Mr Wenger. Read this & Win

Strange to have a winter weekend without real football. Yes, there are matches to fill the interlull, but it’s not real football, is it? Proper football is any game with Arsenal in it, the rest is just sport.

So what to do in an Interlull? I spend time in art galleries and museums (yes, I know – it doesn’t fit the Big Raddy image).  Some have to go shopping, or wash cars or take the kids to MonkeyWorld. Some will take the desperate measure of watching Liverpool/Spurs in the hope both teams will lose. Whatever it is, these are just ruses to fill in time until the next adrenalin fix, which happens to be next Weds. evening.

The lack of interest is mirrored in blogworld. All the AFC blogs are full of desperate attempts to interest the reader (as is this). Would a discussion of the defenses lapses be of interest? No – we have seen/read it all. What about a discussion about the next manager? Done it. A profile of an ex-player? Always interesting but whom? Which players to buy from Leagues we know nothing about? Yawn,

You get the idea.

Would it be better to have a post-free day? Well, AA has managed to publish a post everyday since inception and the plan is to continue in this vein.

Would a post on Joel Campbell’s progress titillate? Or Benik Afobe’s very sad ligament damage? Or Connor Henderson’s decision to leave at season’s end? If so, why don’t you write something.

Gadzooks. After all the musing, I have an idea ….. let’s discuss the dreadful cost caused by the lack of silly haircuts in the current Arsenal  team.

Since the departure of Alex Song,we have had to suffer normal everyday hair. I hoped Monreal would bring some tonsorial peculiarity but no, his barnet is dullness personified. Same with all the newboys. Corporal Jenks? Short back and sides – same with Merts, TV, Ox, Kos, Little Jack, Giroud, Theo etc. The only fellows who bring a bit of pezzazz are The Domed Mekon and Bacary’s lucky extensions.

images-1

His Best Asset

We need more. The players are letting us down – we haven’t even got a mohican or a pony-tail or a chap with AFC shaved into his bonce.

I blame Mr Wenger. Look at his barnet. Ordinary, neat, well-barbered without a hair out of place, And what of Stevie B? A superb cut, which in my opinion is the only way a Real Man would wear his hair (though some may disagree) but ordinary.

If we are to win a trophy we need spectacle. Something to distract a defence whilst Santi scores.

images-2

images-4Unknown

These blokes could play and my reasoning is that once they went back to having sensible haircuts they turned  into James Milner – good, efficient but lacking in va-va-voom.

Mr. Wenger. Sometimes the answer is simple- Forget diet, forget tactics, forget training. See the light.  Imaginative Hair = Imaginative Football.

Take the lads down to Michael Barnes Hairdressers in Shaftesbury Avenue and get him to sort them out.

In case you think this is just frivolous ramblings, may I point you to The Good Book and the story of Samson and Delilah.

QED

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59 Responses to Mr Wenger. Read this & Win

  1. Cesc says:

    AA is getting desperate.

  2. Big Raddy says:

    Cesc :-D

    Instead of making such a short comment, why not think of something and write a Guest post?

    We need inspiration.

  3. Rasp says:

    Morning Raddy, I hope this praise of the hirsute is not in pursuit of a call for the return of Chamakh :lol:

  4. Gooner In Exile says:

    Raddy void filled well done to you….you are right, what else is there to talk about so let’s do hair….have we ever had a crazy barnet?

    On the talk about a past player I thought that perhaps Kelsey, GN5 or DD could give us a rundown on the great and not so great keepers we have seen. In my time supporting I have been lucky enough to watch some great Keepers in between the sticks, Jennings, Lukic, and Seaman. Has going to the Emirates and the loss of North Bank and Clock End voices also led to losing the rapport with the Keeper?

  5. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Desperate Cesc?
    Have you gone mad. I think the first post I ever did was on this very subject, and that was during a busy footballing period :-)
    Well done Raddy.
    Might I be right in thinking you are a fan of The Fellaini?

