First of all, apologies to anyone hoping to find the usual daily helping of wit, wisdom and footballing insight you have come to expect from Arsenal Arsenal.
As it’s Boxing Day and there’s bugger all happening from an Arsenal point of view, I’m afraid this is a bit of a quirky Post aimed at the regular AA contributors.
But don’t worry, normal service will resume tomorrow with a fine pre-match report for the Wolves game.
For today, however, I am delighted to present…
The Arsenal Arsenal Dictionary
(A guide to new words formed as a result of cross-generation of individuals via the medium of this blogular site).
(verb) to compel an individual to write a headline Post for AA ostensibly through charm, but with the underlying threat of physical violence.
(abbreviation) measurement of weight equivalent to 16 ounces (for example: “That thong full of Arsenal badges must weight about 3 lbs… and must be highly dangerous to wear.”
(adverb) taking pleasure in the misfortunes of Manchester United.
(noun) a tool for abrading the rough edges of a disputatious blog.
(acronym) postal district of North London, located somewhere in the vicinity of the Great Lakes.
(adjective) feeling a degree of ire when something dear to oneself is insulted (for example: “I was feeling decidedly irish at the suggestion that, if Lady Gaga supported a Premier League team, she would choose Chelsea.”
(adjective) a new paint colour from upmarket suppliers Farrah & Ball. Strikingly red and ideal for virgin walls.
(noun) a device for giving one a warm feeling on the morning of an Arsenal game.
(proper noun) a mysterious land far away, favoured by Friends of Dorothy but occasionally producing wizard insights into all things Arsenal.
(proper noun) a medical condition that induces in sufferers an enhanced vocabulary cortex. No cure has yet been found.
(noun) being completely Dutch.
(noun) a rare mineral noted for its solidness and stability. Billions of years old.
(noun) poncey French sofa thing – perfect for watching funny videos from.
(noun) slang term for a type of marijuana which produces in users the strong sensation that Arsenal’s best manager lived 75 years ago.
(proper noun) popular Cockney seaside resort in the south of Spain.
(abbreviation) short for Veritable Cornucopia of Comedy.
(proper noun) annual public holiday for the legal profession.
(noun) the removal of all the hair from an individual’s head.
(proper noun) the capital of Bennigoonarmy.
(proper noun) popular television chef who moonlights as a contributor on Arsenal Arsenal.
(proper noun) Polish enclave of North London, inhabited by a race of fierce, blonde-haired Amazon beauties.
(noun) making fun of fellow bloggers (particularly residents of Evonia) in such a charming way that they can never take offence.
(noun) out of an aeroplane door and straight downwards.
(verb) to harass or annoy (in particular, to harass or annoy blog visitors making stupid points).
(proper noun) a beautiful group of islands set in a turquoise sea of Peroni.
(adjective) living in Norfolk.
(proper noun) unusual form of porter ale, with a full red body and a clear white head.
(adjective) pertaining to a female blogger; someone who posts comments about 10 times a year.
(verb) to exhort somebody in a foreign language. Homonyms include “AvantiNigel” and “ComeOnNwankwo.”
(noun) a painful growth in the foot. Hurts when you step on it.
(verb) Gesture of affection in New Zealand. Often involving sheep.
(noun) usually required after undergoing a mancineration.
(adjective) pronounced loo-chee: carrying too much ‘junk in the trunk’. For example “Blimey, Arshavin’s looking a bit lucci today.”
And apologies to any regulars I may have omitted. I’d had about a bottle and a half of good red wine when I wrote it.