Is it just me, or are player nicknames not as imaginative these days?
Or as intimidating?
In the past, fearsome defenders had fearsome monikers to put the wind up opponents before the whistle had even blown.
I’m thinking of Norman “Bites Yer Legs” Hunter, Stuart “Psycho” Pearce, Ron “Chopper” Harris, Julian “The Terminator” Dicks. Charlton Athletic’s Derek Hales had not one but two scary soubriquets: “Killer” and “Deadly Derek.” The big centre half Barry Kitchener at Millwall was known as “Lurch.” In these more refined times you have to go to World Wrestling Entertainment to find nicknames like that.
And if they’re too red-in-tooth-and-claw for our modern sensibilities, how about humorous nicknames? Again, I would contend they’re just not as funny as they used to be.
Who could resist a smile on hearing that Ray Parlour was “the Romford Pele” or that the former Palace and Watford player Fitz Hall was known as “One Size” (one size fits all – geddit?).
In more recent times Per Mertesacker’s nickname takes some beating: calling him The BFG (channeling Roald Dahl’s Big Friendly Giant but adding a healthy dose of irreverence to turn it into Big F_____g German) was a stroke of genius and caught on with the fans from day one, even if it took a while for Per to understand the joke (who’d have thought Germans would struggle with a sense of humour?).
So let’s look at our current first team players.
Aubameyang is Auba, Lacazette is Laca, Ozil is just, well, Ozil… I mean, come on! Surely we can do better?
I suppose Torreira/Terrier is just about acceptable (it works as a pun and sort-of describes his playing style). Doozy for Guendouzi might have some mileage (dictionary definition of ‘doozy’ – “something outstanding or unique of its kind”) but has it really caught on? Kolasinac is sometimes called “Tank”, which is fair enough (although often his defending makes him more ‘septic’ than ‘Chieftain’).
So let’s have a stab at coming up with some new nicknames for our boys. I’ll get the ball rolling, but please pitch in with your own suggestions:
Hector “The Protector” Bellerin (protects our goal from enemy wingers).
Pierre Emerick “BamBam” Aubameyang.
Rob “Small” Holding (it’s meant to be ironic, given that he’s 6ft 2in).
Reiss “Horatio” Nelson (heroic enough, but then does anyone know their history these days?).
Skodhran “Skoda” Mustafi (occasionally dependable but a bit slow and prone to breaking down).
Calum “Star” Chambers (another one for the history buffs).
Mesut “Kaa” Ozil (Kaa is the hypnotic snake from The Jungle Book: Ozil, at his best, seems to hypnotise defenders… plus there’s those big, bulging eyes).
Dani “Sasquatch” Ceballos (have you seen the size of his big feet?).
Alexandre “The Lion of Lyon” Lacazette (bit rubbish, but all I could manage. He was born in Lyon).
Gabriel “The Angel” Martinelli (simple, but I like it).
I feel a bit sorry for Joe Willock (who is a terrific prospect) because all I could think of for him was Joe “The Pillock” Willock, which is most unfair. So I won’t mention that one.
Come on you lot, help me out.
Or at least mention your favourite nicknames for players past and present (of Arsenal or any other club).
I’ll leave you with a funny anecdote. When Shola Ameobi was playing for Newcastle United under the managership of the aging and somewhat forgetful Bobby Robson, an interviewer asked him what the other players called him. The disappointing answer was “Shola.” Then the interviewer said: “What does Bobby Robson call you?” Ameobi replied: “He calls me Carl Cort.”
Thanks Rocky….Carl Cort 🙂 …brilliant
Bernd “baby face” Leno
Hector “the Trojan” Bellerin
David “Side Show Bob snr.” Luiz
Soc “the Rock”
Kola “the Bull”
Granit “Swiss Cheese” Xhaka
Matteo “Side Show Bob jnr.” Guendouzi
Dani “Enjoy Him While You Can” Ceballos
Lucas “The Terrier” Torreira
Mesut “The Eyes” Ozil
Pierre-Emerick “The Roadrunner” Aubamayeng
Alex “The Mongoose” Lacazette
Brilliant as per usual, Rockadillo, and so too GB’s swift counter. 😜
I have one which is pretty good — with an Arsenal connection ………… actually it’s pretty rubbish.