  6. MickyDidIt89 says:

    If anyone mentions Hoddle or Waddle, I’ll send Evonne round.

  7. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Actually, that’s going to backfire isn’t it. Everyone will know mention the ‘orrible duo.

  8. Goonereris says:

    Damn! AA sure is bored. Good one, though.

  9. Big Raddy says:

    Micky. I am a huge fan of the Fellaini. Anyone with a “microphone” deserves the utmost respect.

    GIE. What about Alex Song’s “Guinness” or “He’s got red hair but we don’t care”?

  10. Red Arse says:

    Well done Raddy, but I will offer you a word of caution too! :-)

    The blogging world is becoming more litigious, even as we speak,
    and your mickey taking of those gorgeous haircuts could see you and Rasp up before the beak any minute now!

    Recently, a member of a consortium bidding for Portsmouth sent a blogging site a letter from his libel lawyers accusing a blogger called Big Raddy of defamation in one of his posts.

    The blogger, actually called Micah Hall, has claimed that he doesn’t have a case to answer, no doubt with fingers firmly crossed,

    Most bloggers, don’t have a fund to fight libel law suits or as they are known, SLAPP suits.
    A SLAPP stands for Strategic Lawsuits Against Public Participation. They’re legal actions for the primary purpose of shutting down criticism, although many feel they are just legal bullying tactics.

    If you haven’t got the cash to fight the SLAPP – and bloggers rarely have as I said – you simply stop writing, and apologise, or else.

    Bloggers are waking up to the potentially serious outcome of criticising individuals or organisations.

    Fan journalism has been growing for some time. Football was an early adopter of the internet, with some great forums, because fans are fanatical in their ability to talk about the minutiae of club-related matters, over and over again.

    Within the fan base their has been a niche for supporters with accountancy qualifications, for example, who can analyse their club’s books and post it on a site, and although 95% of the bloggers could not give a monkeys, the other 5% do, with the result that they have bored the arses off everyone else since.

    This has proved important as more clubs have been used as speculative investments, and the concerns of all bloggers has grown as they became more aware of what was going on within their own clubs.

    Financial Fair Play and its domestic equivalents have made fans also view their clubs from the perspective of the profit and loss account, and not simply winning trophies.

    The importance of footie blogging sites as a channel for fans awareness and also a place to express their dissatisfaction is undeniable.

    Although sites like ours may be crucial, with the brutal UK libel laws there could be more SLAPPs coming the way of bloggers and blog site writes and owners, like you Raddy and you, too, Rasper, and bloggers now risk censure and financial impecuniousness for simply writing for the clubs they love.

    Of course you would become famous as a bye-product!

  11. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Best: Freddie’s red mohawk
    Worst: Seamon Tash’n’Tail
    Now, where’s Wiff Waff Sam? We are packed and ready. Being buggered about by one of the mother’s of one of his children probably, poor sod.

  12. Norfolk Gooner says:

    I broke my glasses yesterday and I’m having to use an old pair, they are not very good so I’m having difficulty reading all the comments. Did Big Raddy say he was a fan of fellatio? Not sure what his sexual preferences are to do with football, but each to his own is what I always say.

  13. MickyDidIt89 says:

    What’s a Seamon?

  14. Big Raddy says:

    RA. :-D

    I am not sure if you are being serious but it is not in my nature to be libelously offensive about anyone.

    If I call Rooney a “granny-shagger”, there is factual evidence to back me up.

    Bale. A Simian. Factually correct.

    A complaint about haircuts? In Court I can swear on the Bible; a story therein about the weakening effect of short, boring hair.

    N.B. This comment is purely the opinion of the author and in no way means to denigrate nor libel any of the fictitious or actual people mentioned above. In the highly unlikely event of offence being taken, please consult my lawyers, Wallace, Grummit, Blind Faith and Sons

  15. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Everyone moaning and whining about the lack of posts, then as bloody usual, up pops RA with a sodding thesis and enough material for a ‘king week :-)

  16. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Norkolk
    Yes he did. Very explicit on the matter.

