Dear Arsène ……………..

Dear Arsène

DidIt here again.

Couple of quick things today, Arsène. A Striker and a Manager.

First up, the striker. Giroud.

Remember Arsène, ‘twas I what put you on to Ollie in the first place. You agreed, and signed the cheque. Then, in his first season, I helped you out, Arsène. Kept telling the unbelievers who were calling for a crosser to supply Big ‘Ol, that along the ground was better. Hey presto, look where his best goals and passes come from? Yip, feet.

Anyway, how do you repay this, Arsène? You spend part of the summer trying to sign that Higwayne bloke. What was all that about then? Not cool, Arsène.

As they say: The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, or as I like to say, Arsène: We’ll only see who’s not wearing a bathing suit when the tide goes out.

Talking of strikers, you’re going to love my little conspiracy theory, and it ties in nicely with our next topic: Managers.

Down the boozer post Naples game, I was informed that Maureen actually blubbed like a baby at the news of Moyes’ appointment, and then immediately disappeared in a strop for four days. Actually, Arsène, when we cast our minds back to last season, it was kind of sickening how much Maureen was sucking up to all and sundry at Old Toilet. “Let’s bury the hatchet Fergie, we’re all Mates now. Utd are a great club”. Dribble, dribble.  Yeah right, Maureen, you slippery reptile.

Anyway, on to said theory. First thing our little Iberian Serpent does when arriving at his second choice club, is set about unsettling Utd and Moyes. In goes the very public bid for Rooney to begin his pathetic, jealousy ridden assault on Utd. Then to my mind, Arsène, the best bit. What better way to undermine Moyes, than to prove Everton are better off without him, so he posts Lukaku up to The Scousers. Has to be the strangest transfer of the summer, surely.

So, Arsène, if you can think of a better reason as to why Chelski so inexplicably got rid of him, let alone to Everton, then I’d love to hear it. You have my mobile number, Arsène.

Sorry it’s all a bit rushed today, as there was something else slightly nagging me. City and Hair.

Just get the feeling there’s an issue up there. Only learnt yesterday about Hart and his shampoo ad. Mancini was more than a bit girly up top, and now this Pellegrini fellow. Can’t help noticing there’s a sniff of a 70’s centre parting deal going on. Makes me wonder whether those lads in Powder Blue really have their minds on the job. I sense an opportunity to leapfrog that lot this term while they’re in front of the mirror. Something to ponder, Arsène. Dull day ahead and whatnot.

Okedoke, Arsène, I said it would be a quick letter, so there we have it. A great week for all. Thanks Boss.

I remain Sir, your obedient servant.


71 Responses to Dear Arsène ……………..

  1. mickydidit89 says:

    Ha ha NG
    Remember, I live in wet Devon so I could give you a damn good run for your money

  2. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Didit did it again, a quickie but an oh so goodie, well done Micky.

    The thing your Johnny foreigner doesn’t realise is, there is little or no tide to go out in the mediterranean, so when they come here their nakedness is all too often exposed. 😀

  3. mickydidit89 says:

    Fair point NG

    Also, we know very well Maureen enters the ocean sporting a thong and almost certainly in leopard print
    Ghastly Man

  4. Big Raddy says:

    Love the line about the tide.

    The Lukaku loan is strange.Why play AW for a mug with Ba and then sign a faded Eto’o? Perhaps Moaninho is so deluded that he believes Torres will come good. Hard to understand why a club would loan out it’s best striker

    Your explanation is as good as any

  5. mickydidit89 says:

    Seriously, I don’t believe all is well at Chelsea. Maureen would rather be somewhere else, there’s the Mata thing as well as Lukaku and the poor dear has already has his first press conference hissy fit

  6. Norfolk Gooner says:

    BR, here’s a theory.

    Moaninho really wants to be manager at Old Toilet.

    Deep down inside him he hates and detests Abramovich and burns with resentment at being sacked by the designer stubbled scruff bag.

    He is astute enough to realise that Gollum will make a complete sow’s ear out of the silk purse left by Old Rednose.

    So here’s The Cunning Plan, waste the Russians dosh on Eto, send his only decent striker out on loan, unsettle Mata, player of the year for the last two seasons, lead The Chavs rapidly down the table. Get sacked again in December, just as Manure give Gollum the boot.
    Ride into Manchester as a knight in shining, but ever so slightly tarnished armour with a great big bag of Roubles in compensation.

  7. mickydidit89 says:


    Works for me

    The site needs elite level lateral thinking conspiracy theorists, and you are certainly in the gang 🙂

  8. arnie says:

    Fantastic, Micky. Your posts are amazing.

