Hair-Raising Issues.

Written by MickyDidIt

Unbelievably, I think I have unearthed a quite brilliant observation. Now bear with me, and if someone is reading this to you, I don’t mean “let’s get naked”.

Anyone else noticed improvements in the performances of JD and Alex Song this season. Well, I have, and do you know what, there is a common denominator. Yip, you’ve guessed it.  Dramatic change up top in the head fur department. Let’s look at the evidence. Is JD a better player with some colour up top? Yes he is. Has Song’s game improved since he yellowed up? Yes it has. You may think I am being silly, however I have tested this theory out on a person and it is bulletproof. Let’s continue. Freddie Lljungberg: did his development step up a notch with the addition of the red Mohawk. I believe the answer is: yes, it did. Stevie Bould and hair loss. Would we have celebrated his recession with “Stevie, Stevie Bould, Got no hair, We don’t care” with such relish had the lowering of the hair line not been matched by heightened performances on the green stuff.  I think not. Seaman:  poneytail and tash?  Worked for him.  Marouane arrived with a German styley short top, long back, and bingo in they flew. He has since “normalized” his hair by doing away with the back bit, and guess what? The goals dry up. Cesc: George Michaeling his trimmed beardy look, world beater. Bacary Sagna: arrived at The Arsenal with something on his head. It has remained, and he continues to be the league’s best right back. Change should not be considered.

All of this brings me to the serious point about this post and an area of deep concern that it highlights (highlights! Oh, that is so good). Jack Wilshere, without doubt the most talented Arsenal and Englishman of his era,  is but one small tub of gel away from disaster. There are very many performance enhancing hair creations, however I simply cannot stress the dangers that lie ahead of the gelster. I am not referring to the spikey-up version. There is something way more sinister and I am alluding to the wet look comb forward. This is known as the Cretin Cut. It is the chosen look of the wayward lad. There are great dangers that lurk beneath the mop that dons the gel, and it is evident that the Wilshere hair is, how can I say this, forward looking.

At this point, I want to send out a clear message to Rosicky, Denilson, Eboue and the rest of the untreated, and it is simple: get busy upstairs. I am no stats man but the evidence is overwhelming. “Normalizing the thatch” is a means of compromise, moving into the safe middle ground. Extinguishing the flames and blunting the edge. It is not clever and it is not mature.  We need the extremes for our boys. That’s the extra 5%, or the bit that separates the winners from also-rans.  I appreciate there are many football experts with a far superior knowledge of the technicalities than I, but we all make mistakes, and it is easy with all the tactics nonsense in the modern game to overlook the bleeding obvious.

This post could easily bring in the smallest ever number of comments, and I am happy to take the flak, but do you know what, I am above that kind of thing. Ego must not stand in the way of things that need to be said.  I know this post will give us nothing whatsoever to discuss today, but frankly, I think just for once, some of you should get on with some bloody work!

I hate International week.

One of our young gooners has signed up to do the Fun Run for Arsenal’s chosen charity Centrepoint and it would be fantastic if any of you felt you wanted to support her and the charity by donating on her giving page.

The Fun Run will take place at the Emirates stadium on the 19th March 2011. Centrepoint do such good work for homeless young people in London and Arsenal are hoping to raise £500,000 this season to help fund the refurbishment of a facility in Soho.

111 Responses to Hair-Raising Issues.

  1. Morning all

    A bit of fun on a Friday morning. I hope the post doesn’t upset all you folically challenged chaps 🙂

  2. I’m sure there was an issue with Ade’s hair aswell wasn’t there – he stopped scoring when he had his hair cut …… or was he just bored 😉

  3. charybdis1966 says:

    I like posts like this, we can only talk about formations, transfer inactivity and tactical foul ups for so long and something a bit more frivolous is a welcome change.
    Hurrah MDi89 – this paves the way for my E J Thribb inspired post on the poetic side of Saturday afternoon at the Grove.

  4. Gooner in Exile says:

    Quality post Micky

    Continuing the frivolity I had a strange dream last night.

