TV Football Pundits Wanted. No Experience Necessary.

I am fed up with crap pundits. Really fed Up.  Back teeth fed up.

Take Sunday. What was the focus of the imbecile co-commentator? It was Flamini’s tackle and how he should have been red-carded. Same went for Souness the Arch-Hypocrite. Nothing about the fact that the referee, whose job it is to make such judgements, was two yards away and decided to yellow card Flam. They criticise Flamini for the tackle but not the referee for the decision. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Let’s start with Alan “Smudger” Smith. I used to chant this half-wits name.  More fool me. Had I known that he was a closet Spurs fan (can there be another explanation?) I would have given him short shrift. Hard to think that a man who scored the winner in Copenhagen could be so damning of the Arsenal. I cannot recall a single time when he has praised our boys in recent times – just this week he has questioned the bottle of our lads for the run-in. Why not come out before the Leicester game and admit that he wants them to win, at least his fellow Leicester striker, Lineker has made his preference clear..

Then there are the imbeciles who have played for West Ham – Lampard, Gale, Ferdinand and Cottee. Not a brain-cell between them and yet they are allowed to spout their biased nonsense to millions.

And the Liverpool mugs; Lawrenson, Thompson & Hansen (thankfully retired) Redknapp,  Souness, Macnamananananan and Owen. Dull, dull, dull – worse than that, ignorant and dull.



Thinking of stupid, how about Barton and Savage? Words fail me.

And don’t start me on how the BBC think Alan Shearer is in any way informative!

These blokes ruin my enjoyment of the game. That they are paid to do so boggles the mind.



I can understand why there is a need for an un-biased opinion in a PL game but why can’t we have a proper Gooner as our CL pundit. Get rid of that violent knob Souness or the inane grinning Lineker – let’s have Wrighty, Keown and Dicko – men who love the club. Same for the other CL teams. (Thierry is above criticism thanks to the decade of joy he gave me.)

There are some quality presenters; Gary Neville, Jeff Stelling, Carragher, Dwight Yorke, Bellamy, Tyler, Quinny and even Hoddle can inform and entertain but the general standard is lamentable.

Let’s end on a positive … James Richardson. If only the others could be as humorous, informed and entertaining. Sadly, they are not.

So … to sum up. I could do better than most, so could you.


67 Responses to TV Football Pundits Wanted. No Experience Necessary.

  1. kelsey says:

    They get 10K each,on Saturday on Sky for being a pundit.Nice work if you can get it.

    Don’t get me talking about that low life Savage.He is so lucky to have got a job with the BBC.

  2. chas says:

    Cheers, BR.
    I can sense the seething frustration pouring out of my PC monitor.

    I agree with all of what you said about the bad ones. Smith, in particular, has to get muted within 10 seconds of me knowing he’s co-commentator.

    I’m surprised you included Dwight Yorke, Bonnie Tyler and Glenda in your ‘quality’ list. 🙂

    I used to think Pat Nevin was ok. One of the worst as far as I’m concerned is Craig Burley as co-commentator.

  3. chas says:

    Tony Cascarino and Merson give me the eebie-jeebies.

  4. Eddie says:

    Thierry Henry. Oh dear.

  5. Big Raddy says:

    chas. You are right. Yorke,Tyler and Glenda are really crap but I wanted to create some discussion 🙂

  6. MickyDidIt89 says:


    My respect for fellow erect bipeds is not high at the best of times, so it is natural that your excellent rant strikes a chord.

    What annoys me the most is the view that ex-footballers are the right candidates for the job in the first place. In fact, make that any place.

    Their job is to communicate, entertain and inform. The first two are complex skills, and as for the inform bit, well any old baboon can grasp the “complexities” of foot ball. It is not complicated.

  7. chas says:

    What do any of them know about real football?

  8. Big Raddy says:

    Why is he wearing such thick pads? Because GK’s got the proper kicking they deserved … Oafs

  9. RA says:

    Before committing myself, and getting off the proverbial splintery fence, I am uncomfortable about what is construed as ignorant, stupid and dull.

    Most, if not all, of the pundits on the naughty boy list are ex-footballers and basically from working class backgrounds, and although they may not be academically inclined, they did have a physical talent that allowed them to play professional football at a high level.

    So to criticise them for being stupid or ignorant would worry me .