  17. Big Raddy says:

    Norfolk. As long as it doesn’t hurt, anything goes ….

  18. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Raddy :-)

  19. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Ah ha, Sam. Bye all.

  20. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Here’s a snippet from today’s Telegraph, During the time that Suarez has been booked three times for diving, Bale has been booked four times for the same offence.

    The Great Northern Diver has been eclipsed by The Often Spotted WHL Diver.

    If there is any libellous content in this comment, it is not my fault, the original article was read out to me by my carer. It’s all down to ‘er m’lud. :D

  21. GunnerN5 says:

    Here’s a listing of all of our goalkeepers.
    My personal favourites would be Swindon, Kelsey and Seaman (who also had the best hair do) – and I’ve watched 20 out of 26 of them..

    ………………………………………………………………………….

    ■James Ashcroft: 1900-1908 (303 appearances)
    ■Hugh McDonald: 1906, 1908-1910, 1912-1913 (103 appearances)
    ■Ernest aWilliamson: 1919-1923 (113 appearances)
    ■Jock Robson: 1921-1925 (101 appearances)
    ■Dan Lewis: 1924-1931 (167 appearances)
    ■Frank Moss: 1931-1936 (161 appearances)
    ■George Swindin: 1936-1953 (297 appearances)
    ■Jack Kelsey: 1951-1962 (352 appearances)
    ■Jim Furnell: 1963-1968 (167 appearances)
    ■Bob Wilson: 1963-1974 (308 appearances)
    ■Geoff Barnett: 1969-1976 (49 appearances)
    ■Jimmy Rimmer: 1974-1977 (146 appearances)
    ■Pat Jennings: 1977-1984 (327 appearances)
    ■Paul Barron: 1978-1980 (8 appearances)
    ■George Wood: 1980-1983 (60 appearances)
    ■John Lukic: 1984-1990, 1996-2000 (298 appearances)
    ■David Seaman: 1990-2003 (564 appearances)
    ■Vince Bartram: 1994-1998 (11 appearances)
    ■Alex Manninger: 1997-2002 (64 appearances)
    ■Stuart Taylor: 1997-2005 (30 appearances)
    ■Richard Wright: 2001-2002 (22 appearances)
    ■Jens Lehmann: 2003-2008, 2011 (200 appearances)
    ■Manuel Almunia: 2004-2011 (175 appearances)
    ■Lucasz Fabianski: 2007-2011 (62 appearances)
    ■Vito Manone: 2009-2011 (23 apperances)
    ■Wojciech Szczesny: 2009-2011 (100 appearances)

  22. Norfolk Gooner says:

    Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
    She suggested I go down to the senior centre and hang out with the guys.
    I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a
    parachute club.
    She said “Are you nuts? You’re almost 75 years old and you’re going to start
    Jumping out of airplanes?”
    I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
    She said to me, “For heaven’s sake, where are your glasses! This is a
    membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”
    I’m in trouble again and don’t know what to do! I signed up for five jumps a
    week!

    Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

  23. Red Arse says:

    Raddy, the case mentioned is genuine, but I don’t think you and Rasp have anything to fear! :D

    Anyway, Wallace, Gromit and Waggy Tail, your solicitors, can make you some automated, brown trousers! :-)

  24. Red Arse says:

    Micky, :-)

    I hate the discipline of sitting down and writing a Post.

    When I respond to a Post, the words just follow the author’s lead, like Raddy’s today. It put me in mind of something that was related to those dreadful haircuts — namely the risk of libel because of the disparity between how gorgeous the Gerv and others think they are, as opposed to how hideous we think they are.

    [Note to any budding lawyer -- Randy put me up to that!!] :D

  25. VCC says:

    Norfolk Gooner. I wish there was one of those clubs around my way. :-)

  26. GunnerN5 says:

    I copied this post as I feel it sums up one of the major issues that we have experienced at AFC.

