10 Reasons to Feel Optimistic About the North London Derby

1. We have the world’s number one goalie, as some of us have been saying for months (ahem, some of us, that is, not including me. I was doubtful whether young Szczesney was ready, but his sheer authority and ability this season has shown that I was in the minority for a good reason: I was wrong).

2. We have the BFG. He’s looking more assured every game and I, for one, have been surprised at his tactical and foot baling quality. I was expecting him to be a big solid lump, effective in the air – but he’s much more than that. (And given that the BFG is a Roald Dahl character, it’s interesting that he’ll be up against some other RD characters tomorrow: The Twits.

3. The BFG will be partnered by Alex Dimitri Song Billong, who was absolutely outstanding in the midweek CL game.

4. Even when decimated by injuries, we have players with the power to hurt any opposition. If Theo starts, I expect him to shred them like stir fry vegetables. And just when they think they can’t get any more shredded, we’ll throw in an Oxo cube.

5. We have the best away fans in the country and their mighty noise will be boosted by the acoustics you always find in a public toilet.

6. Robin van Persie is the most in form striker in the world (or maybe just behind Messi). Either way, expect him to bag a brace tomorrow.

7. We are, according to many pundits, the Underdogs. Can you believe that? What does that make them – the Overcnuts? Anyway, I always love it when we’re the underdogs because it’s usually when the Arsenal’s true quality comes through.

8. We have the best manager in the world. They have a tax dodger whose face is made out of melted wax.

9. We have more class than Hackney’s biggest comprehensive. They don’t know the meaning of the word.

10. After the freakish nature of some of our recent results against them (including goal-of-a-lifetime moments from nomark players never heard of again), Lady Luck is due to turn her smile in our direction tomorrow.

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