brrrrrrr….i am too catholic for all that.

  59. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Indeed Raddy.

    I heard the reason Scandis hop straight into bed within minutes of meeting, is to determine early doors whether it’s worth the effort of bothering moving on to the conversational level.

    I think they’re dead right.

  60. Big Raddy says:

    I thought such behaviour was very catholic

  61. Big Raddy says:

    Micky. Shame we didn’t grow up here!!

  62. MickyDidIt89 says:

    It’s trailer time for me.

    Very Happy May 26 one and all.

  63. Morning all

    Thanks Micky for the post.

    Happy 26 may to you all.

  64. arnie says:

    happy 26 may everyone.

    plans for climbing Cairngorm scuppered by rain and fog yesterday. ultimately we gave up. revised plan today. walk from Crail to Elie along the Fife coast. hopefully better weather

  65. evonne says:

    I am going back to bed, no point doing anyything else in such treacherous conditions

    I checked the Brazilian and Argentine squads – scaaaaary stuff

  66. evonne says:

    Didit – do you know, personally that weirdo Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall? He shares many of your interests and hobbies

  67. The Cockie Monster says:

    I think I`ll get my boyz toyz out !…….up the top field on my 42″ cut John Deere ride-on-mower !. I can see Kit Hill and Dartmoor from up there !……Heaven !.

  68. We have a New Post ………………..

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