But OK, at least it will glean an audience of 1 — thank you in advance, dear Rock of Ages!!
I used to go to Arsenal games with a friend, who is a fellow Gooner, whose surname was Lau.
[The Chinese pronunciation of Lau — was, he told me, and immediately regretted doing so — is “Low’ — and he was forevermore referred to as “One Hung”]
God help any player who comes to Arsenal with that surname. [My buddy Lau’s face when he eventually realised why his moniker was One Hung makes me laugh, even years later] 😛
I think there was a lot of “Holding? Who’s he?” when we heard that AW had signed him. But as time has gone on, he has done well for us after a slightly iffy start to his Gunner career.
So, in fairness, he deserves the soubriquet “Rob Holding His Own” — you would have to have a rude mind to make anything coarse about that.
You have attempted to hoist the educational level to a new high, Rocky, with reference to the ‘Star’ Chambers.
Much better than common old Kangaroo Court. 🥺
Is ‘Swiss Cheese’ because when Xhaka plays, our defence is full of holes?
One Hung 😀
Reminds me of the old joke about the Irishman (I can make Irish jokes because I’m Irish, by the way) who read that every third child born in the world was Chinese, so he named his kids Seamus, Brigid and Chan.
And your Holding observations reminds me of the famous bit of cricket commentary (supposedly by Brian Johnson, or ‘Johnners’ as he was known) during a Test Match between England and the West Indies. The Windies had a bowler called Michael Holding and England had a player called Peter Willey, which led to the immortal line: “The batsman’s Holding the bowler’s Willey.”
I did discover one reasonably amusing modern footballer nickname.
Apparently Harry Maguire is called ‘Slabhead’ by his England team mates…
Seems fairly accurate.
Driving on a return trip to Leeds from London with a female colleague, I played the radio incessantly to while away the time. A guy referred to an iPod of old test cricket commentaries and recommended listening to ‘Johnners and Aggers’
At a motorway break, I set it up, and on playing it after I started the final leg of my journey, I was lucky not to have had an accident, or been arrested, because I laughed so much I had tears affecting my vision. It was when Agnew had said a batsman had tried to get his leg over, and Johnson had dissolved into infectious giggles. It was the giggles that creased me up. Do not drive and listen to comedy!!! 😂
I vaguely knew about Brian Johnson as I lived for a time in St John’s Wood, near Lords, and as a boy I went to the Grace Gate to watch the players and ‘celebrities’ come and go.
Thinking about it makes me laugh all over again – so thanks to you Rocky for reminding me!! 😳
Rocky, Granit “Swiss Cheese” Xhaka I will leave to your own interpretation.
RA, maybe you should be “one stood high” so that when you and your buddy turned up somewhere together everyone could remark “here comes one stood and one hung”.
Come to think of it by all accounts Rocky is also considered akin to an extra from Gullivers travels, so if it was the three of you he could be “one stood high 2″……… “Here come one stood, one stood 2 and one hung”…….has a nice ring to it don’t you think. I can never be part of your gang because “camels breath” just ruins the flow.
Thanks Rocky for the post. Being a girl this is easy, they’re either gorgeous (Giroud , Petit, Vela, Charlie George – showing my age there 😁, Thierry, Bobby, Frank, George Graham and many more) or hunky but not particularly handsome ( Adams, Keown, Vieira, Lauren, Sol Campbell – actually he’s both hunky and handsome ) you get my drift 😁
Now who wants to watch some spectacular Thierry Henry videos as we celebrate the anniversary of him becoming our top goal scorer …….
Thanks, Peaches, and good afternoon to you.
Thierry was one hell of a player.
Hi RA, hope you’re good, worth watching this again although the anniversary was the other day.
Can’t wait for football to be back.
As ever brilliant Rocky.
I have Granit Swiss Roll Xhaka having recently become a father.
Col Chester ever grateful for knocking out our neighbours,
Misfit Ozil 😢
Sue Arsenal vs City has changed to Sunday 15 hope u still attending
wow am screwed bought a train ticket to go paris on the 8th but they moved Westham game to the 9th damn
are train ticket easy to change
Fred.. yes I saw that & that suits me just fine!