    You raise a valid rant 🙂 as they are often biased and not able to even pretend to be neutral – but it is the case that good footballers (and it is a moot point as to whether some of them were that) are not necessarily properly taught by the Beeb to broadcast their ‘professional’ thoughts in a coherent way.

    But they have been clever enough to employ good agents to get them onto TV and earn good money for doing sweet FA.

    That leaves me intensely disliking most of them for their poor broadcasting skills and their bias but not wanting to attribute it to stupidity or ignorance.

    Very good rant Big Eric, by the way. 🙂

  10. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Aren’t they rather like drummers in a band. Sit at the back, do your job, and shut up 🙂

  11. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Doesn’t bloody well worry me RA 🙂

    Mind you, being uneducated does not make you stupid.

  12. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Going walk a hound

  13. GoonerB says:

    Hahaha, pictures of Micky playing cricket, Kelsey surfing, LB in the stands, and now Chas in goal….or is it Ant….I can never tell the difference between those two 🙂

    Fine post BR, although I notice you did insult my doppelganger. £10k is an obscene amount for what most of them bring to the table.

    The thing is BR if you watch them carefully it is mostly lazy analysis even when you think they are getting into more technical areas.Once you step back and look at every tactical analysis you realise that only about 1 in 10 is actually informative or gets you thinking.

    Most of them just centre around lambasting the team that has conceded the goal, as if it is possible to prevent every goal and every goal scored is poor defending. Sometimes the defensive analysis is right but how often do you hear that term about the defending? It is the classic ex player analysis because it is easy to look at in slow mo.

    A classic example of analysis would be something like this:

    “now if we just freeze it here and circle this CD there. Look now, he glances over his shoulder and sees player A behind him but doesn’t respond to the danger and get tighter to him, so once the ball falls to him it is too late, poor poor defending….”

    This normally conveniently ignores that the CD was also looking at 2 opposition central players advancing towards the box and that to get tighter to the player behind him nearer the back post would leave a gaping hole in the more central area in front of the goal.

    It is kind of an have your cake and eat it analysis. Lets just point out something obvious but not point out why that CD couldn’t cover player A. They may as well just say

    “look if we freeze it here and circle the CD here and you see he glances over his shoulder at the danger behind him. Now why doesn’t he just freeze everything himself as we have here in the studio, and instantly recreate 2 clones of himself so one can cover the back and the other 2 can cover the 2 other central advancing players. Poor poor freezing and magical cloning skills there and something they need to work at on the training ground”.

  14. chas says:

    well any old baboon can grasp the “complexities” of foot ball. It is not complicated

  15. GoonerB says:

    It is easier to respect the view of someone has has tried management themselves.

    As much as I hate to admit it I do think Hoddle often gives the most insightful tactical analysis compared to others with their freezing and circles. He tends to bring other aspects to the equation and I do feel he has a deeper insight of the intricacies of the game and has a less British way of looking at the game.

    He does however sometimes struggle to keep bias out of it when it involves his former beloved club or his old traditional rival, namely us. As such Arsenal fans may be a bit more exposed to his weaker punditry moments.

    They need more decent punditry from managers or ex managers and I am not talking about Phil Brown or Pullis. They tend to harp on about your 2 banks of 4, and the getting in their faces, and getting stuck in (and we wonder why the English game, national team and British managers are constantly 2nd or 3rd tier to their overseas counterparts).

    How about paying for the flight of Ancelotti or Trapattoni and giving them £10k. We might get a different viewpoint.

  16. GoonerB says:

    Looking forward to a lesson from you Chas next time we both frequent the FFB 🙂

    Do I need to paint my a..e red for baboon tacical lessons? 🙂


    Nice one Raddy

    Agree with Redders. Nothing against them, I just dont like them because there a bunch of Knobs. They would probably think ime a Knob but the difference is I know ime a Knob, were as they live in some kind of delusion that women find them attractive.

    Hoddle is the worst. Unknowingly, he is a threat to society. If everyone one else had his overinflated ego and sense of importance the human race would have died out. In the stone age we survived through communication and self sacrifice. Those who didn’t give a shit about the group were eaten by mammoths or served as a coat rack for Neanderthals.For this reason I would like to see Hoddle wear suits, thousands of them.