    I guess it’s one long story of untimely injuries, bad luck, bad reffing and bad choices…………

    …………………………………………………………………………………

    Mar 083:12PM EST

    Timing is everything — as 2 injured prospects are discovering

    Posted by Andrew Mangan

    In the 2000-01 season Sylvinho played 34 games for Arsenal, scored four goals and was well and truly established as the first-choice left back at the club.

    Toward the end of the season he picked up an injury, which allowed Ashley Cole a seven-game run in the side. The young Englishman did well, but after a loan spell at Crystal Palace it was strongly rumoured that Arsenal were prepared to let him go back there on a permanent basis.

    Then, out of the blue, Arsenal agreed to sell Sylvinho back to Corinthians, the Brazilian club they’d bought him from in the first place. After a protracted saga, the deal fell through, and after much wrangling and links with many clubs, he was sold to Celta Vigo.

    Arsenal had a pressing need for a left back and the timing, for Cole, was perfect. He went on to develop brilliantly as a player (if not as a person), and the truth is the footballing gods dealt him a good hand.

    Sylvinho’s passport issues, which even surfaced after his move to Spain when Celta had to register him as a non-EU player, opened the door for Cole. Opportunity knocked, he answered.

    But while there are stories of success, the game is littered with those who are not so lucky. This week, young striker Benik Afobe picked up a cruciate ligament injury which will rule him out for about nine months. He was on loan at Millwall after a spell at Bolton proved relatively unsuccessful, and what little chance he had of making an impact at Arsenal is surely gone.

    With the need for more firepower, the Gunners will certainly dip into the transfer market this summer. Thus, a player highly thought of at the club — and who was almost nabbed a few years ago by Barcelona, no less — will more than likely have to find somewhere else to play football.

    The same could be said of Emmanuel Frimpong. Now on loan at Fulham, and with stories circulating that Arsenal are willing to let him go on a free transfer this summer, he’s another victim of injury at the worst possible time. The combative midfielder had forced his way into Arsene Wenger’s thinking, and while definitely on the very fringes of the first team, showed in the Emirates Cup (a preseason tournament) that he really had something about him.

    Sadly, a few days later he ruptured a cruciate ligament in training and his progress was halted. When he returned he played some early-season fixtures for Arsenal (picking up a red card against Liverpool but applauded off the pitch for his energy and commitment!), before going on loan to Wolves. After a few games … yep … his other cruciate went snap. So this player of promise and potential suffers another setback, and in the end it’s likely to have cost him his chance of making it at Arsenal.

    These guys will continue to work hard and will probably forge decent professional careers. It’s not impossible, but unlikely, that Arsenal will retain them. They might not hit the heights, some of which will be down to their qualities and talent, but it’s hard to escape the feeling that with better timing and a bit of luck their paths might have been very different.

  27. mallard says:

    Nice one, BR.
    I actually prefer to read about footballers’ hair than the Arse at the moment. :)

    How about some Kevin Campbell stylee? I couldn’t find a picture of him with that lovely away kit design in his hair so this’ll have to do.

  28. mallard says:

    This photo of the BFG reading the BFG made me smile.

    Per Mertesacker Reading Stars

  29. Our young whizzkid from the Far East is back on the bench for Wigan today (he has also been suffering injury this season).

    Sad news about Afobe, there are a queue of other youngsters behind him vying for that chance in the 1st team squad, so i guess the exit door beckons, seems such a shame.

  30. Gooner In Exile says:

    Just realised there have been press reports of Rooney leaving United, were they out before or after my Wednesday morning post?

  31. jnyc says:

    Good post
    :-)

  32. evonne says:

    GiE – after your post. You’ve started this rumour :)

  33. RockyLives says:

    Well done BR
    An entertaining and amusing Post, as well as a rumination on the tedium of the interlull.

    For me, Alan Sunderland’s ‘Hair Bear Bunch’ special deserves an honourable mention.

  34. RockyLives says:

    GiE
    Your Rooney post was definitely prophetic.

    The Telegraph was reporting yesterday that ManUre will sell him for 20m in the summer. The stumbling block for us would be the 250k a week wages – but it would be a real coup if we were to get him.