    The theory about Maureen (fantastic name by the way, reminds me of 118 118) is fantastic. NG takes the conspiracy theory even further. I had the same feeling last year, that the Portuguese gangster was sucking up to ManUre. But ManUre were not brave enough to take him. Good for us, because this guy is cunning, and has a good sense of all the nasty bits in the business. A true gangster.

    Of course, he was always going to make drastic changes in Chelski. Schumpeterian creative destruction! He is too full of himself, so he has to destroy all the good bits, and then try and build in his own way, in the process demonstrating to Old Toilet what they missed.

    Moist supports him through his own incompetence, and hey presto! We need to continue to support Moist! Can we send a couple of our kids on loan? Or can we perhaps offer Sir Robin one-on-one coaching with Arsene? Or can we offer a loan to allow Moist bring in another player? At market rates of course, one cannot be patronising!!!!

  9. arnie says:

    Has anyone noticed Michael Palin’s prediction on Football Focus? ha ha ha, good fun!!!!!

  10. arnie says:

    on the matter of loans, given the large profits that Arsenal are accumulating, they can become an informal moneylender within the EPL. Or perhaps even make this formal and start a bank!!!!!

  11. chas says:

    Thanks, Lord DidIt.

    I’d heard that the Abu Dhabis see long, slightly poofy hair as a sign that the coiffed one has magical powers guaranteeing success.

    Talking of conspiracies and rumours, did anyone else hear the one about Mata shagging Mourinho’s sister’s daughter’s pet coypu.
    Explains a lot.

  12. arnie says:

    chas: nothing like a tasty rumour Saturday morning/ afternoon. Had not heard this one earlier, but now have! good fun!!

  13. arnie says:

    still on the money-lending/ banking business: loan recovery is not a problem, just let Ozil loose on the defaulters.

  14. Colin the Coypu says:

    Oy! Chas, it was me doing the shagging!

  15. chas says:

    Colin Mata?
    I’m not buying that.

  16. Colin the Coypu says:

    As a mata of fact us coypus have a saying “Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it”

  17. GoonerB says:

    I will tell you exactly what is happening; Moist, Maureen and the designer stubbled one are actually alien reptiles posing as humans with an agenda to destroy the EPL from within.

    Our only salvation can come from David Icke who has learned how to self reproduce. As we sit here now one David Icke is on his way to take over Russia and as a result take over the state owned football team, known to many others as Chelsea F.C. Roman reptile will be ousted and sent to a Siberian prison where the deep chill will affect his cold reptilian blood that will mean that he can only move at a pace of 1m every 10 years.

    Maureen aka “the special one” will be replaced by the second David Icke and sent to live with the specials and be forced to listen to 2 tone ska music 24 hours a day until his reptilian ears decompose.

    Moist will be replaced by David Icke number 3 and will be sent to live in Middle Earth where he will play out the “lord of the Gings” for the rest of his existence. He will become largely known for staring at a picture of a Shrek type person muttering “my precious” frequently.

    Sorry Ditit for the poor effort but I am just not very good at elite level lateral thinking conspiracy theories.

  18. Bayonne JeanJ says:

    Lukaku again! Abramovich must be wondering just how far Maureen’s head was up his butt when he decided to loan him out.

  19. GoonerB says:

    Sorry to be so rude but Micky could you thank your cousin Didit for me for a marvelous post.

    I think we will have to wait till Terry comes on to discuss the hair issue. Even GoonerMichael bows to Terry when it comes to insight on Bouffant related issues.

    I actually got caught out by the tide going out once like you mentioned didit. There i was minding my own business in my birthday suit, not realising how quickly the sea was disappearing, only to here some screams and shouts of Aargh its a monster. Thinking I was about to be devoured by some pre-historic sea creature I crapped myself and sprinted back up the beach like some great white Linford Christie. It was only later after many frequent admiring female glances and 2-3 requests for a date that i realised what had actually happened.

  20. jeff wright says:

    All good knock-about stuff these Maureen theories however it should be noted that Wenger’s never won a game against the odious one.So let’s hope that it’s Arsene who is laughing after the Capital Cup Tie .

  21. arnie says:

    As far as I am concerned, League Cup is for the Arsenal kids, and perhaps Chelski and Maureen …. and the kids will have a good show, dont worry

  22. chas says:

    Happy Invincibles Day

  23. jeff wright says:

    Thank’s for your views arnie , I’m not worrying though , however we have heard all this kids stuff before . It’s time to stop hiding behind excuses now for Arsene . I want to see him beat Mourinho in that Cup Tie . It looks to me that the Capital Cup is Arsene’s best hope of winning some silverware this season.

  24. arnie says:

    Jeff: thanks. I would like Arsenal to win against Chelski (home and away) in the League, and in the Champions League if the tie arises. League Cup is for our kids, we need it for their development, plus we cannot allow our first team players to play extra games. Having said that, given that Maureen will probably field his first side, we may see and Arsenal side with a couple more first teamers in the League Cup tie.

