What is going on?
First we read that David “Moisty” Moyes claims he could have signed Mesut Ozil this summer but didn’t need him.
I’m sorry, but that’s all I can say to that.
Moist felt he was so overrun with creative attacking options at ManUre that he did not need the world’s best assist maker. Not when he had Cleverley and Carrick.
Ahahahahaha. Oh my! Oh me!
Yes Moisty, we all believe you…
But the fun didn’t stop there
Next he told us that he “nearly” signed Aaron Ramsey when he was at Everton.
Young Ramsey (who in those days was merely The Welsh Parlour, not The Welsh Messi) was being heavily courted by Sir Apoplexy Ferguscum and our own fine manager at the time.
I’m sure in those circumstances – being chased by Europe’s biggest team and by an outfit from Manchester – that he did consider a possible move to Everton.
He would have considered it in this way:
Agent: “Aaron, Everton have come in for you.”
Aaron: “Hahahahaha! Oh me! Oh my!”
But what is hitherto unknown is that Moist’s talent spotting started way before these recent efforts.
In 1998, when he was managing Preston North End, he ran the measure over Dennis Bergkamp but decided he was “too blonde” and at the time he already had a lot of blonde players in his team.
Taking up the helm at Everton in 2002, he quickly thought about bringing in a young Cesc Fabregas from Barcelona, a whole year before Arsenal snapped him up.
“Aye, I looked at the lad,” said Moist “but he was too two-footed. I had half a team who played with their right foot and half who played with their left. What would I do with a lad who played with both? Where would he fit in? Bloody Spanish freak!”
Fast forward to 2011 and Moist was offered the services of one Santi Cazorla from Malaga.
“What do I want that bloody midget for?” he asked. “If I want a wee small fella I’ll get that fella from Game of Thrones. He’s a mean little fooker. Like David Batty only taller.
“In fact, better still, don’t bring me ANY midgets. Get me a giant beanpole with an afro. I don’t care whether he can play or not – we’ll save money on dusting the dressing room ceiling.”
I’m not sure whether Moist is trying to indulge in mind games before Sunday’s match between the league leaders and a mid table team at Old Toilet, but implying that Ozil and Ramsey could have signed for him is just pure fantasy.
I have seen a few pieces on the internet postulating what a First XI would be if it was made up of Arsenal and Manchester United players.
Most pundits have seven Arsenal players in their starting line-ups, with only De Gea, Shrek, Brave Sir Robin and football’s most odious man, Patrice Evra, making the cut for United.
When I look at the two teams I can say with hand on heart – and not as one of my habitual wind-up-the-enemy comments – that I would not take a single ManUre player into a combined First XI.
Of course Rooney is a good player and BSR is sublimely skilled, but neither complement a team in the way that our players complement our team.
De Gea is having a decent season but look how many he has let in compared with our outstanding Pole in Goal.
And as for Evra v Gibbs – well, Gibbs is as good as the Frenchman and the Frenchman loses automatically in a tie-break for being a humungous twunt.
What do you think? Would any ManUre players get in your combined XI?