Never mind what the newspapers say or what “inside sources” claim to know, there’s only one sure way to determine which of our supposed transfer targets have a realistic chance of joining Arsenal.
I refer, of course, to the arcane art of the anagram.
Mystics have long believed that rearranging the letters of a person’s name can reveal hidden truths about them and their destiny.
So it’s no surprise that Maggie Thatcher converts easily into “That grim EEC hag”; or that Tony Blair PM is “I’m Tory Plan B” and President Boris Yeltsin became “Isn’t one terribly pissed?”
So, with this in mind, I have run a few of our alleged targets through the anagram scrambler and the results are quite revealing.
For example, it becomes obvious that Gervinho was always going to be coming to N5 once you realise his anagram is “In H. Grove”.
Likewise there’s no chance of us ever signing Kevin Doyle because, quite simply, he is an “Evil Donkey.” Not that we needed an anagram scrambler to figure that one out.
And Jermain Defoe – “No Jedi, Me Fear” – was always a non-starter. With only three league goals last season the Force was definitely not with little Jermain.
However the powers of anagram are capricious and don’t always make things so clear cut. I’m in two minds about what their insights tell us about Per Mertesacker, the big German defender. As a “Pecker Streamer” does that mean he’s a long streak of p*ss? Or does it mean he’s going to p*ss all over the opposition? Tough one. Maybe he’s just got an STD.
No such ambiguity with Christopher Samba, I’m afraid. “Chamber Pot’s Hairs” tells it’s own story. He may be a big strong centre back, but if he joins us he’ll be as welcome as a pube on a toilet seat.
Nor is young Dutch defender Jan Vertonghen coming to us, as his anagram makes clear: “No have Jnr gent.”
Gary Cahill on the other hand gives you everything you want from a central defender. We often talk about needing a CB who is a tower of strength, a man mountain, rock solid at the back. Well, Gary is “A Hilly Crag” and that’s good enough for me.
And if we need some back-up to come off the bench when Alex Song gets hurt, there is an intriguing possibility in the shape of AS Saint-Etienne’s Blaise Matuidi, whose letters unscramble to reveal “A timid sub? A lie!” Fierce substitutes – that’s what we want.
Finally, to add some goal threat, how about Wigan’s Hugo Rodallega? Is his anagram – “Good large haul,” a hint that he would win the Golden Boot if he joined us? Hard to tell. Maybe he’s just a prolific angler in his spare time.
Anyway, given that it’s well known how Arsene Wenger leaves nothing to chance in his preparations, I have little doubt that he devotes an hour a day to analysing the results of his official AFC anagram scrambler, pondering over the hidden meanings of results such as:
Wayne Rooney – Nan Were Yoyo
John Terry – Re JT: Horny
Nemjana Vidic – Maniac Jived
Dani Alves – Anal Dives
If you have got this far, thankyou for humouring me with this untypical post. Sometimes the seriousness of everything is such a drag that one tries to lighten the mood.
And I have no doubt that if you’re so inclined you can easily outdo my anagrams in the comments below…
SickyLover
Note from admin:
It is likely that the site stats will pass a million hits today. How befitting that we celebrate this landmark with another brilliantly amusing and innovative post from RockyLives. Thanks to all the great authors and contribuors who have made Arsenal Arsenal such a success. COYRRG
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another great post rocky
I’m sorry if I interrupted this fine post, just want to publish a brilliant picture of Arsenal new signing..
likely? = )
Rocky,
What a delightful and wondrous Post. As I have stated before, you have a special talent, and thank goodness you allow us to share in your whimsy! 🙂
Naturally, I am intensely jealous, and I will probably sulk all day because I did not think of this first, and if I had, I could not have done it anyway! Damn!! 🙂
Nice one!
Despite the usual dross in some areas of the media, the team seems to have some very good things happening! Cahill would go a long way to pleasing everybody though. Might help with flogging the rest of the season tickets also. Bums on seats is what it’s all about for the board, so hey, why not gentlemen!
Rocky I’m afraid you are wrong. Clearly it’s a dodgy gelled mullet that tips the balance, Cham and Gervinho the most recent.
looool……..that was fucking halious,” chamber pot hairs” really got to me……”evil donkey” was just lol ammo…
no need to decode Arsenal transfer plans. It’s go for the cheapest option possible. The board are tight wad and always have been, It’s no wonder our transfers are so hard considering we offer the lowest amount possible then haggle over pennies.
