Definitely NOT Arsenal Transfer News.

My Uncle Earnest DidIt always says that “if you have nothing to say, then say nothing”.

Now this is easy for him to say, as he never has had anything worth saying. In fairness to the old trout, he is a Man of Action, not words. I have often wondered that if Earnest had actually managed to unearth an in interest in anything other than sex and the pursuit of other peoples’ money to support his foul habits, how he would have tackled something as tricky as being an Arsenalic during a Summer Lull.

Let’s face it, like most, he would be sitting somewhere in one of three camps entering the silly season.

In the Camp Doom, there was history on their side, which said that we will only spend what we earn from player sales. For these Doomsters, a bleak summer looked inevitable, as there was no obvious high value assets that wanted to “win things” and require fresh pastures.

Then, in Camp Chaos, there was the possibility of a Boardroom Power Struggle, with Usmanov grabbing an extra share or two with the ensuing fur and toupes flying.

Finally, Camp Whatever, or the “Que Sera, Seras”. A boringly mature troupe here, who prefer to deal in reality, and fuss not about matters beyond their control.

Where do I reckon Earnest would slot in? My gut feeling would be “None of the above”, rather “I actually don’t give a shit about anything apart from turning up on match day, getting ripped to the tits with my mates, watching a cracking game, then going home with a Goonerette on each arm”. Yip, two, as even in his eighties, he is a ferociously fertile man.

Him, not me, speaking. We are very loosely related you understand.

Written by MickyDidIt for a very quiet Friday :(

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83 Responses to Definitely NOT Arsenal Transfer News.

  1. evonne says:

    Earnest is a wanker

  2. evonne says:

    I don’t mean it Micky :)

    Earnest was right, in a biblical sense:
    ‘Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue’

  3. Red Arse says:

    Micky,

    Your penultimate paragraph made me go back and re-read it as for one teensy second I thought you were describing our man Chas! :D

    My uncle Blue Arse Fly, always told me “if you have nothing to say, then say it — no one will notice!” :-)

  4. Red Arse says:

    Evonne,

    Is a pointy black hat part of your déshabillée? :-)

    I am worried about some of your transfer market prognoses, and now you are sailing into Earnest/Chas! :-)

  5. Rasp says:

    Excellent Micky, I’m pleased to see you taking the matter of transfers so seriously :lol:

    If you look at my transfers widget, you will see that the ‘Outs’ far outnumber the ‘Ins’ and I haven’t included several minor ‘outs’.

    Sealing the deal with Higuain will put my mind at rest, I fear the longer negotiations last, the greater the chance of the Chavs etc getting involved (Mata)

  6. Manthan says:

    Didit,

    Great piece mate!! I am eagerly waiting for Higuain transfer to Arsenal. I am checking news now every 5 mins :D..

  7. Rasp says:

    …. to be honest, if we only sign Higuain, I will see it as a more positive summer than any since we built the Emirates because we will be shopping from the top shelf and also showing that we are prepared to pay the price and wages for top talent.

  8. mickydidit89 says:

    Bugger me, I didn’t think you’d actually post the wretched thing!

    Evonne: very harsh verdict on the old git.

    RA: “My uncle Blue Arse Fly, always told me “if you have nothing to say, then say it — no one will notice!” ROLF. In many ways, your Uncle Blue Arse Fly has much in common with Earnest. Doesn’t really give a toss what others think, does he. Evonne could take a leaf out of his book :-)

  9. charybdis1966 says:

    Mornnig all, tip top stuff MDi89 – I fluctuate betwen all 3 camps depending on my mood and the time of day.

    I just wish The Hig would get on with it and sign – I’m dying here !

    The BBC seems to think Mo, the replacement Fungus-scum baconface, is set to announce the Wig is staying at his first Presser as ManUre manager.

    Not sure what to make of that.

  10. TERRY MANCINI HAIR TRANSPLANT says:

    Thanks Micky

    I like the sound of your Uncle Earnest. If only some one would give me a chance to prove i was “Ferociously Fertile” hahaha

    I too stay away from all the summer shenanigans and rumour.