  25. chas says:

    100% agree, arnie.

  26. Happy Invincibles day all 🙂 😀 😛

  27. arnie says:

    nice one, chas!!!!

  28. arnie says:

    Happy Invincibles day!!!!

  29. jeff wright says:

    This league cup tie is for the kids claim is the reason why Wenger has never won it .Although he did put out a first team against Birmingham in the final and lost.
    When you play Tottenham or Chelsea at home , in whatever game it is ,you have to go for it local pride and and all that . The kids should play in the youth cup.
    Wenger is not going to win the Champions League or the Prem either this season ,so he should take the domestic cups more seriously after 8 years without winning anything .

  30. Thanks for the video chas 🙂

  31. chas says:

    Anthony Taylor in charge of dippers v palace.
    Just the mere sight of him turns my stomach.

  32. RockyLives says:

    Very funny Micky 😀

    Happy Invincibles Day everyone 🙂

  33. evonne says:

    Is there an end to your madness Micky? I hope not, this is just so hilarious 🙂 I sincerely hope that Arsene reads your letters and has a ROLF too.
    I am not sure what’s up with Maureen, you might be right about him hating Roman and wanting to go to Manyoo, I don’t know and don’t care for as long as they all suffer in the process. Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself is my motto.

    @4:37 I was on my way to sunny Poland. And guess what I have heard here? Well, well rumour has it that we are going to bid for Ballotteli, who wants to come to Arsenal. True? Let’s hope not

  34. arnie says:

    Palace has let us down. Come on, Sunderland, new manager, positive vibes and all that. And come on ManUre, we are yet to fully discover the depths that you are capable of, and new manager as well, In Moist We Trust!!!!

  35. weedonald says:

    God help us but there seems to be too many Gooners with too much time on their hands today!!!
    someone mentioned Torres and I’d take him in a heartbeat, since under Wenger’s tutelage, he’d be back to his best in no time. He is still a very skilled player but has lost confidence and isn’t percieved by his teammates as being worth much as a striker. I know that with service from Giroud, Ozil, Ramsey, Cazorla, Wilshere and company he would be resurrected and deadly!

  36. Colin the Coypu says:

    Wee One,

    With service from that lot Lazarus would be resurrected.

  37. Colin the Coypu says:

    Peaches, you need to change the banner, at least until 17.45 tomorrow. 🙂

  38. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Colin the Coypu has left the building!!

  39. evonne says:

    come on Sunderland!!!!!!!!!!!!


    Nice one Micky

    I dont really go with these conspiracy theorists. There probably conspiring to make up a conspiracy. I dont need any one to tell me who shot JFK. I have it good on authority that after harmless japes from the rest of the band, Ringo was going for the tyre but unfortunately got it a bit wrong.

    Mourinio probably wanted the Utd manager job, but i reckon he let Lukako go because hes under pressure from his Lord and Master Abramovitch to produce good football. If Mourinio had his way he would spend £80 million on Peter Crouch

    Pellegrini has just got a shit wig thats all. What excites me about this is that a terrible toupe wearer tends to have an awful personality, so i am hoping this will affect his management.

    Ive had my spells. During my Paul Michael Glasier phase i became so tight with money that everytime i purchased something from a shop there would be a stand off with the shopkeeper as to who would release money or goods first. It got so bad that at the end i would have to take a mediator with me when buying a packet of fags.

    Up The Arsenal

  41. arnie says:

    OK, results did not go to plan. Plus, ManUre found a kid from thin air! So damned what! Arsenal has to win tomorrow, and then: On with the show!

  42. chas says:

    Owen’s voiceover on this is so exciting make sure you are wearing your incontinence pants before you click play.

  43. Gööner In Exile says:

    Bloody Palace/Everton/Sunderland that’s not the kind if way to make my weekend rock.

    Oh well last week we did what we have needed to do for a while get three points when others have dropped, this week it’s get the points to stay ahead.

    First test for our champions mettle this season, come back from West Midlands with another away win and three points in the bag and we can really start believing.

  44. chas says:

    What happened to “simply put you have to enjoy both in equal measure”?
    Do we lose belief if we fail to get 3 points every game?

  45. arnie says:

    chas, GiE: Head stays high and outlook remains optimistic, smile on face, and up for a fight!!!! No matter what happens tomorrow. But in case our results are in our hands, and we will win. We live to fight on!!!!!!!

  46. arnie says:

    Defence looks fine to me, only worry a bit about deliveries upfront. But the form we are in, even without Sagna, we will be great…..

