Written by Total Arsenal
Due to a recent spell of bad results in the Premier League and the relentless complaining of our fans, we are now looking for a new Manager.
During the reign of Arsène Wenger, Arsenal won three League Championships, Four FA Cups, achieved the cult-status of the Invincibles for a 49-games spell of not getting beat, reached the CL final, played in the CL for 14 consecutive seasons, played a brand of football envied all over the world, and moved successfully to a brand new stadium, whilst keeping the club in a healthy financial position.
Arsenal have just sold their best player, captain and playmaker Cesc Fabregas, and shipped out another 9 players, but we also bought 11 players during the Transfer Window. The new squad is full of youthful talent, experienced players, with a number of national captains, and a top quality spine to the team.
However recent results have been disappointing and we feel our incumbent manager has been far too slow with the integration of the new players – after all he had 21 days since the last day of the TW (including an international break). Arsenal football club had to endure two woeful away games against Manchester United and Blackburn Rovers in the new season, and we have come to the conclusion that the most successful manager in our history is no longer capable of bringing our beloved Arsenal the successes that it is simply entitled to.
We are now looking for a manager who does not complain when his best players are sold, is able to integrate 11 new players into the team in just a few days time, and can bring us instant success (minimum requirement of PL or CL title this season).
HAVE YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO REPLACE ARSENE WENGER, AND MAKE US WIN THE PL AND/OR CL THIS YEAR AND NEXT YEAR AND EVERY YEAR AFTER THAT?
Successful Applicants should be able to demonstrate:
- A track-record of success (titles, cups, accolades) that equals, or ideally betters that of the incumbent manager.
- A track-record of prudent financial management/ ability to adhere to the principle of ‘Sustainability’ (in-depth knowledge of Financial Fair Play – FFP – is highly desirable).
- A vision as well as a track-record of playing attractive, attacking football that is acknowledged all over the world i.e. have you developed a ‘world football brand’ during your spell(s) as a manager?
- A track-record of integrating two new defenders, a number of midfielders and a new striker in less than 21 days.
- An ability/track-record of spotting super-talented youth players and develop them into world class players (so we can sell them just before they reach their absolute peaked for loads of money).
- An ability to recruit undetected quality players in their early twenties at cut prices, and develop them into world class players as well (we like to sell those players too… ).
- A track-record of protecting the Board that employed/employs you in front of everyone and at whatever personal cost.
- The ability to stay professional and positive even when your best players let you down, the press is in your face all the time (hoping you will crack at any minute), and your BoD are hiding behind their office chairs when the proverbial hits the fan.
- Availability at short notice is a MUST.
If you believe, you have what it takes to be successful in this role then please get in touch with the major shareholder Stan Kroenke, by emailing him at: firstname.lastname@example.org
If this position is not for you, but you know of somebody who has got what it takes, please let us know the name of him/her and their contact details, including a summary of why you believe they would be excellent candidates.