    Ive had a few lapses though. Last week i spread rumour that a source within the club had given me info that Higuain was a done deal. I did this to make myself look big and gain unworthy respect. It backfired though when Redders found out that the source is my imaginary friend PeePee. hahaha

    Though i dont like rumour, the other day i was walking through Speakers Corner when i was struck with a vison. i wrestled some old boy who was going on about Hell, Wrath, and sinful lust, nicked his loudspeaker and preached.

    “Fellani is coming, “Repent now doomers, Fellani is hear. Those who do not heed these words are doomed to an eternal midfield of Steve Sedgley and David Howels”

    it was going great until the old boy made a come back by whacking me over the head with his walking stick, thus reclaiming his loud speaker. In my semi concious state i could hear him yapping that violence is sinful?

    I also walk around Bounds Green with a placard proclaiming “The time is now, were going to spend big. Higuain, Fellani, & Messi are ours you cretins”

    But overall, i dont like idle speculation. hahaha

  11. mickydidit89 says:

    Transplant,
    You do write absolute gems :-)

    Rasp,
    I actually take the transfer window very seriously indeed, however, if all goes tits up, I will remind myself how Ollie will net 30 in his second season, Gerv is approaching his peak, while Jack and Rambo will forge an unbreachable wall in the middle :-)

    Right, where are those expensive signings?

  12. Shard says:

    I like this Uncle Earnest. If only football were as simple as just turning up to watch the game, having a drink or ten, and going back home with a couple of girls.Oh for all the simple joys of life. I’d settle just for the last bit though :)

    Micky,
    I thought you were writing the captain’s poll post? Oh well, I’ve written it and sent it, now that instead of a captain’s quest we received a visit from your uncle Earnest instead.

  13. mickydidit89 says:

    Shard,
    I was in full flow when you came up with your Captain suggestion, and frankly, couldn’t be bothered to start again.

    Yours would have made a far better post, and I think my idea of Poll Friday is sensational. Still, if I get hit with a Peaches Plea at 6am, you kind of get what you deserve from me, as during the close season, I have nothing of any value to contribute. Remember, I’m the tactics bollocks expert, and that requires a football match :-)

  14. Red Arse says:

    Micky,

    Don’t you dare diss your Uncle Ernest — that man is clearly a one off, and he could entertain us for minutes at a time recounting tales of his foul habits.

    I think a series of updates, by you, on that great man is called for, and perhaps I could introduce him to Uncle Blue Arse Fly who is also known for some disgusting tendencies, such as arranging distance peeing contests, which as he is not at all sexist, is open to all.

    So please go wash your mouth out before pandering to Shard, and being cruel to your beloved uncle.

  15. Shard says:

    Micky,
    Value or not, Uncle Earnest is good fun. I would say good, clean, fun, but that wouldn’t really be true now would it? Would it be pandering to you to say that I like your bollocks? haha..

  16. sai says:

    Good day everyone. Micky, you made my day.. After 9 busy hours at office, reading the post game me a reason to smile (Laugh actually).

    These transfer rumours are so juicy and its more like gambling. We know we are risking our time and happiness on some rumours which blow up proportionate to the number of followers for that particular rumour and still most of us fans act as a catalyst to these insane posts from journalists who were probably aspiring failed novelists.

    remember BSR’s father mention him staying with us same time last year! These made up stories are so frustrating that I’ve once and for all decided not to check on “Arsenal News” anymore. But I could hardly contend for few hours!!! I’m not the one who would voice for the cluv to win Trophies, but the prospect of us signing a player who could make us beat the $hit out of Spuds and Chavs is simply irresistible.

  17. Shard says:

    I have heard tell of some exploits of RA’s uncle BA Fly. He was in a pub (probably not shocking), and after having a few drinks, walked up to the barman and said, “I’ll bet you 100 quid that I can stand at one end of your bar, unzip my fly, and piss straight into the beer mug kept right at the other end of the counter.”

    The barman, being a sporting spirit (not to mention an enterprising sort) agreed to the wager. So BA Fly got onto the counter and started to empty his beer filled bladder. Now he might be a distant peeing pioneer and champion, but accuracy is a quite different discipline. This was something he hadn’t mastered and hence his urine was flying all over the place. On the counter, the stools, the floor, even on the barman himself. Everywhere except in the beer mug.