  47. Gööner In Exile says:

    Chas, I’m not giving in to any belief that we might pull this off………yet….the hope that kills you and all that. I am just enjoying the ride and current form and in May we will be where we will be. I can’t do anything about it.

    But if the team emerge with three points from tomorrow I may start weakening and become a fully fledged goat botherer with Terry.

  48. arnie says:

    well, even if not great, we will be good enough…… 😀 😀 😀

  49. LB says:

    I am well into the believing stage.

  50. arnie says:

    LB: agreed. this ride is not for the weak and not for the faithless. Let the rats remain in their burrows. ha ha ha

  51. LB says:

    The Everton game told us all we need to know about why Chelsea loaned Lukaku out; he was exciting in the first half but as soon as battle really began in the second half he went AWOL, you can’t win the title when your key CF has that kind of mind set and as much as I dislike Maurinho he knows that as well as any of us.

    And here we arrive at the fundamental difference between Lukaku and Giroud; our Ollie may not have the silky skills but he will fight with everything he has until the final whistle of every game.


    Our belief has already been vindicated

    Did we lose key players this summer? Did we not buy smartly and big? Are our established players not improving? Are our younger players not maturing?

    If we go on a bad run and the critics have there day, it will not shake my belief or confidence in the manager, players, and club

    On our current Road, nothing, and i mean nothing, can stop Arsenal from becoming a major force in English and Europeon football

  53. chas says:

    Believing we are going to win the league after 6 games seems absurd to me.

    Belief in the team is something entirely different.

    Did the results today really change what we have to do tomorrow?

  54. arnie says:

    Well said, LB, Terry, chas. I think we are all speaking about belief in the team. I have not watched Lukaku today, and probably wont watch, so cannot comment on him. But what LB said about Giroud, I agree 100%. In fact, I would go even further and say this hard working, never say die attitude holds for all the first team players. And this has been the major change since the later half of last season. They are going to fight till the end, and this is the best one can do really. I am happy, and would be a believer, in this feature of the team.

    Plus, what we have seen last week is also that, having gone 2-0 up, they can play a game of containment. This is really brilliant. So I will continue to believe, no matter what happens tomorrow, or any other day, so long as the team gives its 100% on the field.

  55. Gööner In Exile says:

    Chas not change what we have to do, but change again the stories that surround our club. I am sure there are many a journo and blog sniper hoping for a bad result tomorrow so they can come on and say….

    “See…papering over cracks”


    “Typical Arsenal apply some pressure and they fail”

    Etc etc.

    Last weekend we made hay while others faltered, now we need to show our pedigree when others have won to silence these critics, West Brom will be no pushover three points away at OT tell us that.

    And anyway it’ll be after 7 games tomorrow can we believe then? 😀

    LB didn’t see all of the City game watching the first half I thought Everton were unlucky not to go in ahead, thought the ref didn’t help them but he was poor both ways. Agree on Giroud certainly leaves it all out on the pitch every week. Last minute Tuesday night he was still making a near post run.

  56. chas says:

    Just received the following from Ant via email……….

    The Mirror has been viewing the deliciously accurate swingometer on AA

    “As brilliantly as the Gunners and Ozil are doing, they’ve yet to hit a truly tough run of fixtures.

    Indeed, even if they win at West Brom tomorrow and beat Norwich in a fortnight they will still have picked up three points less than in last season’s corresponding number of fixtures, when they beat Aston Villa, Spurs, Stoke and Norwich at home and Fulham, Sunderland, Swansea and West Brom away and therefore will finish in the Conference.”

  57. chas says:

    So winning tomorrow will silence the critics. Yeah, right.

    Last week we won at Swansea. It was feck all to do with any other results that day.

  58. arnie says:

    Keep up the ante, with a smile on the face. On withe the show!!!!! 😀 😀 😀

  59. Gööner In Exile says:

    Now the Mirror has used it I’m never publishing it again 🙂

  60. chas says:

    We want the swingometer now.
    It’s the only thing that keeps my optimism cautious.

  61. arnie says:

    where exactly is the swingometer?

  62. evonne says:

    Per yesterday:

    Abschlusstraining vor dem Westbrom Spiel morgen. Wir sind bereit! Ihr auch?

    what’s there to worry about? They will be ready, we can relax 🙂
    As if…..
    why do all those ‘rubbish’ teams play so well this season?

  63. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Nice to see Alex have a decent game at last. Barca getting full value for the €13+m they gave us.

  64. Gööner In Exile says:

    Evonne are they playing well/better than previous seasons, or are the “better” teams getting worse?

  65. Soo true we are desperate for another striker with decent hair! Have a read of our West Brom preview to get you in the mood for today! COYG:

  66. Räsp says:

    Morning all …..

    ….. New post …….

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