    This weekend I am going to ring up Sky and ask how you apply for a pundits job. My CV speaks for itself. Egotistical, suspicious hair, knows f*uck all about football, and the ability to make the viewer squint at first sight.

    Throw in an ability to safeguard my £10 grand a week by feigning laughter at Stellings crap jokes and capability to stare directly at Phil Thompsons hooter without compulsion to simulate an eagle, there by causing havoc before landing on Mersons fat head, expect to see me there next week.

  18. MickyDidIt89 says:

    I’ve been thinking

    It’s Friday, and I have something to get off my chest. I’m bored of our football.

    Here’s the thinky bit, and I’ve done some sums to back up my theory. I’ve allocated the letter x to the total number of regular bloggers here on an average day. Letter y to the number of those regulars who I know fell asleep during the Bournemouth game.

    The letter z gives me a nasty stat. Scaling the ratio up to a full blown home game at The Ems, and I calculate that by the 70th minute of Sundays game, there could be 26,760 people fast asleep in the ground.

    A worrying state of affairs I would think.

  19. Hi all

    Thank you Raddy, wow you needed to get that off your chest 🙂

    I only watch MOTD when we’ve won and I’m only ever interested in what the pundits have to say if they’re really excited about HOW we’ve won. Safe to say the viewing has been a little bit poor lately.

    But I’ve realised that it’s not for my benefit that I want them to praise us, it’s for all the poor souls that aren’t Gooners, do you think everyone else feels like that too?

    I’m all for sharing fabulous Arsenal times but sometimes I’d rather they didn’t bother to talk about us. I am the girl that went to Tesco after we beat the scum 5-2 for the second time wearing an Arsenal scarf – got some pretty poor looks but did I care? 😉

    The Times has an article today about MOTD, it’s quite long but I could do a copy and paste job if anyone wants to read it. The best part is the comments section but unless you subscribe you won’t get to read those.

  20. RA says:

    Terry, 😀 😀

  21. RA says:


    That is horrifying news, but arrived at by a staggeringly intricate, and wonderful equation that was of an intricacy comparable to the proof of Einstein’s Theory of Relativity.

    I know people, led by the Big Raddish, Erik, think you are quackers crackers – but I am not so sure. 🙂

  22. MickyDidIt89 says:


    The secret to my success with maths as a tool for interpreting any situation is to always apply the same formula.

    Sure it leaves out the plus this, minus that divided by things and wotnot, but who cares, the answer is ALWAYS just as you wanted 🙂

  23. chas says:

    New Premier League Logo……………

  24. Eddie says:

    ‘Arsenal supporters’ group REDaction has called on home fans to join in the protest by applauding the late arrivals into the stadium.

    But Wenger urged spectators not to miss “a moment of happiness”.

    “Life is not every day fantastic,” he said, “Sometimes it’s boring, sometimes it’s difficult for many people.

    “Football is a moment of happiness in your life, so don’t miss it.”‘

    I am not sure I like the philosophical expressions of the French. Should he not concentrate on looking for a striker so he doesn’t miss out on one this summer?

  25. Eddie says:

    chas- Mr Motivator was talking on the radio last week saying how many Jamaican boys are playing football rather than cricket now. the reason being money – there is so much more to earn in footy

    micky – nothing wrong with your maths, sound algorithm if you ask me

  26. Big Raddy says:

    A sound algorithm, I think Floyd used one on Dark Side of the Moon.

  27. Eddie says:

    Raddy – did you write today’s rant?
    And failed to criticize TH14 as one of the worst TV pundits 🙂
    Excellent rant

  28. Big Raddy says:

    Eddie, I did mention TH …

    I think that with time he will develop into a decent pundit

  29. I feel that Alan Smith has been very fair and even handed in his comments about Arsenal, both on Sky and in his newspaper columns.

  30. kelsey says:

    For those of you who haven’t heard this today a guy had a £10.00 bet in September at 5000-1 on Leicester to win The Title .

    The bookies have offered him £3300.00 to settle now before we play them. What would you do if you were him.

    I am sure that the bookies as always have laid their liability off in any case.

    In theory he can actually only lose £10.00 and enjoy the ride.

  31. Rasp says:

    Sorry Raddy, I have only just had a chance to read your superb rant – Here here, I am in total agreement.

    Owen and Savage are top of my dislikes and I also share your opinion on smudger. Merse is another ex-player who struggles to find anything good to say about the Arsenal.