    When he was done, he cheerfully got off the counter and handed the barman the promised 100 pounds. The barkeep was impressed by how good a sport BA was and happily shook his hand. Out of curiosity he asked why BA Fly, distant pissing champion, had made a bet he could not win. Still in a cheerful mood, Ba Fly said, “You see those 5 guys over there?” “Yes.” Says the drenched barman. “Well, I bet them 100 quid each that not only could I get up on your bar and piss all over your establishment and your person, but that when I was done, you would be happy to shake my hand”

  18. chas says:

    Haha, nice one, Micky. The last paragraph did remind me of myself, so I can’t really be offended if anyone else points out any similarities. :)

  19. chas says:

    Apart from the Gooner babes of course.

  20. sai says:

    Shard, that made me choke the guts out of my big fat tummy!

  21. charybdis1966 says:

    Anyone here wondering if Sanogo concludes out transfer business for the summer ?

  22. evonne says:

    Micky – I really didn’t mean it. It was a jest in a GMesque style. I would never insult a distant relative of yours, never!

  23. charybdis1966 says:

    So Arsenal twat releasing squad number changes now, the first is : Sanogo to get shirt number 22(Coquelin’s old squad number) – big whoop !

    And, hahahahaha, Diaby drops from number 2 to 24 ! A squad player only, so who get’s number 2 now ?

    So that’s 2, 11, 13, 18 and 20 that are free…..isn’t the Hig’s number at RM, 20 ?

  24. RockyLives says:

    Micky
    Splendid antidote to the transfer lies spread across the rest of the blogoverse.

    I wonder if your Uncle Earnest ever ran into my late Great Uncle Seamus MacLives, whose motto was: “Always keep your friends close, but keep your enemas closer.”

  25. Big Raddy says:

    Any man who can train a seal is clearly a relative of Uncle Ernie

  26. chas says:

    Having re-read this wonderfully eloquent post, I am shocked that I probably fall into the ‘boringly mature’ category.
    This is definitely the first and last time this has, and ever will, happen.

  27. chas says:

    Haha, BR.
    I’d forgotten about the seal training.

  28. evonne says:

    this Wimbledon must be the best ever, amazing!

    Come on del Potro!!!!!!

  29. LB says:

    I am now going to have to lay down in a dark corner — I have written a post.

    It’s in drafts.

  30. chas says:

    The reason I said I didn’t think today’s bikes would handle rough mountain roads was because I’d just watched this. (I presume the dog was ok, the front bicycle wheel not so)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0dzMp61G5w

  31. LB says:

    Bloody animals ;)

  32. evonne says:

    bloody cyclists!! pedestrian is always right, poor doggy

    are you all supporting Murray?

  33. chas says:

    If he wins, yes.
    If he loses, then he’s just a sad old sweaty.

  34. evonne says:

    monster. that makes no sense at all :)

    how badly do you miss footy? no travelling, no drinking, no JC, you must be at a lost end. Will you come over for the Emirates cup?

  35. evonne says:

    sorry, I meant ‘no excuse for drinking’

  36. mickydidit89 says:

    Sea LIONS lads. Seals are what Raddy eats, and by the looks of things so does this bloke playing Murray.

    Evonne
    No way is he on Tripe Soup. :-)

    Rocky
    Great Uncle Seamus MacLives. My Mate :-)

  37. chas says:

    I’ve been working 7 weeks straight, Evonne. Not really had a chance to miss the footy. I would never go to the Emirates Cup. I make the trip to London often enough already for competitive matches. Are you going?

    I went into my local Polish supermarket and asked if they sold tripe soup.

    The answer came back, “mam nadzieje wy zwijacie w kule obniżenie od” or something like that.
    What does this mean?

  38. evonne says:

    ha ha ha Chas :) No idea what that means, but I will bring you a jar of tripe soup next I see you, it’s delicious :) Or you can get it from Tesco

    Yes, I will go to the Emirates cup, why not. Not sure why they invited Galataseray after their violence towards our fans, but I guess the footballers weren’t violent

  39. evonne says:

    Micky – I am 100% sure that the bloke playing Murray eats bortsch, pig trotters, garlic sausages, cabbage ravioli and tripe soup. For breatkfast.