First thing that KSE needs to do is tell the old farts in the boardroom to pissoff.
Wenger gets on my nerves but he is a good manager and does pretty well with the budget given to him but i would like to see a new manager next season i think the whole set up at Arsenal has gone slightly stale and needs fresh ideas and more motivation.
One question,
Am I the only one getting really fkn annoyed by all the Barcelona players constantly belittling Arsenal and mind-fkn Cesc Fabregas?
Seriously – the level of disrespect is crazy.
I used to like Barca, but now – there IS no other team in the world that I hate more.
Great post did you work all those anagrams out yourself?
Dari
I’ve hated them for quite a while now. They are the mancs of europe.
Rocky,
There is an alternative for ‘Vertonghen’. He could be “Shit hot Gunner”!! 🙂
Of course any small anomaly in the above is a result of poetic licence, akin to the “Boris Yeltsin became — “Isn’t one terribly pissed?”. OK, OK I knocked off the ‘President’ bit, Rocky, but that did not fit my scenario! 🙂
SickyLover – that is hillarious ‘Kevin Doyle (…) is an “Evil Donkey”. Not that we needed an anagram scrambler to figure that one out’ – classic
Darri – you are right, their persuits of Cesc are bastardly.
Hey Icky Lovers, what a fantastic, witty post. Totally entertaining, an absolute joy to read 😛
Brilliant post Rocky that has pushed us over the million already!
I’m sure bloggers are currently shuffling letters in search of witty anagrams, my favourite little Russian (see my avatar) translates as ‘Havin Darn Arse’
Morning RA 😛
great funny post
Hi GIE, 🙂
It has probably been lost in translation, but you will have to humor me by explaining what you were alluding to when referring to a mullet (a grey fish) in the following epiphany, “Clearly it’s a dodgy gelled mullet that tips the balance, Cham and Gervinho”.
What were they doing trying to balance a gelled grey fish?
Honestly, you must think I am green around the gills! 🙂
Quality rocky,
I love the dani alves and kevin doyle ones….
And your right all this transfer stuff is a drag, I think the window should be for 1 week only a year, get it over and done with quickly…….
Looks like we’ll miss out on cahill and samba…….i’ll judge in december as i have said, but i will be so frustrated if we miss out on those targets…….or were they not……..
So frustrated will have to do as wenger’s RH man does
Tap (my feet) & Crie (out loud)
Morning Rasper and you Evonne. 🙂
“Bastardly” Evonne? Your erudite prose deserves to be preserved in aspic! 🙂
RA, GiE is like a cyber swallow, he just has micro-sleeps inbetween incoming comments. I can only keep up with him for a day, or two 😛
Peaches – you are ‘Enjoy on a gun’ and ‘he’ is ‘Mind Vodka’ 🙂
I am m ‘Now OK akin ache’ – which probably means that I can be a right pain in the Arse, very true
Morning all.
Very funny Sickylover. 🙂
My favourite anagram was always for Chesney Hawkes being Cheesey Whanks, but it may have just been overtaken by chamber pot’s hairs.
Looks like a hilly crag may be going to the chavs.
http://bit.ly/qEH8cP
Hi Kelsey, 🙂
That is a useful reminder. I think I remember the Rasper saying the drinks are on him.
Mine’s a cool glass of Veuve Cliquot, please! 🙂
A Senator Tall, 🙂
By the way, TA, what decided you to put the adjective after, rather than before, the name in “A Senator Tall”.
It actually works better! 🙂
Hi RA, one of my favourite books is ‘A man in full’ by T Wolfe. It sounds so much better, grander than ‘a full man’. A Senator Tall sounds to me like a man beleaguerd with adversities standing strong against every single one of them. Not that this is a reflection of my current state of life 😉
Nice one TA.
You are correct, ‘a full man’ does suggest someone who has eaten indulgently, whereas ‘a man in full’ suggests the life and times of a man in the round.
That is why I was curious at your choice of construction.
You are a whizz at understanding English language nuances! 🙂
Thanks RA, for a full man you should go back to the video I posted last night (La grande bouffe) 😆
Have you read A Man in Full? If you have not I recommend it to you. It is quite a tour de force, and not as good as your and my beloved War & Peace, but it might help you take your mind of things 😉
Over one million hits for AA! Well done to all and a particular thank you to Cash Pee and Spar!! 🙂
Quality post ! Rocky gave me a giggle
Blogging in the AM is accompanied by a cigarette and espresso
In the PM it is just a night time cigarette.