    Unfortunately intelligent British ex-footballers are in short supply so for some reason the TV companies choose to inflict morons upon us 😦

  32. Rasp says:

    I’d take the £33k Kelsey. When we beat them on Sunday, their offer will probably drop to £10k 🙂

  33. Big Raddy says:

    I would take the 33k then put 20k on Leicester at 9/4. If L. win he gets @45k plus the 20k back plus the 13k he won from the first bet.

    If they don’t win the title he is still 13k ahead

  34. Eddie says:

    but kels said they offered 3k not 30

  35. Rasp says:

    Good point Eddie, I misread it as 33k. 3.3k is not enough – let the bet ride

  36. Eddie says:

    🙂 yes! cheeky bastardos them bookies

  37. Gööner In Exile says:

    Evening all, fine fine rant Raddy, the list of idiot ex player pundits is quite rudculous, I’ve been impressed with the following modern era pundits (and ignoring off camera idiocy):

    Neville (G)

    That’s about it, I particularly like listening to Murphy on the radio he often tempers the “journalists” outrage with simplicity and reasoning from a pitch side perspective.

    Now I’m going to throw back to a couple of others Hill and Wilson, OK Wilson was one of our own but listen to this guy speak about anything and I could listen for hours, Hill was also brilliant, Pleat is often interesting as is Graham Taylor, oh and let’s not forget Jimmy Armfield, who never appears to have lost his love for the game. And listening to him when his Blackpool were promoted was perfect radio.

    Back to Wilson he was on Talksport on Friday, talking about his Willow foundation set up after he lost his daughter to cancer.

    He managed to convince me that John Terry who will receive a lifetime achievement award from the charity is a really good bloke. He also spoke on about five different subjects teams, players was constantly interesting and fair. Brilliantt stuff.

  38. Herb's Army says:

    Nice Post, Raddy, and a very appropriate choice considering how many pundits there are.
    It’s one thing breaking down tactical flaws for the watching audience to understand, but can’t people be made available from both the pundit’s and the club, so fans get a clearer picture of their club’s philosophy and tactical set up? We’re a global 24/7 newsreel that never sleeps anymore, eyes and ears on almost every square foot of habitable land. Football is a success because of the fans, switch them off or disengage them the essence of what makes it all special is gone.
    Hi GiE, apologies, I wasn’t deliberately ducking your question, just haven’t been able to get back before now.
    Any relationship between supporter and club is purely spiritual, bordering on fanatical religion. As you’re well aware, different clubs have different relationships with their fans, which can only be the consequence of geography and social structure.
    We differ vastly from the two North-West giants, United and Liverpool, but there are striking similarities between them both which have forged a unique bond with their fans.
    Both had their infrastructure moulded by Scotsmen, both have celebrated unparalleled success (compared to any other English club), and both have experienced major tragedies that have cost innocent lives.
    We don’t have that bond at Arsenal, and I don’t think we’ll ever get it, but there must be a point in our history when the club and fans were a lot closer.

  39. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Crikey, City playing Spuds tomorrow, and after our game, so we’ll know what result we need.

    Don’t panic, we’ll get straight back to taking the piss in a moment 🙂

    Do I buy a GPS tracking device for Dottie? Still not off a lead at home, but will soon. Then of course there are Moorland or beach walks.

    Was weighing up the pros and cons, then realized an added bonus is I could stick it in my Daughters bag 🙂

  40. Gööner In Exile says:

    Did Dottie used to walk off lead, I know when I used to do the Battersea Dogs Home audit that they only encouraged experienced owners to allow their dog to off lead, and never allow a rescued stray to off lead.

    We can’t off lead Alfie because he will just do his own thing, so we have a 10m line which we sometimes drop and then at least we only have to get within 10m to stop him by jumping on the line.

  41. Gööner In Exile says:

    This is why the Board won’t sack Arsene, he is the first from memory to actually talk about our prices across the board rather than let the media focus on top prices:

    is a very complicated subject,” he said when asked for his latest views on the ongoing row over ticketing.

    “Our most expensive price is a fraction higher than the other clubs in London. Our most common ticket price is lower than many places in England. I don’t think that we have a massive problem on that front.”

    He said it was “true we get more television income” than other leagues but said there was pressure to “pay for the players with a higher price”.