    I chaired a clearing the air meeting between Moyes and Wenger. And then was put through my paces by Pat Rice before going in to the team meeting. I know sone may consider 34 a bit old to start in the EPL but I think I’ve got what it takes 🙂

    Any dreamologists want to analyse that one?

  5. Big Raddy says:

    Just brilliant Micky “The Cretin Cut” LOL

  6. Gooner in Exile says:

    I see RvP and Cesc tweeted about their recovery from illness. 🙂

    The real positive of the withdrawal of Cesc (if as we expect there is some fabrication) is it establishes his loyalty to the cause and can silence those who think he wants away. A player who wants away especially one who is not yet a regular in his international side would be kicking up all kind of fuss about being held back.

  7. wise gunner from malawi in africa says:

    may b i should do somethin to my hair to get the girls? What if i told you nasri,dourou,song wil alll play against barca?

  8. dandan says:

    Well spotted Mickey.
    If hair is the answer my white locks will at last enable me to take my place as the natural successor to TH14. Arsene seemed a bit reluctant when I wrote to him, evidently I am a bit outside academy entry age.
    But your learned treatise will undoubtedly cause the professor to rethink, thanks mate.

  9. Gooner in Exile says:

    Dandan …. Think Ravanelli

  10. Rasp says:


    Brilliant post micky – this is real investigative journalism, did you go undercover 😆

    I think I’ve used too much ‘Wash and Go’ over the years …..

    Welcome wgfmia,
    Have you any evidence to support the idea that Nasri will be back for Barca?

  11. dandan says:

    GIE: Ravioli!!! yes I am taking high energy food in anticipation of my debut.

  12. Geoff Strong says:

    Oh Micky ! My Hoddle and Waddle nightmares will return now.

    Don’t let Torres read this or maybe you should send it to him the night before they play ManU.

  13. Teampossible says:

    I agree about Jack, just look what the gel did to Bentley.
    I have also noticed this strange phenomenon, but one must be wary of indulging too much in these Samsonesque rituals, because it won’t be too long until some of them come up looking like this:

  14. dandan says:

    Chris Smalling V Carlos Tevez no contest in my book.

  15. 26may1989 says:

    “One small tub of gel away from disaster” – love it! Well done, Micky. And it probably makes as much sense as most of our kack-handed efforts at comprehending tactics etc.

    But seriously, Song’s hair is shocking, often looks like June Whitfield.

  16. Carlito11 says:

    Great bit of fun Micky 😀 – will go and do some work now! Liked the pic from Teampossible too- back this afternoon!

  17. Red Arse says:

    Micky, 🙂

    Clearly brilliantly researched and all credit to you, but for me personally it has engendered a somewhat melancholic feeling.

    You see I have always had an unruly mop, think Beatles–shaggy, and it has been a matter of some heated debate with my family and various employers over the years.
    Once they all realised the mop had a mind of its own and was beyond my control no one seemed to notice or to care two stuffs.
    What’s more it has done nothing to improve my football skills!

    Hopefully you are now onto more advanced research and I await with bated breath your utterances on hairy feet.
    I once went out with a lovely girl for about 2 months until we went swimming and I saw her feet …… but that’s another story! 🙂

  18. mickydidit89 says:

    Thanks for nice words. Really tied up today down at the unisex salon. Back later.

  19. valenciangooner says:

    @mickydidit89: Please – more ! Tied up at the unisex salon !!! More please .Imagination running riot here .

    Loved the post , great stuff .

  20. goonermichael says:

    Peaches you’re right about ade’s samson effect. Sagna tried not having the blonde bits and went downhill too.

  21. goonermichael says:

    “unisex salon”

    Haven’t heard that expression since the 70s

  22. RockyLives says:

    ‘Top notch’ post micky. ‘Head and shoulders’ above anything else out there today. But there’s one important point you haven’t ‘covered’: the importance of the fact that we always play a pre-season friendly against Barnet. This clearly shows that, as a club, we have a hair fixation.