I think lack of sleep is actually just my body waking up to top up on nicotine.
Very funny, you the best, please keep it up.
Thanks for being a gooner Rocky ! But in which ever way ,let Arsen Wenger buy good defenders and one utility player that can play attacking and defensive for us.
Soooo funny SickyLover……you obviously have FAR too much time on your hands (LOL)
Funny !!
Anyone else struggling to get in?
hmm
Angelic Lash aka a hilly crag, nice video 🙂
Is everyone having problems with Arsenal Player
they can’t get anything right. wankers
http://www.footnow.info/
TV captain excellent
Really funny post Rocky! liveonlinefooty has the stream of the game if anyone is wondering and have given up on Arsenalplayer… Just watching the first 20 mins ion my lunch break 😉
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL lol
1-0 Ramsey penalty 🙂
Perhaps they weren’t expecting lots of people to log in at the same time. Utterly pathetic.
Didnt make it back for kick off is the stream working?
I’ll watch when I’m home on delay
No, OEG.
Afternoon all!!
Great post SickyLover.
WG
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES lol
Arsenal player back up just in time for Theeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo.
2-0
Arsenal player is working now
I don’t have to listen to john barnes anymore
I’ve got the Arsenal player linked to my TV in HD. very impressive. Shame about the start.
Arsenal Player hopeless, live on line footy is fine.
Why can’t we get rid of denilson?
Good day all.
Is Denilson playing??
Great finish Vela
What a peach 🙂
Xavi is a twunt.
denilsons contribution was telling. Telling us to sell him.
I enjoyed that.
gm
classic 😀
That’s very polite Rocky when in actual fact he’s something much worse than that.
Carlos Vela MotM for me
Hi Rocky, GM, 🙂
I enjoyed that run out too.
The Denilson thing is odd, given he said he wanted to leave.
Early days, of course, but I have always rated Vela and given a chance and a confidence boost he could be the business. Compared with Chamakh he looked really threatening.
Did you watch the game Rocky?
we aim to please Rovky 🙂
Oh, and Ryo Myaichi looks like a real nugget. That boy could go all the way to the top! 🙂
Miyaich and Jenkinson look good. I’m looking forward to seeing Gervinho
hi RA BTW
Dear Ser (Red Arse – geddit?)
Did not watch the game – am officially working, just checking in now and again.
So glad you’re back – feel free to ignore the email I sent you.
READERS (RA) @10:22 – aspic is hygroscopic, a much stronger substance is needed for my foul mouth 🙂 You have only been back for 5mins and already telling me off….psssshhhhhhh
Thomas
Thanks for comment.
What’s that Balotelli pic all about?
Rocky – a wishfull thinking fan, not that we need more trouble makers
Hi ‘Over Lickys’,
Thanks for the brainteaser of a post, we’ve positvely burst through the million barrier thanks to your efforts.
I agree Rio and Jenkinson looked good, and I like Frimpong – so much better than Denilson.
Rocky, my dearest old thing, I replied to your very welcome email yesterday. Have you had a peek? 🙂
Evonne, tell you off? Never! 🙂
I was amused by your new word (Bastardly) and suggested it was so original it should be preserved.
Aspic is a form of jelly which cuts out oxygen and can be used as a preservative.
A play on words, nothing more. 🙂
TA,
Sorry for not responding earlier, (did not scroll back and missed your enquiry).
After reading ‘Bonfire of the Vanities’ many years ago, I have read almost all of Tom Wolfe’s books. He is a quite brilliant author and highlights many of the social issues of the age.
I am pleased you enjoy his work too and am even more in awe of your linguistic capabilities! 🙂
I am applying the logic to the gone and the outbound and there seems to be truth….
As if under a strange influence he shut his eyes at the wrong moment and missed the one ball that would have made him a legend
Nicklas Bendtner – Entranced Blinks
He’s been in er more often than george clooney
Tomas Rosicky – Sickroom Stay
he might work harder for a few more sheckels
Denilson Pereira Neves – Readies Enliven person
He has taken the piss out of us and must now hit the road
Manuel Almunia Rivero – Immoral Urinal Avenue
His team mates question his ability to play
Sebastien Squillaci – Allies Basic Inquest
Like a big girl he can get on his bike
Gael Clichy – Hi Cycle Gal
He makes no sense at all even in an anagram
Emmanuel Eboue = Me? One a blue Emu
D98,
That is absolutely brilliantly thought out. I loved them all, especially the Clichy and Eboue anagrams. Amazing!! 🙂
(Mind you I haven’t checked them all, and if you have cheated like I did, I might have to down grade you!) 🙂
Superb D98 😆
Red Arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello, I was going to give you a good telling off for disappearing without a word but I noticed that evonne was positively brutal in her Red Arse whipping so I’ll just say that I’m really so pleased that you went on a little trip to the states 😉
Hi Peaches, 🙂
I did email you, yesterday. But thank you! 🙂
D98
Top, top quality. Genius, even.