    He added: “You want the ticket prices to be as comfortable as possible for our fans. Our cheapest prices are cheaper than anywhere in London.”

  42. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Morning Mr E

    We don’t know the answer to that, but she will be off lead as soon as we’re confident she knows WE feed her, she’s loved and warm and likes it here, then hopefully she’ll choose to stay.

    Having said all that, we know of two people who have lost dogs.

    Oh, and my daughter is 15 going on 16, so time for Big Brother to step in 🙂

  43. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Only way is to give her a free run until she proves unreliable. Then throw the book at her (and a GPS)

    But what to do about Dotty?

  44. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Ha ha ha
    Oh, she’s proved unreliable alright 🙂

  45. Eddie says:

    GiE – you are right about Danny Murphy and J Jenas – they are very good. I had to get over the initial dislike and forget their criminal past 🙂

    GiE again – I don’t mind us being the most expensive club in the world, PROVIDING we buy a striker when one is needed.

  46. Eddie says:

    now to my fav subject – Dotty 🙂

    Don’t leave home without pieces of chicken or sausage in your pocket and do not eat it when hungry. Put D on a very long lead/rope and call her. When she comes to you – treat.

    And after you are sure she will come back – set her free.

    I have a very odd method of teaching my dogs not to leave me. When they are pups I let them go and hide. It is their job to find me. My dogs never leave my side 🙂

    No idea what to do about the daughter

  47. Big Raddy says:

    Just been told by Mrs R that I am being dragged off to a family get together lunchtime tomorrow:-(

    I have feigned illness too often to try it again. Could be tricky.

    Wouldn’t have mattered if we had a normal Kick Off time. Bloody Sky Sports.

  48. Eddie says:

    raddy – can’t she go on her own? let her off the lead, she’ll come back 🙂

  49. LB says:


    Start coughing immediately, go to the toilet more often than usual, maybe take a book (Invincibles) Ask about the current supply of paracetamol. Later in the day, squeeze in the suggestion that you wouldn’t want to pass what you have on to anyone else, who knows it could be contagious.

    Last tip, don’t get caught buying extra beer, this has been the down fall of many “ill” man.


  50. Big Raddy says:

    Both suggestions received with thanks.

  51. Eddie says:

    you welcome Raddy 🙂 so what are you going to do? Please don’t tell me you are going to miss the game??

  52. Big Raddy says:

    Eddie. Unless I can figure out how to get rid of the GPS fitted to my ankle, that may well be the case 😦

  53. chas says:

    Missing the game would be far less stressful.

  54. Eddie says:

    oh ffs, just divorce her, you cannot live like that 🙂 🙂

    anyway, I have been trying very hard not to spill my joy on here, but I cannot – I am going to have a grandson!!!! Granddaughter is not allowed to be a Gunner, but a boy!! yes!! yes!! yes!!

  55. MickyDidIt89 says:


    An hour before departure, pour out some white washing powder onto a table. Make some long lines with a credit card. Put a rolled up bank note next to it and act unbearable. Or dead.

  56. Eddie says:

    or dead 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  57. RA says:


    You need to start training well before going out with your hound and letting said critter off the lead. And it is easy.

    Step one: Place your ass comfortably on settee.
    Step two: Get son (or daughter) to hold dog 5 paces from you.
    Step 3: Call dog – son let’s go – dog runs to slobber over you, and is rewarded with treat, and ;loads of fuss and praise.

    Repeat above until dog gets the idea. Then the wide open spaces becomes easy – even with distractions.

    I do not want to over-complicate things for a non-tactical bollix man, like you, but it might be wise to train dog to ‘sit and wait’ if she does not already do so. Then son or daughter or passing stranger does not need to hold dog until you call her to you on settee.

    Simples? 😀

  58. Big Raddy says:

    I thought some folks had volunteered a post for today. Better have a look under the hood …

  59. Eddie says:

    RA – have you actually tried this approach yourself 🙂 From my experience dogs behave differently outdoors

    Anyway, back to boring football
    Mehrez said in an interview that last year’s fight in the relegation zone made them stronger and more resiliant, which is the secret to this season’s success. How would we feel if we were in a relegation zone for a season or two? Does that mean that Chavs are going to run away with the title next year?

  60. Big Raddy says:

    GIE has come good with a little Amuse Bouche…

    There is a New Post

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