RC @ 10:04 pm
Curl Luiz – Uzi Doozy – Misfit Mesut – RoboKola
That is annoying.
In the past, I have been caught out by date/game changes too.
Anyone watching the rugby?
I’ve got a dog in both fights today, being Anglo-Irish
Well see you on the 15th Sue 👍
Yea it is , really hope I can change the train date,
Still in shock every game I wanted to go change
PSG is looking more compact this year. If they come through their group in CL, they will be harder to beat.
Navas – Meunier, Marki, Silva, Bernat – Verratti, Gueye, Di Maria – Mbappe, Cavani, Neymar
Rico – Kehrer, Kimpembe, Diallo, Kurzawa – Herrera, Paredes, Sarabia- Icardi, Choupo, Draxler
Our full backs remain our weak point but overall, looking good and also playing more clinically and cynically…
RC.. Loved Di Maria’s 2nd goal 👌
Rc78 when will mbappe be returning,
With the new rescheduling of games that I wanted to attend might have to miss out on psg game
Watford were robbed!! VAR – what the hell!!
Get well soon, Welbz!
City playing without a recognised CB.. interesting! Aguero’s on the bench.. Zaha starts 😁
Watched Everton earlier.. that Richarlison, does he ever stay on his feet??? Drives me mad!
Yea Watford were totally robbed
Sue – Di Maria is in fine form since second half of last year
Fred – Mbappe is back
Yaya Sanogo scored for Toulouse tonight… In case you remember him
I saw that, RC.. I very nearly passed out 😂
Sanogo scores 3-6 goals a season so I can understand your feeling… Lol
Madrid is really playing poorly so far. They re missing a lot of players but still… I think they need a player like Eriksen, Pogba, Brozovic that can just bring the ball forward and create chances… At the moment, they re slow and some of their recruits are struggling like Jovic. Zidane may not be their coach by 2020 if he does not get his team straight
I think that when Klopp leaves LFC, he ll go to Italy and either Napoli or Inter…
France Rugby team has been like the England football team for the last 15 years.
Players play in the best league, are very good individually but struggle to perform when it matters under the France Jersey.
Is having a strong league hamper national team success?
Ceballos keen to stay at AFC apparently… I am not sure i am keen to keep him
Upamecano to be sold next year but do we need him since Saliba would be joining us…
Cavani exploring his options. I d like him to stay at Psg but if he leaves, I think he ll go to Atletico or Napoli… Unless Emery calls him up. The guy is a real warrior, goal scoring machine that could really add to our forward depth. He won’t play all games because of EPl demands and his age but would be a great asset…
Auba, Laca, Cava, Nketiah… I like it 😉
Rakitic ready to move in January… Shall we make a move for him? I love this player but would his recruitment hamper Douzi and Willock development?
Oh I’d love to have Cavani on board!
Is it really bad that I want the Mancs to win??
Another CS for st Etienne seem Saliba having a good effect
Sue I an all want United to win today
Nice to know I’m not alone, Fred 👍
Ok glad mbappe back really hope he stays fit would really like to see him,
Apparently the fee to change dates on my ticket is almost the same cost as I payed
That’s pricey then, Fred ☹
Gutted the Mancs didn’t hang on! At least Pool have dropped points… can anyone remember the last time Lallana scored?!! Sheesh, we’re not the only team goal droughts are ended against then 😉 (Palace next week.. Benteke… gulp!!)
Yea gutted i wouldn’t be going to west ham game
So why is it the league let us play on a Monday when we have a Thursday game
Second time they doing us this
William Saliba – MOTM by the way. Very calm and assured display.
With him coming, I think that it is the end of Sok and/or Mavropanos.
Possible CBs next year: Holding, Saliba, Sok or Mavro, Luiz plus Chambers.
Fred – I dont get it to be honest…
You’d have thought with only one game today, we could have played today instead of tomorrow.. only good thing is, at least we’re at home on Thursday!
Football is back 🙂 🙂 🙂 ……………..
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