“Calm down, calm down,” as Ga, Ba and Te from Harry Enfield’s ‘The Scousers’ would say.
When I use the phrase “100% Certain” what I mean is 100% certain NOT to happen.
There may have been stories in the press and on the internet over the last couple of days suggesting that the Uruguayan masticator might be heading our way for a cool fifty million, but PUR-LEEESE…
Brendan Rodgers could not be more of a Muppet if he had Jim Henson’s arm up his arse, but even he is not that stupid.
I imagine that Liverpool’s strong start to the season will soon fall apart like a kid’s toy on Boxing Day. It looks all shiny and exciting on Christmas Day, but then the working parts stop working, bits start to break off, the wheels (literally) come off and finally it’s abandoned in the corner, never to be played with again.
But even if ‘Pool are well placed in the Premier League pace by January, this transfer could never happen.
For one thing, the long-suffering and perennially optimistic Liverpool supporters would be up in arms. Those poor fans have had to put up with so much manure, false promises and even falser dawns over the last 20 years that selling Suarez to a “rival” (I know, don’t laugh) could be the final straw.
Never mind our Black Scarf movement, Anfield could be brought to its knees by a black ‘tache-and-perm protest of the like not seen this side of Saddam Hussain’s personal bodyguard.
The facts just don’t add up.
For a start, the Liverpool hierarchy were clearly deeply offended at our attempt to land El Munchio for what we thought was his release fee plus a quid. Apparently, according to some observers, this was “disrespectful” and we should have bid a million pounds more than we thought we needed to just to be nice.
I don’t know what sort of world these observers live in, but clearly it’s one with diamond encrusted armchairs and champagne glasses made out of the frozen tears of nightingale chicks if they think so little of a million smackers.
Personally I think it’s good that our club is not so profligate as to p*ss away such a large amount of money to make a bunch of pseudo-Scouse American millionaires feel a bit better about themselves.
Nevertheless, the episode clearly left a nasty, Ivanovicy taste in the mouth and did nothing to foster good relations between the two clubs.
I’m sure our Board of Directors are still mulling over the unsubtle barbs that were sent flying their way by John Henry and his cronies (apparently, in response to Henry’s comment that “I don’t know what they’re smoking at the Emirates,” Sir Chips Keswick was heard to say: “Well obviously we’re smoking hand-made Cuban Ramon Allones Estupendos. What are they smoking in Lancashire? Marlborough Lights?”).
So, that’s hardly a propitious starting-point for us trying again in January, is it? If ‘Pool were to sell Suarez it would more likely be to Real Madrid than to us.
But in fact it does not make sense for Liverpool to sell their best player to anyone in the mid season transfer window.
With Manchester United in freefall under the iron flipper of Gollum Moyes, Manchester City unable to decide whether they are world beaters or panel beaters, Chelsea struggling to convert their free-flowing skilful attackers into Mourinho robots and Totteringham providing the laughs for everyone, this may be Liverpool’s best ever chance of getting back into the top four.
I think they’re unlikely to do it, but without Suarez there is absolutely no chance.
It might even be a resigning issue for Rodgers if his Board insist on selling the Uruguayan without his support
So, I’m sorry to say, the little fellow will not be coming our way in January or ever.
We may buy a striker in January but it won’t be him and I even have my doubts as to whether we’ll buy anyone.
The signing of Ozil shows we have moved our shopping habits from Lidl to Harrods and I’m not sure how many strikers will be available in the January sales at Harrods. I happen to think that, barring injury to Giroud, we will not add to the squad at all.
What do you think?