Tomas Rosicky – Sick Room Stay!!!
I tell you, the truth is in them there letters.
This may be my last post until early next week as I’m moving tomorrow and no broadband until monday. I’ve been lent a little mobile internet dongle thingy but so far i can’t get it to work 😦
Catch you on the other side xx
D98, that is so witty, I love it. Poor Almunia though – Immoral Urinal Avenue – is going down the drains if it is up to you 😦
RA, good to see you (and other AA’ers) in such a good form today. Just shows what football on a pitch, rather than endless talk about it, can do to our morale.
Re literature, if you have any tips for me, then don’t hold back 😉
Francesc Fabregas – BFC Arses anger AFC
That’s brilliant Geoff: a masterpiece 🙂
Stumbled across this blog and I really impressed with the level of intelligence on here.Makes one wonder if bbc 606 was indeed for sixth formers.
Would anyone like to do a little match report for tomorrow on the Malaysia game ………. anyone who managed to watch in HD on their tv for example ………..
gunnartastic – you’re very welcome to join us anytime 🙂
I’d love to Peaches unfortunately I’m illiterate 🙂 .
I thought of one 🙂
Kelsey denilson was on for 20 minutes. Made a defensive cock up and stormed off down the tunnel. Chamakh was his usual self laying most balls back, short. I think he lacks a bit of confidence. Vela scored a good goal but was guilty of some serious overplaying.
Miyaichi, Frimpong and Jenkinson all look good. Jack is going to be World class. I don’t like the away kit. It’s obviously not selling in Malaysia.
Off to dinner. See you later
Kelsey @7:44 – ha ha ha, fantastic xx
RedArse @5:17 – I thought you were playing a mind, not a word game 🙂
Isn’t ‘bastardly’ a word? Ha ha ha, I was sure it was 🙂
Right now I am so frustrated, I am in the wrong and shouldnt rise to it and its all my own fault…slap myself down and 1000 lashes……
Dont fall for it, its made up, its talkshite at its best and “graham barca rent boy hunter” has really gone and done it…….
Hunter confirmed that Xavi confirmed cesc is in a living hell and wants to leave……
But also:………..
Not only is cesc so desperate to leave he would be willing to go to man city if they met the asking price……..
Reasons given:
1. Wenger promised one year and would let him leave…..
2. Trophyless
3. Very poor medical staff
Right reality check time, tried that, I really want to just ignore, but right now, i actually feel cesc must speak on this and not leave it anymore……..
This is too much, that he is that desperate he would go to city ??!!!
AAers Please ignore me I am ranting………..Cesc please answer….
Hi Harry,
I listened to that piece on TS and was disgusted that Sam Matterface allowed himself to be shouted down and overpowered by that gobby pro-Barca idiot. It was clear that SM was triyng to make the point that Barca had officially endorsed Xabi’s words by publishing them on the website and in doing so been disrespectful to Arsenal and possibly contravened UEFA rules, but he allowed the conversation to be steamrollered by his guest and redirected as an attack on Arsenal – disgracefully poor journalism
Harry – I listened to that verbal diarrhea tonight too. I was equally upset, both with Xabi and Cesc, but most of all Barca. Cesc probably did say something to his mate, Xabi exaggerated it slightly, Barca blew it a little bit more and that’s even before it landed on Talk Shite radio. So, I would not be surprised if there was little substance to the whole story.
However, there is no smoke without fire and Cesc must have said something. He has had us hanging on for long enough, he is our skipper and he has to explain, one way or another. That much he owes us
Harry, evonne,
Cesc can’t really say anything. He is in an impossible position because he knows that unless Barca come up with a realistic offer, he will be at Arsenal next season.
If he comes out and says he wants to go to Barca and then stays he will lose the support of Arsenal fans and if he says he wants to stay and we sell him, he will not endear himself to the Barca faithfull. His only choice is to keep schtum.