  23. RockyLives says:

    And it’s lovely to see from everyone’s responses that we’re all in Harmony today.

  24. Red Arse says:

    Rocky, 🙂 🙂

  25. dandan says:

    West Ham Confirmed for the new stadium. oh dear poor old spuds Mr Sugar will be spitting blood

  26. RockyLives says:

    Spuds will actually have to pay for a stadium now if they want to move. Let’s see how they manage that…

  27. Geoff Strong says:

    A couple of gems from my 3 year old grandaughter….

    “Grandad, you are old”

    “Why do you say that”

    “Cos you’ve got skin on your head”

    Also, one winters day she decided I needed to be kept warm, she wrapped me in anything to hand and topped it off by putting a little square of carpet on my head !

  28. RockyLives says:

    in a very funny post, this line made me splurt out my morning cuppa: “You may think I am being silly, however I have tested this theory out on a person and it is bulletproof.”
    Spike Milligan would be proud of you.

  29. London says:

    Great bit of fun writing Micky, very entertaining.

  30. Red Arse says:

    Hi Guys,

    The quiz yesterday threw up some great responses, so here’s another Friday special! 🙂

    New Blog Exit Exam

    You only need 4 correct answers out of 10 questions to pass your accredited Bloggers exam.

    1) How long did the Hundred Years’ War last?

    2) Which country makes Panama hats?

    3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

    5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

    7) What was King George VI’s first name?

    8) What colour is a purple finch?

    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

    10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial airplane?

    Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass.

    Check your answers below ….

    1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
    2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
    3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
    5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
    7) What was King George VI’s first name? Albert
    8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson
    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)

    OK how did you get on?

    —What do you mean, you failed?

    (And if you try to tell me you passed, you are a lickle fibber!)

  31. Big Raddy says:

    RA. Thought there had to be something dodgy about the quiz.

    I am disappointed Spurs aren’t moving. Harry would have been so comfortable in the East End

  32. Red Arse says:


    I am tickled by ‘Arrys rallying cry supporting the move.

    On the face of it, I think it would have been good for us if Spurs got the hell out of Dodge (aka Totteringham).
    On the other hand, (face…hand, geddit?) if they did move they would benefit financially both from the enormously reduced costs/timetable for getting a brand new stadium, but also it would be a good recruitment area for a new fan base of wealthy city types.

    It also makes their bleating about Lord Norris and our cheekily moving into their neighbourhood in the last century a lot of nonsense.

  33. London says:

    Does this now mean that West Ham are now a bigger club than spuds?

  34. London says:

    How long after the Olympics do you think West Ham will wait until they ask to covert it into a football stadium?
    Spuds are so dumb, all they had to do is pay lip service to the powers that be and they would have got it.

    I heard a great fact yesterday on the radio: Arsenal make two million more per home game than spuds. I can only assume this was aimed at spud supporters to try and persude them to move……either that or it was a gooner rubbing their noses in it.

  35. 26may1989 says:

    London, Levy is asking for “legal guarantees” that the Whammers won’t rip up the running track….!

    RA: 5 out of 10!!!

  36. goonermichael says:

    I’m still feeling really happy that JD isn’t injured.

  37. goonermichael says:

    Is there a canary Islands in the Pacific. Is my geography that bad?

  38. Red Arse says:


    Well spotted! I did not want anyone to get 10 out of 10. 🙂
    26, who is a quiz night guru, might have got the lot and I couldn’t let a lawyer win! 🙂

    The Canary Islands are in the South Atlantic, off Africa, and belong to Spain. They are named after the feral dogs on the islands.

    How many did you get right?

  39. RockyLives says:

    Five correct for me – 1,3,4,7 and 9.
    I did also know that black boxes are not black, but had no idea what colour they really are.

  40. Red Arse says:

    Well done 26. 5 out of 10 isn’t bad.