  40. mickydidit89 says:

    Evonne
    Even you don’t know his name. He shall be forever “the bloke who is playing…..someone we do know” :-)
    I’ll be having a tin or two of that soup moments before the next wiff waff encounter!

  41. evonne says:

    you won’t look back Micky! It is called ‘Flaki’ and sells in jars for about £2 at larger superstores

    Give the Giant Pole a couple of years, everybody will know his name.

    Levante want Chamakh and Marseille Gervinho. At this rate we will be left with no strikers

  42. mickydidit89 says:

    It’s having to look down that worries me :-(

  43. evonne says:

    it looks lovely, a bit like minestrone

  44. neamman says:

    My Mum taught it to me as “If you have nothing good to say, say nothing” .
    I will be disappointed if we only get Higuan, I would like us to get a really dominating DM and/or a real creator. I don’t feel we have really replaced Cesc.

  45. Gooner In Exile says:

    Morning all, I guess I’m in the que sera camp, because how can I let something outside of my control worry me?

  46. mickydidit89 says:

    Really does look like we are shedding wage bills all over the place.

    Not altogether happy about these stories of Gerv going, as he’s our own swift and dribbly left sider. Plus, he told me he spent Tuesday morning practicing shooting harder.

  47. mickydidit89 says:

    Morning GiE

    You are telling massive porkies. Do you have complete control over George? Mmmm? Do ya. do ya?

    Thought not. Ooo, and do you worry about the little Fella? Thought so. :-)

    Join Earnest in his camp. Oh cripes, nearly forgot you were happily married :-)

  48. mickydidit89 says:

    My new exercise routine is doing my back in, or could it be the eight odd hours I spent on the sofa watching tennis yesterday? :-(

  49. mickydidit89 says:

    H ha Chas :-)
    “wear your bonnet later” sounds very much like a Clash line!

  50. mickydidit89 says:

    If this clear out of players continues, then instead of a transfer “in” and “out” didgit, maybe a “wages saved” would be a good indicator of policy shift at Arsenal.

  51. chas says:

    Looking at the real lyrics, they could be a metaphor for the media and its control over gullible fans.
    Complete control – lemme see your other hand.

  52. Gooner In Exile says:

    Haha Micky ok you’ve got me there….although today I do have complete control….my day is more structured today than it is during a working day :)

    That said time to go change steriliser and sort morning bottle.

  53. chas says:

    My back’s aching too.
    C’mon Andy, I’ve always thought you were great.

  54. chas says:

    Certainly more control over George than over Arsenal’s transfer dealings. :)

  55. mickydidit89 says:

    Chas,
    On 38secs Paul has his legs spread seriously wide. I reckon Chary adopts a similar posture when he gives it volume 10.

  56. Gooner In Exile says:

    Just realised Remy has stayed at QPR and there has not been much talk of transfers…..26 and in the Championship seems the wrong place to be in a World Cup year, be a cheeky alternative to Higuain was very impressed with his finishing for QPR.

    While on QPR if there was ever firm evidence of agents profiting from the mad world of football it is Samba’s agent…..cut of a £12.5m transfer from Anzhi to QPR, then cut of a £12m transfer from QPR to Anzhi 6 months later. Nice work if you can get it!

    I must admit to being slightly confused by the fuss over Higuain….I don’t watch enough foreign football to rate him as highly as most seem to…is he that good?

  57. chas says:

    Chary spreading his legs seriously wide is not a good early morning image.

  58. mickydidit89 says:

    Chas,
    I really like the way our transfers are going, as it makes perfect sense to restructure the wage policy, and step one has to be to offload the high earning fringers.

  59. chas says:

    It’s because he’s from Fortnum & Mason’s, GIE, as opposed to Poundland.

  60. chas says:

    Micky,
    Do you think we’ll ever be free of the ‘deadwood’ phrase or are all players currently regarded as sh*te to be named thus hereafter?

    C’mon Wenger, you’ve saved some money getting rid of some high earning fringers to add to the 200m you already had to spend. Splash the cash and show our ambition is more than 4th place.

  61. mickydidit89 says:

    Interesting question about Higuain GiE.

    My first choice would have been a speed merchant with glue on his boots as a tactical alternative to Ollie, and Hig is not that.

