Yes, that’s right: a quiet beach a million miles away from the hurly burly of Premiership football and the unforgiving scrutiny of the media.
A blue sky, a blazing sun and a long, golden beach as empty as Abou Diaby’s head.
Obviously Arsene shouldn’t go there right now – that would be rude. He should at least wait until we’ve played our remaining games.
But when his team has kicked the final ball in yet another season of flattering to deceive, he should give the players, the board and the media a cheery wave and head off with a small suitcase containing only his Speedos and that bottle of sun cream that Phil Brown left behind in the away dressing room at The Grove last year.
And while I know his many critics will hope he never comes back, I beg to differ.
What our manager needs is some time to get his head straight and take stock. I mean REALLY take stock.
And to do that he needs to detach himself from the day-to-day craziness of his job. There are so many immediate demands on him that there is no possibility of him ever getting perspective on the big picture.
He is known to make decisions over every aspect of how Arsenal is run, from the colour of the loo roll in the London Colney toilets (white, with a cock-and-ball logo in blue as it happens) to the aroma of the massage cream in the club morgue treatment room.
Plus, we’re always reading how even on his ‘days off’ Arsene is to be found glued to a TV, watching some game in the Azerbaijani Third Division. Well that’s got to stop too.
He needs to go to his deserted beach for three whole weeks – with no Blackberry or mobile phone, without a lap top and with no access to television.
There have to be no calls from agents; none from journalists; no texts from Emmanuel Eboue with links to funny videos involving chickens. It needs to be total media silence.
Yes, he might miss out on a transfer opportunity or two while he’s incommunicado. So what? There is no point doing transfer business until he has fundamentally decided what he needs to do to turn Arsenal into a trophy-winning club again.
He also needs a complete break for his health and sanity. Personally I think the media have been over-egging the ‘man on the edge’ stuff lately because it fits the narrative they’ve chosen for Arsene (when Ferguson rants on the touchline it’s passion; when Wenger does it it’s a mental breakdown). But even so, the pressure and scrutiny must take its toll and he has looked frustrated at times.
I’m not going to speculate on what conclusions he might reach while his hammock sways from side to side with the calming monotony of Denilson’s passing range.
Oh alright, I’ll speculate a little: maybe it will involve re-thinking the youth policy; maybe he’ll decide he needs a proper defence coach; perhaps he’ll conclude that certain players need weeding out (and I mean weeding – not the full-on napalm attack that some of the more excitable web sites are demanding).
Other areas he might ponder are whether 4-3-3 is worth persevering with; whether to go all out for the domestic cups again or revert to using them as a training slope for the up-and-comers; and, perhaps most difficult of all, whether he has the heart to carry on.
I hope he does all this, because I firmly believe that he can make us great again. And when he does, I want to be there to watch the media lickspittles shovel humble pie down their gullets until they burst.