    I helped set up a Quiz Night 3 years ago, and I dug these out.
    If I was competing and had to answer them I would have been pleased and relieved to get 5! 🙂

  41. Red Arse says:

    Excellent Rocky,

    They are misleading questions really because you are given conflicting info within the question.

    There are loads more, but enough is un oeuf.

  42. goonermichael says:

    I got them all wrong. I thought it was one of those jokes about think people 🙂

  43. Gooner in Exile says:

    Lord Sugar on TalkSpite to criticise Opympic Stadium decision.

    What did he have to gain? Knowing he is in property was he going to be building flats etc there?

  44. dandan says:

    GIE He owns a load of shares still i believe, he was certainly involved in the bid.

  45. Geoff Strong says:

    I hope I am not about to invoke the commentators curse, but are you aware that Johan Djourou has not lost a league game for 26 matches, and he is fit for tomorrow 🙂

  46. Red Arse says:

    Ssh Geoff. 🙂

    Of course those 26 games are probably spread over 4 seasons knowing Jodu’s injury problems.

  47. mickydidit89 says:

    I scored -3.

  48. mickydidit89 says:

    Good news about Totteringham. They will be skint, and we still have neighbours to finish above.

  49. RockyLives says:

    Redders, Geoff
    You’re going off topic with all this talk about the team and tomorrow’s game.

    So I will try to bring us back on topic, by mentioning some of my favourite hair styles of past Arsenal players.

    1) John Jensen – the German porn star look.,370&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=494&oei=rGJVTdSbCIyr8Abgn8iXBw&page=2&ndsp=16&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:18&tx=48&ty=50&biw=1065&bih=579

    2) Charlie Nicholas – top mulleting.,r:5,s:0&tx=43&ty=59

    3) Paul Davis – the Grace Jones of football.,r:0,s:0

  50. Red Arse says:

    Hi Micky,

    -3 is a major achievement!! 🙂

    I said you were an incredible figure fiddler and you keep proving me correct. 🙂 (said while kneeling and waving arms in hopefully the right direction).–and no, I haven’t broken wind!!

  51. Carlito11 says:

    Only got one right RA! Good little Friday quiz that! Isn’t it lovely and light still! First time I woke up with light peeking through the curtains this year. Love it- another 3 points and an injury ravaged draw between Manchester and Surrey tomorrow and it’ll really feel spring like!

  52. Red Arse says:

    Rocky, excellent! 🙂

    Mind you, it’s just as well because you almost broke my computer with all those blue doodads across the screen!!

  53. Red Arse says:

    Which one did you get right Carlito?

  54. mickydidit89 says:

    I look at -3 and think: “could have been much worse”.
    Head and Shoulders, Barnet from earlier 🙂

  55. RockyLives says:

    Yes, sorry about those blue lines. They seem to have taken their cue from Charlie’s barnet and gone completely out of control.

  56. RockyLives says:

    I mentioned Spike Milligan earlier. After the discussion about him yesterday I definitely thought the spirit of the old Goon was evident in your very funny post.

  57. mickydidit89 says:

    Just noticed Utd v City tomorrow. That may be entertaining. Draw the obvious result for us.
    Have been out of loops for the past few days, so what is the news on JD?

  58. mickydidit89 says:

    Great post yesterday. Sorry was not around.
    Last night I did flick through yesterday’s comments, and you all certainly had a great day. It is one of the great achievements of this site how day’s like that can spring out of football.

  59. Carlito11 says:

    Jd is in training- read some speculation about him being wrapped in cotton wool for Barcelona but I can’t see that as he’s essential for his heading ability, so more needed against wolves than barca imo

  60. Red Arse says:


    Arsene says he has recovered but it seems he could play tomorrow, but might be held back until Barca.

    Who knows? 🙂

  61. mickydidit89 says:

    That’s great news. I had no idea things looked so bright. As for tomorrow, if he is fit, then play him. 1stXI for every league game I think.