    Also, I worry about a player who bangs ‘em in against poor defenders outside the top four in Spain. Still, quality is quality wherever you ply your trade, and his “best ever” youtubes are even better than Chamack’s were :-)

    Genuinely though, I’d be absolutely delighted if he joined the ranks.

  62. mickydidit89 says:

    Sarky Chas :-)

    Our “deadwooders” earn way too much for players who clearly Arsene doesn’t want to play. It’s not like he’s the world’s biggest fan of rotation.

  63. mickydidit89 says:

    Very depressing start to the day ahead for me.

    First Didit Batallion Beach Manoevres of the summer campaign today, and just realized our new battlewagon has no sideways supports on the roof rack, so nowhere to strap surf boards.

    Stop one: bloody Halfords. Stop two: zumajays.com for new wetsuits as the children have had the nerve to grow.

    Fat chequebook has to be found :-(

  64. chas says:

    Any particular speed merchants with glue on their boots you had in mind, Micky?

    Presumably Higuain is genuine quality. He’ll be ok after a season’s adjusting.

  65. chas says:

    Really jealous of you surfing.
    I’ve got these WrapRax straps (I think that’s what they’re called), I’ve used on a car with no roof rack at all.

  66. chas says:

    Must go, my bad back’s calling.
    Up the Arse.

  67. Big Raddy says:

    Morning All,

    Looks like I missed the morning banter. Very entertaining.

    Given the lack of crossing ability of any of our widemen I would like a striker like Suarez, but with a different brain. How frustrating must it be to be as good in the air as Giroud and not have a decent cross to attack for 90 minutes?

  68. mickydidit89 says:

    Morning Daddy

    I agree with your Suarez type of player. GiE rightly pointed out that there are players like Remy languishing at QPR.

  69. mickydidit89 says:

    Another thing worth remembering is that, with the exception of Podolski, AW rarely signs anyone who has been heavily “linked with” by the red tops.

  70. evonne says:

    GiE – this will change, you will have more control over Arsenal transfers than over George :)

    The whole transfer market is slow this summer, strange. Is it because there are so many new managers who have to find their feet first?

    off to have some breakfast

  71. evonne says:

    I’d like to watch the Lions play today, but all my favourites lost at Wimbledon so I am worried that i’d sabotage the game too

  72. Big Raddy says:

    evonne. We’re doomed if that is our criteria for success

  73. Big Raddy says:

    Half an hour of my life wasted trying to change the signature on my email ….. I love my cyber-buddies but hate the learning process of computerworld

  74. Gooner In Exile says:

    Evonne a bit of that and a bit of a change in spending policy…..previously City would have spid £63m for Cavani……no problem, but now they are being careful, having already spent around £60m this summer they are unlikely to be able to stick within FFP if they spend another £60m on one player. They have moved Tevez on due to similar reasons (his contract was previously excluded from FFP being signed before inception, a renewal would not have been. Probably similar goings on with the likes of Barry, Milner and Lescott.

    Aahh Micky surf day sounds fantastic although I always found sunny days = no surf, was in Newquay for a week a few years back weather was great, hired board and wetsuit for week, it became a glorified float :) nowadays I’d probably be able to hire a paddle and do a bit of paddling up the Gannel estuary.

  75. Gooner In Exile says:

    Spid = paid

  76. evonne says:

    glorified float :) hardly! At least you wore the wetsuit, I just bought mine and never touch it again

    No Raddy, Arsenal are different, I watch we win, almost always :)

  77. Big Raddy says:

    GIE. If that is the reason behind MC’s reluctance to bid for Cavani it bodes well for FFP.

  78. Gooner In Exile says:

    Raddy I think clubs will do their best to stay within requirements, especially the likes of City who are seen as the reason for these rules. Although they will always be able to lose more than us due to being 100% owned and providing the sheikh is prepared to convert his funding to equity which protects the clubs fans from their sudden departure from football.

  79. Big Raddy says:

    Horrible news about Gazza.

  80. Rasp says:

    Morning all …….

    ….. New post ……

  81. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Good morning to you all.

    Shock! Horror! News this morning, from BBC Sport, Arsenal have missed out on Suarez. The deal was all but done but Maureen has stepped in and the troubled striker is on his way to the Chavs.

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