We still don’t have a post for tomorrow, anyone fancy putting together a small something…………….
Peaches I’ll try but it might be an early morning arrival.
As for Xavi/Cesc stuff we have already seen today how JWs words were made into something they were not. I wouldn’t be surprised ifthis is typical Barca PR machine trying to up the pressure. If he is that unhappy and would go to City Barca have just given themselves a rival in a bidding war that they could lose.
Thanks OEG – sounds like a utilities company doesn’t it. I don’t know how long I’ll have internet in the morning, but I can always go to evonne to sort it if Rasp isn’t around so can you text me.
peachesgooner = wonderwoman 🙄
Evening all
Cracking post SickyLover.
Give Surrey a good shake and burn down Chelsea’s Cobham training ground whilst you’re at it !!
Hey Antifouling, hows tricks…??
OEG. Lol
Hey Eleventh Endogen. Surrey Shake says he still loves you !!
He’s my ‘alter-ego’ don’t you know !!!
Anyway, I’m really off now. (Clue!?)
Night all
Wow
I mean they never should have let him go at all but
Francesc Fabregas Soler = Barca’s Careless Offering
I have just read the interview that Xavi gave and in an attempt to give a bit of perspective I offer this: Xavi was interviewed at the launch his own football campus, the significance of this being his own rather than a Barça gig is that he needed the publicity. In the same interview he doesn’t just spout off about Cesc he is equally outrageous in his suggestion that Bojan would have to leave if Barça were successful in signing Sanchez. Can you imagine Cesc giving an interview saying that Bendtner will have to leave if we sign Gervinho? My take on this is that in an attempt to gain as much publicity as he can for his campus, Xavi has embroidered (Cesc suffering etc) the well known story that if Barcelona made Arsenal an offer they could not refuse the club would sell Cesc.
Morning all
Gooner in Exile has written a brilliant post for today and I’m grateful that he stayed up late to do so.
I’m not going to be around to nag but we do need some posts in the store cupboard for the coming days so please write up your thoughts and send them to arsenalnuts@live.co.uk.
If someone wants to volunteer to write up something about the coming game on Saturday for Sunday that would be good.
London thanks for that, its good to see some perspective.
Peaches, glad you liked it.
Morning peeps.
Apparently this is a leaked copy of Luka Modric’s transfer request. 🙂
http://ow.ly/i/eirz
Chas that is superb!
Morning OEG and all,
The conversation between Cesc and Xabi was probably somewhere along these lines :
X: ‘Cesc, what would you do if Arsenal sold you to City?’
C: ‘Then I’d go, what else’
Xabi to press: ‘Cesc told me that he wouldn’t rule out move to City’
Press statement: ‘Cesc wants to move to ManCity’
I still think that Cesc should come out and say something and most definitely decline the suffering and City stories.
Will Cesc and Xabi friendship survive that? I know what I would do to a mate if she/he put me in a similar position. This is unless Cesc agreed to it, as TalkShite presenters suggested last night?
Morning all,
Evonne, you might be right, but I think the whole thing is gone too far now, its absurd…….
I agree with you and rasp about the interview last night, matterface should have told him to shut his face…….
Barca should not have put it on their website, i have no issue with Xavi saying it that will happen, just barca publishing on official website.
If arsenal is so bad he is that desperate to leave we need to know why? Hunter made some bold statements, that need refuting……..
Harry, you sound so upset 😦 Don’t be, I guarantee you that Cesc didn’t say anything like that
Who is Hunter?
Graham Hunter spanish correspondant, cannot stand him……
Whereby usually I take most statements with a pinch of salt, this statement is quite astonishing…….to say he would rather go to city rather than stay………..
I know i shouldnt take notice…….
Harry – is he the bold egghead?
Harry – is he the bold egghead with broken nose?
Anyone following Cesc on Twitter will see he commented on Velas goal yesterday must admit I was surprised he bothered watching bearing in mind how much he wants to leave.
Harry – is he the bold egghead with broken nose, speech impediment and syphilis?
“Graham Barça rent boy Hunter”
I can’t top that, it says it all really
…yeah, he is a bitch, hate him too
Morning all,
New post ……
Yes all he is the barca rent boy egg head with broken nose, spoeech impediment and syphilis……..you all know him then……..Anyway must read GIE’s post, thats up early today….
Cyber Monday 2011…
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