Picture this. Its 18th Century London and crime is rife in the capital. Muggers and looters stalk the wealthy Streets and Avenues of the City Centre. The biggest killer? Not the small pointy blades of the outer city Hoodies. No. It was the Gentlemen who still sported the longer reaching swords, and could thus pick off their chosen Hoody from a safe distance. The Cads. Or were they?
This is the same merry bunch who thought up the worlds’ greatest games and sports, and then enshrined those in Codes and Rules ensuring fair play and gentlemanly conduct. It is also from these roots that the English developed their sense of justice in the sporting arena. The idea that it was in the taking part that the sport was to be found, and from here we developed our affinity with the underdog.
I like to think that everything about The Arsenal encompasses these principles. Or do I?
You know what, I don’t really. There’s nothing I like better than a touch of underhand dealing. A little skullduggery. We know there is underfloor heating beneath the pampered feet of the home dugout, but not so for our guests. We know about the shrewd dealings of one Sir Henry Norris. So what’s next?
At this point I need to fess up that the inspiration for this post came from a quite brilliant comment yesterday by GiE (7:43 am). We all know that City pay for Adebeyor to play for that lot. Well, GiE’s masterplan was for us to get the bloke on the same terms, then effectively short weekly loan him out to play for whoever is taking on the Spuds that week. Genius, simple and effective I thought. For me, this is Sir Henry Norris level thinking, and frankly, I’d like The Arsenal to start thinking more laterally.
It appears to me that there are two pressing areas in which we should direct our plans. The first is, quite obviously, to ensure home advantage to the max. To this end, we have to optimize the effects of Winter. We all know how darkness descends the over the land as the first half draws to an end, and the cold easterlies explore our exposed extremities. Perhaps we need to exaggerate the effect with thermal control over the visiting dressing room, while pumping in relaxation sound effects to weaken their resolve.
The second is to land the striker that we cannot afford. Now bungs seem a little old hat, so perhaps there are “extras” we could be offering our selected targets. The Leveson Inquiry would appear to offer some inspiration here in ways that may make “persuading” agents, managers and players to believe that the right thing to do would be to jump ship to The Arsenal at vastly reduced expense. A rigged photo here, an incriminating phone call there. Just thinking aloud here.
So come on. Think up lads. I know I’m not squeaky clean in this department. The lighting in the Wiff Waff Club is heavily rigged to favour one end, and I know where to start the “eeny meeny miny moing” to win the toss, and as back up I also own a double headed coin. There is room for some shrewd thinking here. I happen to know there are many fish eaters on this site, with correspondingly enormous brains. So let’s put it to good use. Any ideas?
Written by MickyDitIt89