  35. Gooner In Exile says:

    Good good Evonne :)

    Miyachi got to come on in the 40th minute, got injured and replaced on 72 minutes, not having much luck up in Wigan our young prospect :(

  36. evonne says:

    Wigan scored all 3 goals against Everton when I was waiting at road works red lights in Enfield. All 3 within 3 minutes, shocker

  37. Big Raddy says:

    Shame QPR won today. They will be buying their way out of trouble

  38. Big Raddy says:

    On a non-Arsenal day, here is a thought…..

    Why when we are so short of a finisher did AW sell Carlos Vela?

  39. VCC says:

    Well done to Queens Park Rangers today.

  40. 20/20Vision says:

    I ‘ve got a terrible joke for the hairy strikers on ‘soccer am’ (ahem) Fellani:” I hear you once visited Prince Charles’s country residence and saw inside his royal bedroom” Guest: “yes and the chamber pot was on top of the wardrobe” Fellani:”Prince Charles’s chamber pot was on top of the wardrobe?… WHY was that?” guest “‘cos he’s the highest peer in the land☺!” howaaay!

    (Who threw the banana at Bale?)

  41. Gooner In Exile says:

    Raddy my only guess is Vela wanted first team football, or at least regular football, second guess is he only had a couple of years left on contract of better to earn something now than two years of wages. But truly is a case of damned if he does damned if he doesn’t, the mob are calling for signings, the mob are criticising the wage bill and the overpaid deadwood…..

  42. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Motning,
    Didn’t Vela have issues with early nights and that sort of thing?
    .
    And GiE,
    Never really thought of myself as a Mob Person, but I’m warming. I could be a Revolting Peasant perhaps :-)

  43. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Quick Lads, Dads and Sons,
    Mothers Day, so if you’ve forgotten, time to hide until tomorrow.

  44. Gooner In Exile says:

    Morning Micky.

    As it is Mothers Day who of the AA faithful was supposed to supply the post for Mum of the blog?

  45. Gooner In Exile says:

    Always remember some story about Vela and a transgender stripper at a bachelor party from a very dim and distant past.

  46. MickyDidIt89 says:

    GiE,
    Who has controls of the site? How hard is it to put a post up?
    Maybe we should by-pass Rasp/Peaches to not only save them the hassle, but also something could appear earlier before everyone has gone.
    I thought GN5 made some good suggestions about the site the other day.
    Maybe a more fluid approach is possible.
    Perhaps today could simply be a day for input, ideas and suggestions.

  47. MickyDidIt89 says:

    GiE
    I could fire up a few lines and you post it.
    Not sure what our Leaders would think about it though.

  48. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Yikes
    That sounds like a Coup.
    By the time Rasp/Peaches emerge, the Loons could have taken over the asylum ROLF

  49. Red Arse says:

    Millwall v Blackburn today, and all I can think is;

    Millwall, you know that should have been us
    Instead of Blackburn playing with you
    You know that it should have been us
    Getting ready to play you
    bastard, bastard

    Arsenal made a promise that we’d take part
    & then they turned around & broke my heart
    Now BB’re standing there saying ‘I do’
    Holding hands with somebody new
    It should have been us
    Instead of them standing by you
    You know that it should have been us
    Getting ready to say ‘I do’!”

    Sorry — it has all come back. :-(

    Signed: Broken Hearted Red

  50. Gooner In Exile says:

    Micky that’s fine, but I don’t have access to arsenalnuts email. Stick the post in comments here and I’ll check back then pop it in a post. Raddy also can add posts, Kelsey too I think, not sure they have access to email. Actually I can probably grab your email from comments and send you one so you can send your post to me.

  51. evonne says:

    re Vela – I’ve heard that he is doing very well in Spain. He is on loan, so he might be back.

    However, I think that the players can be good in one club, but fail to deliver in another. That would depend on the style of play, other players, rubbish defence of the opposition, climate, etc etc etc. Vela was with us on and off for 7 years and never made it. Therefore I’d be happy if the loan becomes a permanent contract for him in Real S.

