Right chaps, I’ve got some info that’s going to make your day. Have you ever worried about your testosterone levels? Well, I’ve been doing some research on all of your behalfs and there are some very simple ways for you to make sure you never have to worry ……….
What actually happened was, having been banging on about the perceived ‘lack of testosterone’ on show from our team I went delving into the depths of male hormones on the internet to see what I could discover.
Obviously, raised levels of testosterone and other performance enhancing hormones are detectable by testing but what if the reverse was happening to our players? I quickly dropped the idea that some sort of doping was going on although when you see how the team come out after half-time it would be easy to suggest that they’ve definitely had something slipped into their tea.
Red meat. How much Red Meat do our men get to eat? Now I know that everything about red meat points to unhealthy diet but lack of fat affects concentration, something that we’ve long worried about with regards to some of our players. Our chaps do lead a pretty healthy existence so why deprive them of the calories and the taste. Reduced fat is all very well if you have sedentary job but these guys burn up calories for a living and so I say give them meat.
Not wanting to bore the pants of you with too much science you’ll know that testosterone is useful for ensuring that you have a fulfilling sex-life, deep voices and hairy chests. Many of you already know the perils of having too much testosterone as that is responsible for hair loss in men. Here’s a little test you can all do. Research has shown that women – who have low levels of testosterone, generally have their index finger the same size as their ring finger, whereas in men the ring finger will be longer than the index finger because they have higher levels. Have you all had a look?
Now, while it was great fun to think about the size of the fingers all the men I knew it wasn’t exactly the truth I was looking for. I don’t know enough about the strict eating regime that Arsene instills at the club but I do know that many of our chaps are bred to be lean so that they are quick. Maybe it’s only the girls that notice that some of our players physiques change dramatically during their time at the club but I feel that maybe the lean, low-fat approach is damaging to our fighting spirit on the pitch.
Seriously, this isn’t as mad as it sounds, research into the effects of testosterone and competitive behaviour suggests that testosterone increases competitiveness and risk taking and surely that’s some of what we’re missing. I’m not criticising the players here, maybe it’s not their fault entirely.
We know that Arsene’s new regime extended the playing careers of several players when he joined the club and I’m all for healthy eating but we have witnessed a dumbing down of assertiveness, tenacity and sheer bloody minded fighting spirit and something needs to be done to reverse this trend.
So, Arsene if you’re reading, Zinc is the most natural way to increase testosterone levels and can be found in oysters, beans, red meat, turkey, brown rice and cottage cheese. Do men even eat cottage cheese? Foods rich in vitamin A and B also bolster testosterone levels these include apples, pineapples and citrus fruits and spinach, carrots and red peppers, salmon is filled to the gills with it, eggs contain it and bananas have the added benefit of potassium which helps to produce testosterone.
Alternatively food parcels should be sent to The Arsenal Training Ground, London Colney, Hertfordshire.
Written by peachesgooner