Before we begin, may I firstly explain for the benefit of those of you not fluent in Swahili, that the title of todays’ post translates as: “No more worries”. The reason is simple. I have unearthed the solution to all our problems.
Let’s crack on. Right now we are third, but frankly it’s an only just, and that is because we have not been stretched by long runs in other tournaments and we have had an injury free season from our star pupil. To improve on this situation using the same formation, I believe we need more effective wide boys, and an improved back-up striker. This poses a number of problems. The back-up striker cannot be better than Robin, and while he must be an improvement on the current benchers, he still needs to be good enough to challenge Europe’s best defences in the event of a Robin injury. Improved wide boys will cost and present the same pecking order issues.
As if this is not enough of a headache, I would like us to play two strikers. Bad news: I say 4-4-2 not sexy enough. Good news: we can now buy a world class striker to play alongside Robin and this will make Robin happy while we the fans will see more goals.
Even better news, I know how we can adapt the system AND afford the new personnel. We invade Spain and grab a striker, then switch to 3-5-2.
Oh do stop rolling your sodding eyes and hear me out. I’m the bleeding expert here. Jeepers.
Look, due to the financial turmoil in Spain, the Telly Companies are offering 50% (tops) of the current fee they pay for Football Rights, and to make this situation even better for us, the top rate of tax is about to go through the roof. This means wages are going to be a massive problem for clubs. So, we get Benzema. Simple.
Now the 3-5-2. Brazil and Argentina won World Cups using it. Juventus are top of Serie A using it. And if that’s not convincing, Wigan use a version also.
Here’s the really good news. It will be a whole lot cheaper than bringing our current system up to scratch. Mert looks crocked, so my guess is he’ll be off. There is talk of Vertonghen. Guess what, the missing piece in our super footbally back three. He’s six foot, two and half inches. So he plays in the middle.
We no longer need new wide boys, and we certainly don’t need your M’Vila’s, as the DM role goes out of the window. Hooray for that.
(Changing tack for a moment, I’m watching the Bayern Madrid game as I write this. If I was the Ref, then before I blew the starting whistle, I’d jog on over to Ramos and show him a straight red. Save time. Just saying.)
Interestingly, I think all our Full Backs (Gibbs, Santos, Sagna and Jenks) are all better wide boys than our wide boys. They are also all better attacking full backs than defensive ones. In other words, they are perfectly suited to the 3-5-2.
Now the middle men. Again we are perfectly suited for this system. No more DM’s, just two good tackling/intercepting/footballing sorts and their back-ups. Jack, Arteta, Song, Ramsey and Coquelin. All completely interchangeable.
(Just back to this Madrid game. As the Ref, how about stopping the game in full flow. Walking up to Ronaldo and giving him a Red. “Ooooo, Weffewee” she’d say “what did I do?”. You could then just shrug your shoulders, roll your eyes about a bit and say “Dunno really. Just bored”.)
The middle man. Strangely this role becomes less pivotal than in the 4-3-3. In my little layout, I’ve put Ox centre. That’s because I like him and I’m in charge. However, here again, we have options. Rosicky and Diaby.
Up top, we have back up in Theo and anyone we can’t flog out of Bendy, Cham, AA and Gerv. We like our books to balance, Benzema won’t be free, and Robin needs a fatter envelope. Sorry, that’s life.
Finally, the great thing about this system is that it’s brilliant.
Written by MickyDidIt89