  62. RockyLives says:

    Tomorrow we might line up as:
    Sagna JD Kozzer Clichy
    Fabregas Wilshere Song
    Walcott RvP Arshavin

    which is not half bad…

  63. Red Arse says:


    I thought I would try out a memory quiz yesterday and had some great responses. Carlito went all upmarket and quoted Shakespeare’s hamlet at me.

    When I said it sounded more like a Spike Milligan quote, Rasp picked it up and away we went with poems and quotes from the great man.

    It’s an International week and yesterday was great fun, I think.

  64. Red Arse says:

    I would go with that team Rocky! 🙂

  65. Carlito11 says:

    RA I knew the Canary islands one but that was it! Very poor show- back to the books for me!

  66. RockyLives says:

    I reckon Citeh are going to spank Surrey FC. Even a homer ref won’t be able to get Fergie’s men the points.

  67. mickydidit89 says:

    Really hope that is the team. If JD is not fit, I would drop Song into the back four and play Denilson. Don’t like Squil and Kos together. One or other, but never both.
    It certainly made me laugh reading through yesterday’s.

  68. goonermichael says:

    JD is probably fit for the Wolves game Mickey

  69. Carlito11 says:

    RL- I can’t see it being a spanking at Old Toilet- either a 1-1 or a close 2-1. but then the Blue Mooners might only want to play for a draw like the did at THOF in which case I can see the home counties winning 😦

  70. mickydidit89 says:

    Certainly City are my tip for second behind us!!!
    They have the squad which Utd don’t, as well as no CL distractions. Still, a draw would be ideal.

  71. mickydidit89 says:

    Hey GM,
    Long time.
    “Home Counties” 🙂

  72. Carlito11 says:

    Off to cook my “leek surprise”- catch you lot tomorrow

  73. Red Arse says:

    Reading the various Blogs lately I have been struck by fans picking up on Lil’ Jack’s comments about winning everything, I thought that in theory it could happen.

    Whether it was realistic is another thing.

    It set me to thinking what a wonderful language we have, “realistic”, “theoretical” etc etc. So here is a way to get these two into perspective!!

    –A small boy says to his father “Dad, what’s the difference between ‘theoretically’ and ‘realistically’?”

    His dad thinks and then says “Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if she’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid.”

    The boy toddles off and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would! She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”

    “OK son,” says his dad. “Now go and ask your sister the same question.”

    The boy toddles off, and comes back saying “Dad, dad, she said she would too!”

    So then his dad says “Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he’d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds.”

    The son comes back excitedly saying “Dad! Dad! He said he would too!”

    “Well there you have it, son,” said his dad.
    “Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid. Realistically we’re living with two tarts and a poof.”

  74. dandan says:

    Leak suprise???? thought it was only us old fellows got that problem.

  75. Big Raddy says:

    Don’t want to know what a leek surprise is. Does one rub it in or insert it?

    I can’t enter into the team debate because I have already written tomorrow’s post, but it is interesting to see RL’s team, if only to see a 4-3-3 as opposed to my 4-4-2 🙂

    Take out Vidic and Plug and MU are very suspect defensively, Evans is awful and we missed a bullet with Smalling (though TBF he is but a lad)

  76. mickydidit89 says:

    Very funny all of you!!!

  77. Gooner in Exile says:

    Interesting news when Cesc gets 500,000 followers on twitter he will give away 2 sears in his box for a game at the Emirates and then meet and greet the lucky two after the game, theres a good reason to be on Twitter

  78. mickydidit89 says:

    So, that’s final then, it will be Rocky’s XI, and it will be 4-4-2! Excellent, all happy.

  79. mickydidit89 says:

    Two Q’s then. What number is he on now, and how the hell do you work Twitter?

  80. goonermichael says:

    Hi Mickey

  81. Big Raddy says:

    GM. As a professional, how would you describe JW’s haircut ?

  82. mickydidit89 says:

    How’s things GM?
    Got to any games recently? Usual rubbish attendance figures from me. About six per season is the going rate! Thank goodness for liveonlinefootie!

  83. mickydidit89 says:

    Oi, behave!