  52. Gooner In Exile says:

    Evonne he was sold for £4m in summer.

  53. evonne says:

    really? Oh,I was sure he was on loan. So he will definitely not be back :)

    Which game are we watching today? Scum or Chavs? Scum is more important to us, but I would love to see Fergie losing again and kissing good bye what it was a predicted treble glory until last week

  54. Gooner in Exile says:

    Think i want to watch ManUre v Chavs to see how many player get injured, then again Spuds v Liverpool probably has more bearing on our season

  55. Gooner in Exile says:

    Morning all again…..

    We have a new post from the DidIt…..i say post its more the start of an uprising :D

    New Post!!

  56. goonermichael says:

    Great post Raddy!

    I’ll share a (not very good and long) hairdressers joke

    A crimper is doing a client and he asks the usual question “where are you going on your holidays?”

    The client says I’m going to Rome.

    Oh really how are you getting there?

    I’m flying BA

    Why are you going on BA they are rubbish, all the planes are old and the staff are miserable you should have gone on Alitalia.

    Where are you staying?

    I’m staying at the imperial hotel

    Not that shithole, It’s an absolute dump and their staff make BA staff look good. I would have stayed at the intercontinental.

    Why are you going to Rome anyway?

    I want to see the Pope

    What a waste of time, You’ll be standing with 2 million other people and he’ll be a speck in the distance.You must be mad if you think you’ll actually see the Pope.

    The hairdresser finished her hair and she left.

    Six weeks later the client comes back in, the hairdresser is doing her hair and remembers her holiday

    You were going to Rome last time I saw you how bad was BA?

    Well actually when I got to Heathrow they put me on a brand spanking new plane and because they’d over booked they upgraded me to first. I had a gorgeous steward looking after me. It was the best flying experience I’ve ever had.

    Oh really I bet the Imperial was a dump though.

    Well actually it’s had a 70 million refit, It’s like a palace and when I got there they’d also overbooked so they gave me the presidential suite. They also gave me free meals and treated me like a princess. I felt so special.

    I bet you didn’t see the Pope though

    Well actually I was walking past the Vatican and I was stopped by two Swiss guards. They explained that the Pope always gives a private audience to one ordinary person every morning. They asked me if I’d be that person.

    So what happened?

    Well they took me to a small room and asked me to kneel on a small red cushion. Then after a while the Pope came in. He walked over to me and looked down

    Really? What did he say

    He said, Who did your hair it looks fucking terrible?

  57. sami nas says:

    Gm

  58. sami nas says:

    Your blog is almost as empty of content as the AFC trophy cabinet at the emir8s. Having 8-2 much @ old trafford, and after Birmingham turned arsenal in 2-1 big chock artist club. The penalties at Bradford made it (in2-3) consecutive seasons of turning in consistently memorable performances from 1 by Arsenal at wembley 2 Birmingham a year later 2 old trafford 2 Bradford this year, that when Blackburn visited it was 1 more cup exit with 0 trophies for Arsenal at the emir8s in 8 years. By the time the North London derby came good ol Spuds just turned the Arsenal in 2-1 big joke! Lololololol! I would love to get your prediction and analysis for the Bayern match I can only hope that Wenger stays for 3 more years at least the last 3 have been progressively entertaining and its not even done yet! Any predictions for Bayern match? The season position? summer transfer activity? wenger purchased another 20 year old today from Auxerre in Ligue 1, I am thinking AFC will be active in the market swooping up all the talents from primary and elementary schools and to your shock only Cazorla and Wilshire may be sold while the club resigns Gazidis and Arsene in to long term contracts! But I want to hear your prediction? If u ask me this squad is much hungrier than the one that 8-2 much @ old trafford. Arsene Wenger we want you to stay for 8 more years! 8 more years! 8 more years!

  59. raspberry ketone diet

    Mr Wenger. Read this & Win | Arsenal Arsenal

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