  84. mickydidit89 says:

    That’s it from this end. Off out. The real stuff returns tomorrow.
    Have a great friday night one and all.

  85. London says:


    If you get a moment could you give us an idea of what you think Levy’s motives are for wanting legal guarantees that Wham won’t rip up the track. This is great, it is the first time in ages that I can ask a solicitor a question and not be charged £350 per hour. I was just about to write “Regards” and put my name lol.

  86. Big Raddy says:

    Micky, GM & I have history. Similar tastes in many things!

    X Factor coming on soon, so I better get in the kitchen and prepare SWMBO (she who must be obeyed) some TV fodder – a burger and fries should do it.


  87. Hi you all – thanks Redders for your quiz, that went down a storm today 😉

    Well done Wham, who asked if they would now be a bigger club than spuds 😀

    Don’t want to upset everyone but surely Eboue will need a run out – he’ll be playing on Wednesday night 😦

  88. London says:


    Peaches was thinking about a new name, I think she was concerned that the current name was a bit fluffy, in which case…..SWMBO….that should do it.

  89. SharkeySure says:

    I’ve had shit day, shit news on the new job front, followed by a truly shit journey home.

    Then I get home to an empty house, grab a drink and get on to AA.

    Suddenly I’m smiling and laughing like an 8yr old and the world is a sunny place again. Many many thanks Mickey !!!

    That was hilarious from start to finish. Top top quality !!!

  90. SharkeySure says:

    June Whitfield!!!!!!

  91. London says:


  92. London says:

    I think today’s post is the first one I have ever read three times…it gets funnier and funnier with every read.

  93. RockyLives says:

    Sorry you’ve had a crap day (until reading micky’s piece 🙂 ).
    Let’s hope the Arsenal boys cheer you up tomorrow.

  94. goonermichael says:

    Who’s JW Raddy?

  95. SWMBO ?????????? qué

    Sorry Sharkey about your rubbish day 😦

  96. goonermichael says:

    Hi Peaches

  97. RockyLives says:

    I assume BR’s referring to Jack Wilshere. But who knows, he could be talking about June Whitfield 🙂

  98. goonermichael says:

    Jacky’s hair is prety non descript. June Whitfeild on the other hand has legendary hair

  99. Hi gm – some of us know that you have expertise with respect to this post 🙂

  100. London says:


    BR 5:55 😉

  101. gnarleygeorge9 says:

    Top post MDI89

    As I read it I thought to myself, this will certainly stir goonermichael over to A-A for the day 🙂

    And don’t forget, Diaby is a better player with hair IMO. Theres no doubt about it, Diaby goes from box to box when he has the locks. Its keeeping him on the pitch thats the worry 🙂

  102. gnarleygeorge9 says:

    “the wet look comb forward” could not be as bad as the everything forward look


  103. gnarleygeorge9 says:

    Can anyone tell me if Electric Yellow & Strawberry Johan are in 4 2days game?

  104. London says:

    “Diaby goes from box to box when he has the locks.”


  105. London – as if it could be any other way 😉

    Sorry, gnarley you’ll have to wait until AW wakes up to find out if your favourites are playing. Hope someone comes on to chat to you, have a nice day. See you later x

  106. mickydidit89 says:

    Great to be back to the real business of winning the league.
    City/Utd draw, and how I wish Bent was still playing for Sunderland today against Spurs this afternoon.

  107. mickydidit89 says:

    10/11 and 4-4-2!

  108. Big Raddy says:

    June Whitfield??? Where did that come from?

    Micky. You have such high expectations 🙂

  109. Rasp says:


    New post …….

  110. SharkeySure says:

    Thanks for the ‘support’ guys, I feel like I was being over dramatic now. It was just one of those days really, no big deal !! Lol

    One of the commenters (26m-11.00am) said that Song looks like June Whitfield. I was just agreeing. June Whitfield is a comedy legend, firstly as a decent comedy actress, then in later years she parodied herself for the ‘young alternative market’.

    For me I can only visualise her in Terry and June.

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